Celebrating Our Older Kids - Do We Need A "Slightly Bigger Fierce Ones" Hashtag?

As a sometime parenting blogger with kids aged 8 and 6,  I find that I am occasionally disheartened by the fact that there are pictures of cute babies and toddlers everywhere.

Caitlin in 2007

Instagram is awash with them.

There they are in cute wellies encountering trees and flowers.  They are jumping in puddles.  They are prodding kittens and walking backwards up slides.

They are staring at clouds with an expression to rival that of the most earnest nuclear physicist.

Their every breath is instagrammed to the 'nth' degree.

And understandably so.

Because what parent wouldn't want to celebrate the wonder unfolding in front of them and, better yet, create a living, breathing, archive of those moments to last for eternity?

But my point is when kids get over a certain age, and the development of their personalities is in full throttle,  it's easy to miss those 'cute days'.

Ieuan in 2015

Referring to them with your chosen nickname may no longer be appropriate either - "little man" (which I hate), "sausage", "cupcake" or any other term guaranteed to cause maximum embarrassment with their school friends.  You are quite likely to be greeted with "muuuummm!"

I said to Ieuan only this morning that he was my "cute little Jedi". "I'm not a little Jedi", he said hotly, "I'm a medium Jedi".

As they change, your relationship to them changes and the type of parent you are also changes.

I think many of us must feel a sense of loss.

They're still cute, we tell ourselves defensively.  And they are but our photograph albums now capture fledgling teens, even adults.

"Give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man", as the Jesuit motto goes.

Our pictures capture their moods, both good and bad.

You have to wonder if they sometimes get sick of being constantly photographed.

Their lives are documented in ways ours never were.  For a start, when I was growing up, cameras still came with actual 'film' you stuck in the back and wound on.

Nobody took a selfie unless they got confused and had the camera turned the wrong way around.

So my plea is, please can we have a new hashtag which helps us to focus on the challenges and triumphs of our slightly older children?

Caitlin & Ieuan -  Double Trouble

Can we remember to celebrate the beauty of their new discoveries now that they have the language to discuss them?

Can we carve our own little corner of Instagram just for them?

How about using a couple of the other instagram hashtags?  #Soproudofyou  or #Stroppy.

That should just about cover it.

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Why Blogging About Your Job Is Not Your Best Career Move

Just lately, there have been several instances on Facebook where bloggers have questioned whether it is wise to blog about your job.

My answer to this is a categorical NO.

I have also come across instances where an employer has caught a blogger writing sponsored posts for a competitor and demanded that the posts be removed.

Cue much "how very dare they" in tones which imply the Human Rights Act should be referred to immediately.

An Employment Contract Is Legally Binding

I am beginning to wonder whether people understand that an employment contract is, well a contract - and a legally binding one at that.

When you agree to work for a company, you agree to abide by a set of rules (theirs) in exchange for pay and benefits.

The company has a duty of care towards its employees to treat them fairly and equitably.  But, you know what?  It's a two way street.

I've read posts which seem to imply that the blogger / employee is actually doing the employer a favour just by turning up.

You cannot justify criticizing your employer on your blog because you hate the job, they don't pay you enough or you haven't been promoted.

That will get you out of the door quicker than you'd like.

Nobody Is Irreplaceable

And if you feel that you're irreplaceable - well, have you seen the UK unemployment figures lately?

I don't mean to be harsh.

I think if you work with your employer, blogging can be an extremely valuable addition to the marketing mix.

But I think we need a reality check here.

Employers DO Check You Out On Social Media

Employers and recruitment agencies will check you out on social media.  Yes they will - whether or not they are supposed to.

If you let it be known that you write a blog in your spare time, it is just human nature for your co-workers to want to check it out.

If you have written anything negative, it is also, sadly, human nature for some 'helpful' co-worker to bring it to the attention of the management.

And if you are being negative, therefore, future employers might take a dim view - particularly if you are staying in the same industry.

In Law, where I worked for 13 years, most of the partners had worked in numerous other law firms and all knew each other.

Until you reach a certain age, you don't always have the political 'smarts' either.

Let me give you an example of what I mean.

Let's say there's a particular manager you just can't get on with.  They seem to have it in for you.  You get the crappiest assignments.  Your suggestions are routinely ignored in meetings.

It would be very easy to vent your spleen in a blog post and think that you were fully justified in doing so - heck, you could even convince yourself that you are being a noble "whistleblower" and bringing the manager to book.

You Never Know Who Is Friends With Whom

What you probably don't realise is that, even if that manager seems to be deeply unpopular,  they may be best buddies with the rest of the managers, or even the CEO.

I remember a couple of senior partners in one of the law firms I worked for who, on the face of it, hated each other.

It later transpired that not only did they regularly dine together, they even went on holiday together.

The same thing with college lecturers.  You never know what goes on in the staff room, or what is said and I think there is a tendency for senior staff to stick together to protect each other's positions.

So,  after another downbeat, unmotivating, dreary day, it would be so easy to come home and blog about it, wouldn't it?

Anything you write is on the internet for ever.  Things you say now could bite you years later.

I'm assuming you've worked long and hard to get where you are.

You've probably fought off lots of competition to get your foot in the door.

But you signed a contract.

The honorable thing to do if you hate it, is find another job.

Yes it's difficult - but that's rather my point.

The RIGHT Way To Blog About Your Job

If you want to blog about your job, why not undertake some technical research or write a paper about a particular aspect of your role.  Let your manager see it and then publish with their blessing.

That way, bloggers, promotion lies.

If you want to run your employer down on your blog, so that senior management, co-workers, competitors and, even worse, clients see it, then you may find you are blogging full time quicker than you think.

Life isn't fair.  Speech may be free,  but sometimes there's a rather hefty price to pay all the same.

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Have You Got The Welcome Mat Out For Anxiety?

It dawned on me the other day that the reason for my (comparative) inertia when it comes to grabbing the bull by the horns (or indeed any other colloquialism for getting off your backside and acting), is that I have probably been suffering from anxiety for most of my life.

I carry a vague sense of unease around with me most of the time.  I've even given it a name - "The Fear".  It is a shapeless, amorphous blob which lurks behind doors and curtains and casts a shadow on the gloomiest day.

I could write a list of things that could have triggered it.  But, you know, nobody lives to the age of 50 without having had something unpleasant happen to them, a loss, a scare, a disappointment.  That is, to quote one of my mother's more annoying truisms, "all part of life's rich pattern".

I carry "The Fear" around with me most of the time and it makes itself known in strange symptoms like my "glasses thing" (or OCD), my inability to leave fluff on the carpet (whilst being completely able to ignore dusting), my requirement for absolute darkness and silence at night.

Anyone who leaves the empty cardboard tube from the toilet roll on the floor of the toilet feels my wrath.  I cannot bear wet towels on beds, shoes on in the house, toothpaste lids left off.

It's all about control.

And, more specifically, controlling "The Fear".

Lots of us, of course, would medicate it away somehow.  Or read endless self-help tomes ("When I loved myself enough to knit my own yoghurt").  Or seek therapy. (And how does that make you feel? Well, crap, actually).

I'm not entirely convinced acknowledging "The Fear" helps.

We are all battling the human condition and (to quote mum again), we all have our cross to bear.

There's one of those motivational postcards I often see on Facebook which says something like "be kind because everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about".

I suspect that is entirely true.

Which means, some of us have developed more effective strategies for dealing with "The Fear".

Or are we so far in denial we think we can get to Narnia through the wardrobe.  (You can't, I've tried).

Perhaps this is why there are so many videos of cats doing, well, cat things.

I love that quote about cats by the French Renaissance write Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) who said:

"Quand je me joue à ma chatte, qui sçait si elle passe son temps de moy plus que je ne fay d'elle?

(When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not a pastime to her more than she is to me?)

Cats really don't, to use the vernacular, give a stuff.  They do what they want and bugger the consequences.  In fact, most cats would sniff, scag your tights with their claws and then say"what consequences" whilst yawning.

Montaigne also said "There is no passion so contagious as that of fear" and "The thing I fear most is fear".

And that's the thing about anxiety too.  You get anxious about whether you're anxious.  And then you are.

I often theorise that lots of 'odd' behaviours are simply displacement activities to avoid looking within and admitting that you are anxious.

Lots of us simply hide away.  Or leave parties early.  Or 'forget' to turn up at all.  That old saying about "always finding me in the kitchen at parties" is a neat metaphor for social anxiety.

You'll always spot the anxious at children's parties because they'll be the ones clearing up the remnants of sausage rolls and half eaten pizza armed with black bags and an air of determination not seen since the Blitz.

The anxious will always give themselves away by hating things that everyone else likes - just in case they have to join in. Christmas?  Too commercial.  Ditto Valentines Day.  Any major sporting tournament, big event in the social calendar, spontaneous knees-up.... "I can't be bothered with all that", they'll say.  " All that fuss and unnecessary expense".

Hell would be joining the Parent Teachers Association.  Or being invited up on stage during a live show.  (I'm seeing Derren Brown in April so fingers' crossed he doesn't spot me!).

We anxious ones always stand apart like statues.  We avoid eye contact.  If someone speaks to us, sometimes it's so surprising we actually jump.

At conferences we anxious avoid eye contact.  We take urgent phone calls.  We write notes.

We anxious ones like to end even the most terse email or text with a row of kisses.  "I hate you, you bastard" xxxx

The thought of upsetting someone and having to deal with the consequences is always far scarier than standing up for ourselves, claiming what's ours, demanding to count.

It's a shame there's no secret handshake to announce you are suffering from "The Fear".

Social Media is very fond of urging you to find your "tribe".

My tribe would be named (and this is one of my dad's favourite jokes), the "Elawi".  Ask them where they are and they say "we're the Elawi" (where the hell are we)?  

Since I've had "The Fear" for well over 40 years, I guess I had better get used to it.

And as a parent, the last thing I want to do is pass it on to the kids.

Kids have superheroes to help them synthesize their fear, to give them role models for, to quote Percy in Blackadder "putting ice cubes down the vest of fear".

Perhaps in later life we just need to say "sod it - The Fear is part of me.  It is who I am".  Perhaps acknowledging the intruder will take away a little of the horrid antsy, unsettled feeling. Perhaps after all we just need to put the welcome mat out for anxiety and some days, just some days, it may go and visit someone else for a change.

The late Helen Gurley Brown said that when she was upset she would lie on her sofa with her cat and talk it out, a bit like a court hearing.  I did this, he said that and so forth.  She would do this until she felt better.

I think I want to get another cat.

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Getting Your Garden Ready for Summer

The days are getting that little bit longer as we slowly edge towards summer. Just the small matter of spring in between and once it’s over you can bring out the barbecue and deckchairs.

But put them on hold for now and give your garden a little TLC to make your summer lounging more enjoyable.

A good root to go

Before you start perfecting your outdoor space, remove any weeds and deadhead any of the early flowering shrubs that have flowered and gone already.

It’s also beneficial to thin any older wood while pruning, which will help to improve future growth of plants. Although this stage may seem annoying, it gives you a clean canvas to create your horticultural haven.

All creatures great and small

Make your garden a space for all the family to enjoy, and even get the kids involved in the process. Opt for easy bedding plants, like Sweet Peas, Busy Lizzies, or Lobelia, that are easy to plant — meaning they’re great for mini gardeners.

Or how about placing these in hanging baskets, adding a splash of colour to all angles of your garden?

Pop out bird or squirrel feeders and your garden may just become a little more exciting, with small visitors other than your own children!

Additional characters 

‘Garden ornaments’ doesn’t necessarily have to mean covering your garden in gnomes, cute as they may sometimes be.

How about beautiful butterfly mosaic ornaments, or ladybugs and toadstools? Be creative. There’s plenty to choose from.

Al fresco dining

No British summer is complete without a barbecue or two (no matter how damp they might be), so invest in a barbecue that you don’t need to dispose of this year.

It doesn’t need to break the budget, opt for a small ‘bucket barbecue’ which is low-cost and ideal for smaller spaces, or, splash out and go for a larger, gas barbecue. Either way, the burgers will go down a treat!

A midsummer night’s dream 

Transform your child friendly garden into a relaxed space in which to unwind on a cool summer evening.

Coil cute, low-budget-friendly outdoor fairy lights around garden walls, fences, benches, or any object that would benefit from a little bit of twinkle.

Or, how about some mosaic tea light holders, perfect for citronella tea lights to keep the midges at bay?

Add a patio heater and those nights won’t seem quite so chilly. All that’s left to do is put your feet up and enjoy your beautiful garden under the starry, silver sky.

Gardening is fun for the whole family and those little green fingertips might just make this job a whole lot easier. Roll out the picnic blanket, and roll on summer!

Images by and likeaduck and Accretion Disc, used under Creative Commons licence

*collaborative post

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Review: Tiana Organics Fair Trade Coconut Oil & Rose Fresh Coconut TLC Anti Ageing Moisturiser

I was recently sent two products from TIANA Fair Trade Organics – the experts in organic and fair trade certified coconut products to try - their Rose Fresh Coconut TLC Anti Ageing Moisturiser and their The World's Premier Extra Virgin Coconut Oil.

Tiana Extra Virgin Coconut Oil & Rose Fresh Coconut TLC Anti Ageing Moisturier

 As I'm sure you know, coconut oil has undergone a massive boost in public interest and awareness being championed by health and lifestyle celebrities such as Joe Wicks and Lucy Bee.

There are a myriad of suggested uses for the oil which is claimed to have a range of health benefits such as slowing ageing, helping your heart and thyroid, protecting against illnesses like Alzheimer’s, arthritis and diabetes, and even helping you to lose weight.

I have tried coconut oil for oil pulling which is an ancient Ayurvedic dental technique that involves swishing a tablespoon of oil in your mouth on an empty stomach for around 20 minutes. This action supposedly draws out toxins in your body, primarily to improve oral health but also to improve your overall health.

I found that it does make your teeth a lot whiter and leaves your teeth surprisingly clean.  It is hard, though, with two kids, to fit oil pulling into your daily routine!

Coconut oil advocates also use the oil as an all over moisturiser and a hair conditioner and, because it is a natural product, you don't have the worry of the usually unknown blend of additives which could penetrate your skin with manufacturered skin care products.

All these beauty serums may (and it's a very large may in most cases) reduce wrinkles and fine lines, or help with age spots but what are the additives doing to our bodies?  The skin is the largest organ of the body and some chemicals may pass directly into our bloodstream!

TIANA Fair Trade Organics is an established UK importer, manufacturer and supplier of premium quality, organic and Fair Trade, food, drink and beauty products. Their Extra Virgin Coconut Oil became the first fair trade certified, organic coconut based product on the market. It has also won numerous awards from consumer publications.

TIANA Fair Trade Organics Extra Virgin Coconut Oil is the only coconut oil on the market which is 100% guaranteed 1st pressed from selected ripe fresh organic coconuts, unlike any other virgin coconut oils. Those other oils are produced from coconut flesh that has been dried in the sun for up to 36 hours before being pressing or centrifuged, and then expeller pressed, or produced from coconut milk by fermentation.

It is a multi-functional product and is not just a cooking oil. TIANA say it is essential for your well-being as part of a healthy balanced diet because it contains the highest content of Lauric acid, unlike other virgin oils. The same amount of Lauric acid, which has strong anti-bacterial and anti-inflammatory properties, is only available in breast milk.

The well known TV and Radio Presenter, Janey Lee Grace, who has carved out a niche for herself as a spokesperson for the organic and natural health world is a big advocate of TIANA Extra Virgin Coconut Oil.

Tiana Extra Virgin Coconut Oil - Solid At Current Room Temperature

I found the oil to be excellent to cook with and, for oil pulling purposes, to have a pleasant, slightly nutty taste.  You use it in exactly the same way you would use olive or other cooking oils.

Coconut oil is solid below 25 C so depending on how warm your house is, it can be either solid or liquid. You may find you need to scoop out the oil rather than pour but that's the only difference when it comes to cooking.

You might expect that cooking with coconut oil makes everything taste, well, coconut-y - but actually it doesn't.

You can also add a couple of tablespoons to a smoothie or spread some on toast. You can even take a teaspoon neat or, as I did, try your hand at oil pulling.

The coconut oil costs from £8.75 for 250 ml.

The TIANA Fair Trade Organics Rose Fresh Coconut TLC Anti Ageing Moisturiser was a bit of a surprise to me (in a good way!).

It is a rich ultra-concentrated face cream made with high quality Rosa Damascena pure essential oil, produced by distillation containing more than 300 active nutrients along with organic raw cold pressed coconut oil and fresh organic coconut butter.

This moisturiser looks a little different

Most moisturisers have a high content of water, sometimes up to 70%. This creates freezing in really cold weather which can accelerate the process of getting wrinkles. This one is great for use during winter and in particular wet and windy weather conditions as it contains no added water. This is absolutely unique and makes the product suitable for elderly and young people. It can be used sparingly to give a high concentration of anti-oxidants.

When I opened the moisturiser I found it to be solid and to start off the pot had to spoon a little out but, as you can see, as soon as it hit my skin it liquified and was nicely absorbed. There was no stickiness left behind but I could feel that the moisturiser was still on my skin quite a while afterwards.

The moisturiser quickly liquifies with the warmth of the skin

The rose oil gives a delicate fresh scent to the product which smells more of rose than of coconut.

It feels quite different from your usual moisturiser but I found it to be surprisingly effective and have no doubt that I could quickly get used to it.

The moisturiser costs £17.99 for 100 ml.

I really liked both products which are safe enough for all the family to use and TIANA make a range of coconut based products which you can find out about at www.tiana-coconut.com.

You can also find TIANA products at your local Holland & Barrett and at independent health food stores.

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Review: Twice The Fun With The Double Flip Fun & Games Mat

If you are used to holidaying in the UK, you will be familiar with the age-old conundrum of what to do when it's tipping down with rain and you are ensconced in a small space with the potential for a boredom-induced family squabble.

Drawing is Caitlin's favourite thing to do

You will probably also be familiar with the arsenic hours of Sunday afternoon when all homework has been done (finally) and the kids are kicking their heels and getting fractious.

Here's a solution.

It's called The Double Flip Fun Games Mat from what2buy4kids.co.uk and it's a reversible play mat which offers kids a range of activities to choose from.

Ieuan adding spiky hair 

These include:-

Snakes & Ladders
Colour by numbers
Dot to dot
Word searches
Letter writing practice
Noughts and Crosses
Creative drawing
Bee Dice Game
Insect Dice Game

The kit contains the reversible games mat and five dice, six counters and ten washable felt tips so the kids can play with their friends (1-6 players).

The mat is a decent size, measuring 120 x 100cm and there is also a fabric carry bag.

The suggested age range is 3-10 and best of all the mat is washable so it can be used over and over again.  You can wash it at 30 degrees without detergent but don't tumble dry it. You have to make sure that you only use washable felt tips though.

The Double Flip Fun & Games Mat

I duly roped in my two crack testers to see if it would keep them occupied for longer than five minutes.

Caitlin, as expected, went straight for the pens to do some drawing whilst Ieuan went for the dot-to-dots.

I really liked the range of activities, particularly the educational element - practising drawing letters for example.

There are a couple of wordsearches and colour by numbers which are more time consuming activities.

I think though that the wordsearches and dot to dots are probably one time only activities, but the colouring aspect and the games could be repeated endlessly.

Ah- Peace & Quiet!

I'd also put the age range closer to 3-8 - I am not sure the games are sophisticated enough for a 10 year old, or at least likely to keep their attention for too long.

I also think it depends on how many children are playing with the mat.  My two are quite competitive and vie to create the best drawing and you can bet they'll pick the same activity to do which is where having a reversible mat is quite handy.

The Double Flip Fun Games Mat is good for keeping kids occupied rather than being a full-on family activity.  I don't think it would replace, say, a board game.

But if frazzled parents are looking for a half hour's peace to read a book (or lie down in a darkened room with a gin & tonic), then it's ideal.

The Double Flip Fun Games Mat is good value at £23.99 given that it has multiple activities and can be reused.

One side of the mat

It is ideal to sling in your bag to take anywhere you think there might be excessive waiting too - my only comment would be that it does take up some space to lay out.

If you're looking for gifts for kids I think The Double Flip Fun Games Mat would be a welcome present.

Darth Maul, apparently.

Further information from www.what2buy4kids.co.uk.

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What Is Meningitis B?

Meningitis B has been in the news recently following a couple of high profile cases, in particular that of two-year-old Faye Burdett, from Maidstone, Kent, who caught the infection and died after 11 days on Valentine’s Day.

Image credit

Her father, Lee Booth, finding that one of his two young daughters was deemed too old to have the vaccine last September (2015) started an online petition to get all children vaccinated up to the age of 11.

The petition has become the most signed online petition in parliamentary history with more than 640,000 signatures.

But what is Meningitis B?

Meningitis B is a meningococcal bacterial infection and can be extremely serious as it can cause blood poisoning (septicaemia), and according to the NHS is "the leading infectious killer of babies and young children in the UK".

The Meningitis Research Foundation says that Meningitis B is "the most common cause of bacterial meningitis in the UK".

Meningitis B is an infection of the protective membranes around the brain and spinal column and can lead to severe brain damage, amputations and death.  It is always treated as a medical emergency.

Meningitis B is most common in children under 1 year old, with cases peaking at 5-6 months of age.

Image Credit

What are the symptoms of Meningitis B?

* Severe headache
* Dislike of bright lights
* Neck stiffness
* Nausea and vomiting
* Confusion and drowsiness
* Loss of consciousness
* Convulsions/seizures
* Fever with cold hands and feet
* Joint or muscle pain
* Rapid breathing / grunting
* Stomach cramps and diarrhoea
* Red / purple spots or bruises that do not fade under pressure

The above symptoms can appear in any order, and some may not appear at all.

Image Credit 

The rash can be harder to see on dark skin, in which case check for spots on paler areas like the palms of the hands, soles of the feet, on the tummy, inside the eyelids and on the roof of the mouth.

Don’t wait for a rash to develop. If your child is unwell and getting worse, seek medical help immediately.

A vaccine to protect against meningitis B is available on the NHS for babies aged two months, followed by a second dose at four months and a booster at 12 months.

Parents who wish to have older children vaccinated must pay privately, although a worldwide shortage of the vaccine Bexsero means stocks are very low.

Boots has run out of supplies and CityDoc, the largest supplier of the vaccine outside of the NHS, said although existing patients would be given their boosters, there were not enough supplies to cater for new patients.

Manufacturer GlaxoSmithKline hopes to increase UK stocks by the summer.

The NHS programme is unaffected.

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