Spring comes to Gaviscon Towers

Somebody has apparently moved Spring. After the Biblical flooding parts of the UK suffered this year, at least we can show a modicom of British-style happiness now that the sun has appeared (even in Cardiff). 

This happiness is chiefly demonstrated by a celebratory visit to Homebase and hosing down the barbecue. But I have spent the last few weeks being confused as to when the first day of Spring is. Today is the Spring Equinox and I'm pretty sure it's today and not, as the Daily Mail (with its general reliance on research carried out by Brian, the Confused.Com robot), claims the 1st of March. Sadly, many people don't know their equinox from their Ultravox.  Less a case of understanding science and more a case of "goodnight Vienna".  I haven't seen Midge Ure on the TV for ages but the last time I did he was sporting a beard and grizzling slightly about his role in the Band Aid video.  Happy days.

Ieuan & I in full combat mode in the Millennium Centre, Cardiff

I have to say, though, my science knowledge is dreadfully rusty. Yes I know I could google it, but that takes the fun out of it, doesn't it? Plus you miss the opportunity to wind the kids up royally. This week, for example, Caitlin has asked me how condensation works (it hangs around on window panes and creates mold on netting) and whether ducks eat yoghurt (obviously not because you wouldn't get a webbed foot in a Muller Yoghurt pot, particularly the corner bit with the fruit puree). 

And, I have not been feeling all that well. As the clock ticks down to my 50th, I appear to be collecting a new raft of physical ailments which will fully justify, come 28th May, taking to my bed in a starched Victorian nightdress, wafting an embroidered hanky at all and sundry and demanding, alternatively, gruel, smelling salts and my tonic (Amaretto or Baileys, since you're asking). The family will be photographed looking suitably glum at 4 o'clock every Sunday huddled in our bijou sitting room, where the husband will sport a tweed suit, fob watch and monocle. Letters of sympathy will be written and the 1812 Overture will be played on the gramophone to cheer everyone up.  (How can you go wrong with cannons?).  

The Sybil (my walking companion and font of vast tomes of slightly odd information), has already told me to get a grip and that I'm lucky not to be in a far greater state of decay at my age.  Which is nice. I think I will have to recover, not just for the family but because if there is one substance which fills me with dread and makes me heave just thinking of it, it's Gaviscon. Actually, I'm amazed nobody has named their son that yet. Sounds a bit French.   

As they say though,  it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good.  Particularly mine.

Read more

What do I want for my birthday? How the heck do I know!

Now I fully appreciate that there are some women who have a fully functioning list of things they'd like as gifts (possibly even in spreadsheet format). I have never managed this, not least because, even 10 years ago, Microsoft Excel was as comprehensible to me as the popularity of Geordie Shore.  Less even. In fact, ask me what I would like and I tend to feel a bit cross and put on the spot. No amount of reading Liz Jones' diary in the Daily Mail seems to help me become brand obsessed. 

After 20 years in marketing, you tend to view all aspects of branding with a healthy suspicion and garner weird looks in your local Disney store as you mutter under your breath (oh-ho, OF COURSE the Frozen DVD won't be released until the Easter Holidays, subtle Disney, very subtle).

Source: www.pandawhale.com

We ran our wedding list via John Lewis Online which was great. It basically worked by me pulling up a picture of something entirely random (e.g. a statue of a heron for the garden), placing the PC in front the husband whilst he was under the influence of Top Gear, and waiting for him to nod so he could return to watching Star In A Reasonably Priced Car (reasonably priced, my a**e - my first car was a beat up Morris Minor bought for £60 - now THAT's reasonably priced - although it was the 80's).

Now I am on my own as far as decision making goes and am completely in a tail spin as my 50th approaches at the end of May.  So far I have considered a day trip on the Orient Express, an emerald ring (my birthstone) and a HUGE party at Monte Carlo Casino where we all dress up as our favourite Bond character. 

Admittedly, I might have had a drink when I came up with the last one.  But I can't commit to anything. I'd love a Louis Vuitton Alma handbag but the cost of one would probably involve conversion to Catholicism and weekly confession to the end of my days. 

Oh yes. I'm talking guilt here. That's the thing when you have kids. I know they're only 6 and 4 and they might not want to go, but University tuition fees are not exactly small these days. Plus you tend to look at your own parents and their comparatively modest lifestyle and do a rapid reassessment of your values.

The truth is (and watching Sports Relief this week has made the point nicely) many of us have so much. And the more we have, the less pleasure it seems to give us.  We don't really want anything, much less NEED it. 

Actually I find the biggest pleasure in buying most things is the thrill of my card whizzing through the till point - the gloss seems to wear off when you get home. This is particularly true of 90% of children's toys. 

Once out of the packaging and devoid of point of sale / merchandising paraphenalia, you're frequently left with a battery hungry piece of plastic which cracks when dropped and ends up at the back of the toy cupboard in a few days.

No. I'm going to have to come up with something creative for my 50th............ and quick!

Read more

Silent Sunday - 09/03/2014

Read more

Silent Sunday - 02/03/2014

Read more

And breathe.... Half Term's Over

Oh God. At the end of another half term week featuring the wonderful British weather, a husband on another continent and the mind dissolving cacophony of happy, clappy, marginally hypnotic lunacy that calls itself CBeebies with songs about various bits of the body and a disproportionate number of programmes geared to the deaf (are they taking the *** or what? I'm still not putting my hearing aid in), we've reached Saturday night and I'm afraid my event organising this week has been less than A* or whatever the highest echelon of achievement granted by the local Education Board currently is.

So NO.  I have not done any of the following: - visited a castle, farm, theme park, stately home, funfair or any establishment featuring balls in nets. I have not done anything 'crafty' with lolly sticks, egg shells, daffodils or moss. I have not created an obstacle course with zip wire in the garden. We have not dressed up in inflatable sumo suits and beaten each other senseless with inflatable batons.  

The thought of another week of enforced fun with mummy was too much for Ieuan

Each day the Facebook statuses of desperate parents during half term have radiated the atheletic effort of the Sochi Olympic teams without the snow. There have been pictures of visits to all of the above establishments with parents dressed to cope with sub zero temperatures brandishing Moshi Monster lunch boxes whilst trying to chisel frozen Fruit Shoots out of their offspring's hands. Cliffs have been scaled. Hang gliders assembled. Ponies have been yanked unceremoniously from warm stables to 'hack' a mile or so on busy roads whilst their riders model more high visibility gear than a local authority day out.  

Cakes have been baked and Welsh cakes have been griddled. I'm amazed we haven't seen pictures of junior brandishing a blow torch putting the finishing touches to a creme brulee.

All of this leaves me feeling rather useless, except that, to quote the Bard, when it comes to diarising parenting triumps on Facebook "methinks the lady doth protest too much". I do try to come up with exciting things to do but somehow plans never come to fruition. This week, (as is becoming a tradition), we were visited on Saturday by "Mr Puke and Mr Squit" and the ghastly pair of them have only just left.

Anyway, I must confess to a feeling of intense shame when, at swimming this week, the kids' lovely teacher, Sarah enquired whether the kids had been on holiday.  "Oh yes", said Ieuan proudly, "we went to Morrisons".

Read more

Toothy Tales Of Sugar From The Vale

Well, thank the Lord!  After today's rather belated dental check-up I am happy to report that the kids have clean, healthy teeth.  

We are blessed with a very child friendly dental practice just around the corner so off we duly trotted after school.

The lady dentist allowed the kids to play with the chair's mechanics and even with the water gun.  I don't remember being allowed to enjoy myself to that extent when I was their age.  

Both dutifully lay in the chair for their examination whilst grim articles from the learned tome, The Daily Mail, on the dangers of sugar laden drinks and snacks played through my mind.

The Media has made much, lately, of the dangers of sugar which seems to be the new enemy. I bought a copy of Sarah Wilson's much vaunted "I Quit Sugar" at the weekend and although she makes it seem easy, in reality the prospect of a sugar free life doesn't seem appealing - even when you know that current research shows sugar to be implicated in liver disease, diabetes, cancer and dementia (to name a few).  

It is also said to be a major factor in premature ageing (and I though that was having kids!). I'm not sure I can see myself blending pumpkins (a key ingredient in many of her recipes) or replacing biscuits with nuts.

Recently two of the companies in Rosemary Conley's Diet Empire went into administration which, I suppose, with hindsight isn't too much of a surprise.  I have been a great advocate of Rosemary's Hip & Thigh diet, having lost 2 stone on it to shift the baby weight but recently the weight has been reappearing (well 7lbs but that's enough to depress me) and I suspect it's because some of the 'treats' and 'power snacks' you can choose are extremely high in sugar. 

Low Fat is now no longer being seen as the automatic diet of choice. I know that the 5:2 diet is popular but the idea of spending two days just eating 500 calories seems onerous and, when you have kids, rather impractical.

I have been tempted by the Weight Watchers Simple Start Diet but I wish you could find out more about it without having to sign up. The Weight Watchers products I have tried recently (wraps and soups) have been rather tasteless and their Jaffa rolls, although only 77 calories each, are really high in sugar.

I'm wondering if Rosemary wrongly attributed her weight loss to removal of high fat foods from her diet when it was actually reducing her sugar intake that did the trick?  Very difficult to say.

Anyway I am redoubling my efforts to reduce the level of sugar in the kids' diets (did you know Frosties are 37% sugar and don't even think about Nesquik) and that of mine and the hubby. 

Eating good food is such a joyful experience - preserving that and reducing the sugar is going to be a challenge. It'll be worth it if we keep the weight off and stay filling free though.

What do you think?  Are you reducing the sugar in your diet?

Read more

We'll All Be Poorer If We Ban Teaching Shakespeare's Works In Schools

Watching Dame Helen Mirren's acceptance speech for her BAFTA Fellowship in 2014 was memorable not only for the class and elegance Mirren always exudes but for her recognition of the importance of teachers in our lives and also, tacitly, the importance of our great works of literature. Mirren ended by quoting Prospero in William Shakespeare's The Tempest.

Image credit:  Pexels - William Shakespeare

"We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep" (The Tempest, Act 4, Scene 1)

There has been much rumbling over the years about whether Shakespeare should still be taught to our children. Worse still, there have been cartoon and other dumbed down versions in a misguided (in my view) attempt to interest children in the Bard's works.

Before I had my children, I used to work as a part time English tutor and one year the 'O' level text was probably my favourite Shakespeare play - "Macbeth". My pupil was a 15 year old boy whose predicted grade was 'D'. 

Upon querying what teaching methods were being used, my eyes were swiftly opened to the rather ramshackle and disinterested way I suspect literature may be being taught.

"Have you actually read the play" I asked. "No". "Does your teacher read the play out loud in class?" "No". "Does your teacher get you to read out loud in class?" "No".

When I was learning Shakespeare in school, everyone had a copy of the text and we read the entire play, line by line through the class. 

It's only when you read Shakespeare's (or indeed any other poet's) works out loud that you get a sense of the true meaning of the language and the implications behind the rhythms. 

It gives the teacher a chance to explain idioms and how the meanings of words and even the interpretation of the whole play can change over the centuries. 

Call me old fashioned, but I'm not sure the subtle nuances and beauty of our language are ever all that apparent either by re-writing Shakespeare in text speak, Cockney rhyming slang or "gangsta" rap. You get me?

I also hate modern reworkings of the play where the director has had a "vision" and decided to portray Henry II as Robocop and dress everyone up like extras from The Matrix. 

Yes the themes and meanings of Shakespeare's works are universal - that's why they stand the test of time, but when you are learning them, you have an opportunity to better understand the history and social mores of that period. 

For example, I always remember being taken aback by my lecturer's assertion that the central theme of "Romeo & Juliet" was not, for an Elizabethan audience that of "star crossed lovers" but instead of parental disobedience.

I really hope that, when Caitlin and Ieuan start to study English literature, the works of our greatest authors are requisite reading. We need to preserve these works, not least to help maintain the ever denuded English language as it seems to sink beneath text speak, business jargon and lazy spelling. 

I cringe at the number of tweets from businesses where the writer doesn't know the difference between "there are" and "they are", "you're" and "your". This is basic stuff, surely?

So I applaud Dame Helen for reminding us that the great actors and actresses of our time still owe a debt to one of our greatest writers, William Shakespeare.

And by the way, after re-enacting "Macbeth" (which is mighty tricky when there are only 2 of you - we spent lots of time laughing), and trying to explain how the play's themes are still relevant today, my pupil got an A.

Read more