Why aren't wives treated like brides?

I love reading bridal magazines.

In fact, I enjoyed planning my wedding so much I'd happily do it all over again (to the same man, I hasten to add).

Is there anything like the thrill of putting on a wedding dress for the first time or the excitement of shopping for rings?

If you were anything like me (or are planning your nuptials at the moment), there are menus to be poured over, wines to be tasted and selected and a whole host of knotty relationship issues to be navigated before the big day.

Should you invite your mother-in-law to be's ex-husband?

What's the right number of bridesmaids?

Should you allow your friends to bring a plus-one?

Everything seems to pass so quickly in a haze of rose-petals and sugared almonds until - pffft - with a wave of the wedding fairy's wand you are a Mrs.

And then what? (and in many people's opinion, so what?)

From being the star of the show on your special day, from then on some days you feel as if you'd struggle to get a walk-on part in a pound shop advert.

It's no wonder so many new brides feel immensely deflated and depressed once the big day is over and the new passport is put away in the drawer with the honeymoon photos.

Actually, I still haven't updated my passport with my new married name - all that documentation seemed too much of an extra stress at the time.

Consequently, I'm still planning our honeymoon nearly 4 years on (and it gets grander and more expensive in my white sandy fantasies as the years pass)!

As wives, are we wrong to want to enjoy, how shall I put it, an 'uplift' in our status? Some sort of recognition.  I can hear staunch feminists shouting from here - no, we are not chattels.  Our existence should not be defined, nay constrained  by shackling ourselves to some man.

In the olden days, of course, marriage was practically the only means of guaranteeing a respectable place in society.

Marriage was a financial transaction where, at least for the gentry, birth lines and the inheritance of land were protected by forging a suitable match.

The feelings of the bride for her prospective groom were often of little consequence.

Thankfully, today we women define ourselves and make our own choices - and that's my point.

If we choose to become wives, should there not be some sort of acknowledgement of it?  I'm not necessarily talking about tax breaks but at least something.

In the absence for a lot of people of any religious meaning to the concept of marriage - I'm a believer, my husband is not so we had a civil ceremony - and after the public declaration of love for your partner has been made - what are wives for these days?

I am not, let's be clear about this, saying that wives are more than singletons in any sense but I just wish there were some celebration of our choice to embrace marriage.

Singletons are encouraged to stand up and be counted - to declare their life choice and be proud.

No longer is the spinster seen as the sad lady living at home with too many cats.

That stereotype has been (almost) erased from society's lexicon of  "types of women".

Well I say why shouldn't wives stand up and be counted too?

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Other people's kids driving you bananas in the supermarket?

The ear splitting screams made everyone at the check-out turn round.

Three kids, two boys (roughly 13 and 7) and a girl (maybe 6) were sitting on the bench at the end of the till run making full use of the acoustic properties the Tesco superstore offered.

People winced, the screaming was that loud.

On and on it went, driven by the annoyance of the other shoppers.

The mother, who had a fourth child in a pushchair seemed to find this activity funny and gave the youngest girl a loving hug as they walked off (still screaming) leaving the rest of us muttering "why didn't she tell her kids to shut up?".

Her three miscreants were certainly old enough to know their behaviour was getting on others' nerves and yes, we probably all did stuff like that when we were young.

The difference is most of us were not allowed to carry on doing it.

Now there are those who think that self expression is a good thing and must not be stifled but, surely, when others are being irritated, the first course of action is to consider others' feelings?

This was not a family on its uppers.

No form of societal judgement could be made on them based on their outward appearance.

One might charitably suppose that, since it's the long summer holiday, the mother was at her wits' end but she seemed remarkably calm and upbeat if that were the case.

We mothers love to judge other mothers, don't we?

But it sometimes seems as if children are increasingly just being allowed to run amok.

This may be a result of the ineffectiveness of some of the more liberal forms of discipline such as "positive time out" but, woe betide anyone who dare suggest that a more stringent method of discipline might benefit  - the "S" (smacking) word must never be uttered.

We need a 'third way' but I'm not entirely sure what that is.

As for keeping your children occupied in a supermarket, why not give them their own list and task them with retrieving easy items?

I often wonder why supermarkets don't offer creche facilities because I'm sure they'd quickly recoup the cost of staffing by the extra sales from parents who could actually concentrate on what they came out to buy.

Kids love to shout, scream and, above all, run the length of those gleaming aisles.

My two do and, hands up, it is hard to constantly check their behaviour but that's the job of parenthood, isn't it?

To teach them how to behave in society?

And it is our job, not that of teachers or childminders.

It's not something we can delegate.

There is much muttering, currently in the UK about the developing of a perceived "nanny state".

Only this week a report by the United Nations Human Rights Committee has suggested that Britain should ban smacking and many feel that, whilst violence towards children can never be condoned, it is not for some governmental body to tell us how to raise our children, thank you very much.

Possibly, just possibly, if there were a groundswell of support and encouragement for positive behaviour of children (and their parents!) in the public arena, then maybe there would be less grounds for any interference by public servants desperately struggling to find a way to reduce crime and anti-social behaviour.

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My Sunday Photo - 26/07/2015

A beautiful flower at National Trust Dyffryn Gardens

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Treetop Adventure Golf Cardiff - A Stroke of Genius

If you had said to me that I would spend a happy morning playing golf on Level 3 of the car park in the St. David's 2 Shopping Centre in Cardiff, I would have probably thought you were somewhat under par but that's exactly what happened earlier today.

The Hobbis clan were given the opportunity to play mini golf in the tropical rainforest at Treetop Adventure Golf centre whilst storms rumbled overhead and we were accompanied by the sounds of chattering monkeys and tropical birds.

No, not the usual Cardiff weather but an impressive sound and light system adding great atmosphere.

It is immense fun - and you know me, I'd often struggle to find fun if it was signposted "fun this way" and included a comprehensive guided tour by Mr Fun himself.

I haven't played mini golf (or crazy golf as we were allowed to call it in the 70's) since playing the windswept and rainy course on Plymouth Hoe when flares were all the rage and the Osmonds were rocking white jumpsuits and singing about equally crazy horses.

There are two 18 hole trails - the "Tropical Trail" and the "Ancient Explorer Trail" which both include interactive figures that either congratulate or berate the players.

There's "The Sacred Mask" and "Chief Slumber" as well as Bob Monkey-House's challenge at the 19th Hole.

Needless to say, the Husband's competitive streak appeared and he managed quite a few "holes in one".

My own attempts varied from "roughly near the hole" to "which ruddy hole are you actually playing?" but I did manage to improve by the end of the course we played - which was, for obvious reasons the "Ancient Explorer".

Caitlin and Ieuan were highly bemused at the transformation of their parents into two golfing ninjas (cough) and Ieuan was very disappointed to find his technique of just picking up his ball and placing it nearer the hole was frowned upon.

Caitlin had her own unique stroke which seemed to be closer to shovelling the ball in the hole than hitting it.

Still, we completed the course before Ieuan managed to collapse (according to him) from hunger.  He had spotted the very inviting clubhouse bar and cafe with its cosy chairs, tables and beanbags.

The Husband won (sigh) but I did manage to come second with the kids almost tying.

We celebrated our sporting prowess with moist chocolate brownies, chocolate cupcakes and reviving coffee (the kids had their usual Fruit Shoot / Diet Coke - the latter not being allowed at home, I might add).

We arrived at 10:30 and the centre got busy quite quickly

This may be because if you tee off before midday you can play both courses for the price of one (except on bank holidays).

Also, there is a suggested maximum of 6 shots per person per hole to ensure that nobody is waiting too long to play.

You're also supposed to add a 1-shot penalty if your ball leaves the course and I'm afraid I may have 'accidentally' forgotten to do that a couple of times.

Treetop Adventure Golf is open every day from 11 am in the week to 10 am at the weekend and stays open till late, either 10 pm or 11 pm depending on which day you go.

As well as coffees and cake, you can buy wine, beer or cocktails - although I'm not sure these would have improved my golf.

You can also have a party or event at the centre.

Prices are very reasonable - for example it's £25 for a family of 4 (where one child is under 12) to play one course and £37.50 to play two (hence teeing off before noon is a good idea).

To compare with a cinema trip to the Odeon, it would cost a family of 4 (where 2 kids are under 12) £34 per film - without pick 'n' mix or ice cream.

The full tariff of fees is available on the website.

We had a great time at Treetop Adventure Golf and it made a change to do something different and memorable.

The staff were friendly and helpful and, when our two started to protest at the time it was taking to drink our coffee (have you noticed kids always finish their snacks in about 30 seconds whilst your coffee is still boiling?), kindly proffered some colouring sheets and crayons.

There are lockers to leave your bags and the toilets (always an important benchmark in my book) had ornate hand basins and taps where the water flowed over, rather than out of them.

The door handles were made of rope.

The whole experience is extremely well designed and, if you have visited the Eden Project in Cornwall, you will know what kind of atmosphere to expect.

Ieuan was fascinated by the talking head at the 19th hole who, if you manage to shoot your ball into the centre of his puzzle, grants you a free round of golf next time.

None of us managed it but someone did whilst we were there - so it is possible.

I'd heartily recommend a visit to Treetop Adventure Golf, particularly since summer has apparently failed to load correctly as usual and we've been treated to random bouts of torrential rain and hot sun.

It took us about an hour to complete one trail but if your kids are older you'll probably find they want to move on to the second trail after a quick snack break.

We'll certainly be going back.  I've got the hang of it now and since the Husband had 51 shots to my 58, a rematch is definitely due.

Further information is available at www.adventuregolf.com.

*We were invited to play a round of golf as guests of Treetop Adventure Golf.

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Is It Still OK To Admit You Want To Lose Weight?

I ask this simply because, since I married in 2011, I have put on 12 lbs which are currently sitting comfortably around my stomach (the kids call it a 'podge'), hips and thighs.

Now my ideal weight is, according to the generally unreliable but prevalent medical charts (actually devised for insurance, and not medical purposes by the way), around 9 st 9lbs.

Don't ask me to go metric.  I'm happy with Imperial measurements thank you very much.

This, I appreciate is clearly a "first world problem" which could be easily solved by not stuffing so much food in my face and joining the rapidly growing cult of "sitting is the new smoking".

But everywhere I look there are plus sized sisters 'embracing their curves', insisting on their right to be body confident no matter what their size (and, indeed, why not?) and even wearing obesity like some feminist trophy of war.

Women of all shapes and sizes are staking their claim to beauty and femininity and taking the likes of Protein World and their "beach body ready" advertising campaign to task.

But you know somewhere a little klaxon is sounding;  a note of warning I can't quite shake off.

I see these women and their bravery and I think, "perhaps I don't need to lose any weight at all".

Perhaps I should just eat and be happy.

Does it matter if I have a burgeoning muffin top?

Will it matter when my thighs start to chafe and I can no longer run at all?

I am really, really torn.

I know that, medically, we were not designed to carry too much excess weight and that its original purpose was to keep us alive until the next successful hunt.

I know that I should not make weight an issue for my kids, particularly Caitlin who, at nearly 8, is already aware of the body shape that the media finds most desirable - and it's still thin.

If I'm confused by these mixed messages, what on earth is going on in the minds of our youngsters?

We can have as many lauded Twitter campaigns as we like but this will not make being overweight safe for our bodies or a route to longevity.

The media can trumpet about the latest morbidly obese super model but is this really the way to give confidence to young women?

Some will argue that it is possible to be overweight and healthy, surely the two are polar opposites?

And in an attempt to do something, anything to get the Nation's weight under control, every week there is a new Government initiative - tax sugary drinks, tax sugar, tax alcohol.

This week fat is the enemy, the next week it's salt.

Surely the finger of blame should point back at the manufacturers who feed us this junk and price it cheaper than the food we really need to eat.

I can guarantee that, right now, a punnet of strawberries will cost more than a chocolate bar and a multi-pack of crisps will be less than a bag of salad.

I don't accept the argument that it's a question of education.

Unless you've just been parachuted in from space you know chips are bad for you and that mass consumption of chocolate will make you fat.

No, there's an unhealthy collusion between the Government, restaurants, food manufacturers and the media all happily working to keep us in this state of wavering weight with the scales moving ever upwards.

Yes I am responsible for my weight and the choices I make about it, but it's clear that for many of us the environment in which we make these choices is becoming more and more challenging.

And what of those whose health conditions have led to them putting on weight?

What help is available for them?

It would be interesting to see NHS statistics about the number of smokers and alcoholics treated, compared with the number of obese patients.

There comes a point, I suspect, at which you simply can no longer control your weight gain without medical, psychological and emotional support - no matter what Katie Hopkins says about putting on a pair of trainers and developing some willpower.

And there goes that klaxon again.

If we just give in to weight gain and don't make any attempt to stay within healthy limits,  where are we headed?

To that point at which all control is gone?

We have got ourselves into such a muddle over weight that it is almost a crime to talk about it at all but, for our future health and that of our kids,

I think it's time to put the cameras down and start talking.

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Review: Ilcsi Grape Stem Cell Gel Mask from Sulis & Thermae

Sulis & Thermae is a new website offering premium beauty and aromatherapy products.

Inspired by Sulis, Roman Goddess of Healing Water and Thermae, luxury Romanic bathing complexes, the emphasis is on global products with therapeutic properties.

They offer a wide range from bathing and skincare to men's grooming and home fragrance.

There's even a supplements and a mother & baby section.

It makes a refreshing change to see products which you wouldn't find on the high street, but which have something different to offer from other beauty website premium brands, many of whom have only celebrity endorsement as their claim to fame.

So, many of their brands are new to me, although I am familiar with Dr Lipp, Czech & Speake, Manuka Doctor, Miller Harris Perfumer and The Scottish Fine Soaps Company.

I was sent a product to try from Ilcsi, a natural skincare brand from Hungary.

This is a heritage brand founded 50 years ago based on recipes from Aunt Ilcsi.

I was sent the Grape Stem Cell Gel Mask which claims to regenerate and rejuvenate skin using powerful antioxidants to eliminate free radicals.

It has a high concentration of grape stem cells to help prevent premature ageing and stimulate cell renewal.

I'm never particularly swayed by lofty claims and, for me, the proof is in the product's effectiveness.

The mask has quite a high, sweet scent which, I must admit, made me wonder if it would make my slightly sensitive skin sting.

The fragrance reminded me of almonds, rather than grapes, although it is very pleasant.

The texture is best described as 'gloopy', but it is not sticky and goes on to leave a faint brown hue.

But, it did not sting in the slightest and dried quickly leaving a tightening and firming sensation.

After leaving the mask on for the suggested 15-20 minutes (during which I had no spa-like tranquillity but much hilarity from the kids), the product washed off easily with warm water.

My skin was left feeling firmer and smoother.

I was impressed by this mask and, unlike some of the beauty products I have reviewed which are destined to be handed on or to languish in the back of the bathroom cabinet, I will be using the Grape Stem Cell Gel Mask again.

I'd guess there's around 4-6 applications in the pot and Ilcsi suggest the mask is applied weekly.

At £44 it is not inexpensive, but I reckon if I bribe the Husband to take the kids out next time,  it's a treat I thoroughly deserve.

Have a look a Sulis & Thermae and let me know what you think.  Their Summer Sale is on at the moment - and it's never a bad idea to have bought a couple of Christmas presents in advance, is it?

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Mums - struggling with the school holidays already? Here's why you're doing fine.

Well I bet many of us are already feeling a little, how shall I put it, wrung out having looked after our little darlings for 3 days straight.

Cue much muttering from the "well what did you expect" and "why did you have kids then if you didn't want to look after them" brigade.

Many of us find ourselves as the sole childcare provider if our other half is working and, of course, the cost of childcare can be exorbitant - thank God for grandparents.

Let's press the mute button on our critics and acknowledge one or two things, shall we?

We love our kids and they love us.

It is our responsibility to set boundaries, limits, call them what you will so that our children learn how to fit in.

(Yes I know little Johnny has every right to kayak around the world eating lentils and being 'free' but such things are easier with an education and some sort of gainful employment under your belt).

Sometimes, the setting of boundaries requires, (whisper it), raising your voice and imposing sanctions - whether that be the removal of an iPad or time out.

The imposing of such sanctions very often makes you feel like s**t.

Learning to play independently is a valuable skill.

We do not need to provide wall-to-wall entertainment involving crafting, cooking, painting, singing, board games or reading for the entire time our kids are awake.

Meaningful interaction is required of course, but if you find yourself devising a time-table,

I suggest you make yourself a coffee and have a word with yourself.

That 'word' should involve asking yourself the following question honestly.

"What kind of mother do I want to be" and "Am I physically, mentally and emotionally capable of being that kind of mother?"

Culturally, our society prefers its mothers to have more in common with the Virgin Mary than it does with the living, flesh and blood conglomeration of discordant emotions that many of us consist of.

From an early age, we are taught that 'mothers' are sweet, caring and nurturing.

They are selfless, self-sacrificing and willing to relinquish all sense of entitlement to individual happiness just to ensure their offspring thrive.

Readers of this blog may recall that I have, on occasion, found myself identifying with Joan Crawford.

A rather stark counterpoint to the cultural fantasy described above.

The point, of course, is that the kind of mother you want to be is the kind that you are able to be.

An honest assessment of your failings, together with a plan to improve (where you can) is likely to be far more fulfilling for you and your kids than to mope on the sofa at the end of the day with a large glass of vino whilst muttering "I'm just not cut out for mothering".

If you're short on patience and your temper is frayed, make sure your self-care is up to scratch.

Are you getting enough sleep?

Eating right?

Drinking enough water?

Are you asking for help?

If you really are at the end of your tether and you can afford it, hire a babysitter (or bribe a relative) and just take two or three hours out for you - even if that's just nursing a coffee at Costa.

Or arrange to babysit for a friend in return for a night out with your partner or best friend.

Listen, if you are kind, caring and compassionate, if you soothe hurting tummies and wipe away tears, even if you sometimes shout quite loudly, it's all OK.

So, take a deep breath.

Put your guide to local attractions and "501 free things to do with the kids" down for a moment.

Geo caching whilst wearing floral wellies can wait.

Building a fully functional mobile home out of cardboard boxes and an old camping trailer can be shelved, as can baking a cake in the shape of Taylor Swift.

Tomorrow, when the dark cloud of "useless mothering" looms large over your head, turn everything with a screen off.

Throw some cushions on the floor and just sit down with your kids, tell them a story or just chat.

That's all they really want.  Your attention. Heck,  I've convinced myself.  I'm going to give it a go.

After all, kids are human too.  Now, where's my wine.

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