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Friday, 24 July 2015

Is It Still OK To Admit You Want To Lose Weight?

I ask this simply because, since I married in 2011, I have put on 12 lbs which are currently sitting comfortably around my stomach (the kids call it a 'podge'), hips and thighs.



Now my ideal weight is, according to the generally unreliable but prevalent medical charts (actually devised for insurance, and not medical purposes by the way), around 9 st 9lbs.

Don't ask me to go metric.  I'm happy with Imperial measurements thank you very much.

This, I appreciate is clearly a "first world problem" which could be easily solved by not stuffing so much food in my face and joining the rapidly growing cult of "sitting is the new smoking".

But everywhere I look there are plus sized sisters 'embracing their curves', insisting on their right to be body confident no matter what their size (and, indeed, why not?) and even wearing obesity like some feminist trophy of war.

Women of all shapes and sizes are staking their claim to beauty and femininity and taking the likes of Protein World and their "beach body ready" advertising campaign to task.

But you know somewhere a little klaxon is sounding;  a note of warning I can't quite shake off.

I see these women and their bravery and I think, "perhaps I don't need to lose any weight at all".

Perhaps I should just eat and be happy.

Does it matter if I have a burgeoning muffin top?

Will it matter when my thighs start to chafe and I can no longer run at all?

I am really, really torn.

I know that, medically, we were not designed to carry too much excess weight and that its original purpose was to keep us alive until the next successful hunt.

I know that I should not make weight an issue for my kids, particularly Caitlin who, at nearly 8, is already aware of the body shape that the media finds most desirable - and it's still thin.

If I'm confused by these mixed messages, what on earth is going on in the minds of our youngsters?

We can have as many lauded Twitter campaigns as we like but this will not make being overweight safe for our bodies or a route to longevity.

The media can trumpet about the latest morbidly obese super model but is this really the way to give confidence to young women?

Some will argue that it is possible to be overweight and healthy, surely the two are polar opposites?

And in an attempt to do something, anything to get the Nation's weight under control, every week there is a new Government initiative - tax sugary drinks, tax sugar, tax alcohol.

This week fat is the enemy, the next week it's salt.

Surely the finger of blame should point back at the manufacturers who feed us this junk and price it cheaper than the food we really need to eat.

I can guarantee that, right now, a punnet of strawberries will cost more than a chocolate bar and a multi-pack of crisps will be less than a bag of salad.

I don't accept the argument that it's a question of education.

Unless you've just been parachuted in from space you know chips are bad for you and that mass consumption of chocolate will make you fat.

No, there's an unhealthy collusion between the Government, restaurants, food manufacturers and the media all happily working to keep us in this state of wavering weight with the scales moving ever upwards.

Yes I am responsible for my weight and the choices I make about it, but it's clear that for many of us the environment in which we make these choices is becoming more and more challenging.

And what of those whose health conditions have led to them putting on weight?

What help is available for them?

It would be interesting to see NHS statistics about the number of smokers and alcoholics treated, compared with the number of obese patients.

There comes a point, I suspect, at which you simply can no longer control your weight gain without medical, psychological and emotional support - no matter what Katie Hopkins says about putting on a pair of trainers and developing some willpower.

And there goes that klaxon again.

If we just give in to weight gain and don't make any attempt to stay within healthy limits,  where are we headed?

To that point at which all control is gone?

We have got ourselves into such a muddle over weight that it is almost a crime to talk about it at all but, for our future health and that of our kids,

I think it's time to put the cameras down and start talking.
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Thursday, 23 July 2015

Review: Ilcsi Grape Stem Cell Gel Mask from Sulis & Thermae

Sulis & Thermae is a new website offering premium beauty and aromatherapy products.

Inspired by Sulis, Roman Goddess of Healing Water and Thermae, luxury Romanic bathing complexes, the emphasis is on global products with therapeutic properties.

They offer a wide range from bathing and skincare to men's grooming and home fragrance.

There's even a supplements and a mother & baby section.

It makes a refreshing change to see products which you wouldn't find on the high street, but which have something different to offer from other beauty website premium brands, many of whom have only celebrity endorsement as their claim to fame.


So, many of their brands are new to me, although I am familiar with Dr Lipp, Czech & Speake, Manuka Doctor, Miller Harris Perfumer and The Scottish Fine Soaps Company.

I was sent a product to try from Ilcsi, a natural skincare brand from Hungary.

This is a heritage brand founded 50 years ago based on recipes from Aunt Ilcsi.


I was sent the Grape Stem Cell Gel Mask which claims to regenerate and rejuvenate skin using powerful antioxidants to eliminate free radicals.

It has a high concentration of grape stem cells to help prevent premature ageing and stimulate cell renewal.

I'm never particularly swayed by lofty claims and, for me, the proof is in the product's effectiveness.


The mask has quite a high, sweet scent which, I must admit, made me wonder if it would make my slightly sensitive skin sting.

The fragrance reminded me of almonds, rather than grapes, although it is very pleasant.

The texture is best described as 'gloopy', but it is not sticky and goes on to leave a faint brown hue.


But, it did not sting in the slightest and dried quickly leaving a tightening and firming sensation.

After leaving the mask on for the suggested 15-20 minutes (during which I had no spa-like tranquillity but much hilarity from the kids), the product washed off easily with warm water.

My skin was left feeling firmer and smoother.


I was impressed by this mask and, unlike some of the beauty products I have reviewed which are destined to be handed on or to languish in the back of the bathroom cabinet, I will be using the Grape Stem Cell Gel Mask again.

I'd guess there's around 4-6 applications in the pot and Ilcsi suggest the mask is applied weekly.

At £44 it is not inexpensive, but I reckon if I bribe the Husband to take the kids out next time,  it's a treat I thoroughly deserve.

Have a look a Sulis & Thermae and let me know what you think.  Their Summer Sale is on at the moment - and it's never a bad idea to have bought a couple of Christmas presents in advance, is it?
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Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Mums - struggling with the school holidays already? Here's why you're doing fine.

Well I bet many of us are already feeling a little, how shall I put it, wrung out having looked after our little darlings for 3 days straight.

Cue much muttering from the "well what did you expect" and "why did you have kids then if you didn't want to look after them" brigade.



Many of us find ourselves as the sole childcare provider if our other half is working and, of course, the cost of childcare can be exorbitant - thank God for grandparents.

Let's press the mute button on our critics and acknowledge one or two things, shall we?

We love our kids and they love us.

It is our responsibility to set boundaries, limits, call them what you will so that our children learn how to fit in.

(Yes I know little Johnny has every right to kayak around the world eating lentils and being 'free' but such things are easier with an education and some sort of gainful employment under your belt).

Sometimes, the setting of boundaries requires, (whisper it), raising your voice and imposing sanctions - whether that be the removal of an iPad or time out.

The imposing of such sanctions very often makes you feel like s**t.

Learning to play independently is a valuable skill.

We do not need to provide wall-to-wall entertainment involving crafting, cooking, painting, singing, board games or reading for the entire time our kids are awake.

Meaningful interaction is required of course, but if you find yourself devising a time-table,

I suggest you make yourself a coffee and have a word with yourself.

That 'word' should involve asking yourself the following question honestly.

"What kind of mother do I want to be" and "Am I physically, mentally and emotionally capable of being that kind of mother?"

Culturally, our society prefers its mothers to have more in common with the Virgin Mary than it does with the living, flesh and blood conglomeration of discordant emotions that many of us consist of.

From an early age, we are taught that 'mothers' are sweet, caring and nurturing.

They are selfless, self-sacrificing and willing to relinquish all sense of entitlement to individual happiness just to ensure their offspring thrive.

Readers of this blog may recall that I have, on occasion, found myself identifying with Joan Crawford.

A rather stark counterpoint to the cultural fantasy described above.

The point, of course, is that the kind of mother you want to be is the kind that you are able to be.

An honest assessment of your failings, together with a plan to improve (where you can) is likely to be far more fulfilling for you and your kids than to mope on the sofa at the end of the day with a large glass of vino whilst muttering "I'm just not cut out for mothering".

If you're short on patience and your temper is frayed, make sure your self-care is up to scratch.

Are you getting enough sleep?

Eating right?

Drinking enough water?

Are you asking for help?

If you really are at the end of your tether and you can afford it, hire a babysitter (or bribe a relative) and just take two or three hours out for you - even if that's just nursing a coffee at Costa.

Or arrange to babysit for a friend in return for a night out with your partner or best friend.

Listen, if you are kind, caring and compassionate, if you soothe hurting tummies and wipe away tears, even if you sometimes shout quite loudly, it's all OK.

So, take a deep breath.

Put your guide to local attractions and "501 free things to do with the kids" down for a moment.

Geo caching whilst wearing floral wellies can wait.

Building a fully functional mobile home out of cardboard boxes and an old camping trailer can be shelved, as can baking a cake in the shape of Taylor Swift.

Tomorrow, when the dark cloud of "useless mothering" looms large over your head, turn everything with a screen off.

Throw some cushions on the floor and just sit down with your kids, tell them a story or just chat.

That's all they really want.  Your attention. Heck,  I've convinced myself.  I'm going to give it a go.

After all, kids are human too.  Now, where's my wine.

Like what you've read?  Why not join me on the Mother Distracted Facebook page, tweet me on @lindahobbis or follow me on Instagram.
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Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Why silence is the new wealth

As I sit in my lounge now at 8:14 pm I can hear kids playing two gardens away and someone hammering in the throws of some fit of DIY which has been going on for four nights.

If I open a window I can hear dogs barking.

Always dogs barking.

I'm dreaming of peace
As soon as their owners leave for work in the morning, off they yap.

How is it right that you can leave a dog all day on its own?

Aren't we supposed to be a nation of dog lovers?

When I was young, we were taught that you respected your neighbours and didn't indulge in anti-social behaviour such as lawn mowing in the early evening.

Two doors away from me live a couple with a young baby.

Next door we have two teenage boys and one young girl that same age as my daughter.

Across the way live an elderly couple.

You get the feeling that we are all invisible.

Why is it, I wonder, that the smaller the garden, the larger (and noisier) the mower?

Do you really need a petrol mower to cope with a postage stamp size lawn?

Is it some mark of masculinity?  Some last proof of fertility?

My bedroom faces the road which, although relatively quiet, is a short cut between the village and the main road to Cardiff.

At midnight, cars race through or drop people off without thinking to lower the thumping volume of their radios.

Taxi drivers are the worst for this.  I often wake with a start.

I dream about living in a house of silence.

Ironic since, due to my tinnitus, silence isn't something I've enjoyed for years but oh, the bliss of never having to listen to other people's noise.

The Husband says we are equally bad noise offenders.

And it's true.

When the kids are in the paddling pool, we both spend a fraught half hour or so pleading with them to keep quiet, to be respectful, but still mindful that children are supposed to make noise.

It's called play and it's normal.

But at least we try to keep them quiet.

At least we consider other people's feelings.

Our neighbours think nothing of vacuuming or hammering at 10 pm.

We spent one summer listening daily to the incessant drone of a radio left in the garden to play loudly - even if the occupants went into the house, the radio still droned on.

Thankfully, things have quietened down since then.

We don't let the kids play outside before 9 am on Sundays.

We ensure that they don't make too much noise early in the morning and if we clean the cars we do not, like other neighbours, undertake the task with all the car doors open and the radio blaring at full blast down the street.

Am I the only one who hates summer for this reason?

You can keep the idealised TV adverts with their soft-focus barbecues.

There is literally no escape now - from people who think it fine to let their phones ring in theatres, to those who are happy to chat through a cinema film.

When the temperature rises, the windows open and we all have to go radio ga-ga.

Builders seem unable to undertake any kind of work without a radio blaring.

The school run is punctuated by car radios at ear-bleeding volume, or else people taking hands free telephone calls so loudly the entire conversation can be heard in the next town.

Recently, on the ITV programme Loose Women, the possibility of rail companies getting rid of the quiet carriage on trains was discussed.

Some thought quiet carriages should be preserved as a haven of peace; others thought that if you paid your ticket, you were entitled to behave as you like.

Hmm.  I have never been in a quiet carriage where anyone took that much notice of 'the rules'.

Actually I think that the instigation of quiet carriages on trains had more to do with our nation's inherent dislike of children making a noise than it did with convenience for business travellers or those who wanted to quietly read or watch the countryside pass by lost in thought.

If I ever win the lottery,  I will be buying a house deep in the country where the only sound is that of birdsong (if we have any such countryside left given the likely scale of construction needed to meet our demand for housing).

The Husband says that I would still find something 'noisy'.  Cows, agricultural machinery, cockerels, there are a host of noise pollution possibilities.

But at least my fantasy keeps me quiet.

You can have all the money and 'things' in this world but if you don't have peace, and a quiet sacred space in which to exist, what do you have, really?

How can you experience your life to someone else's (usually discordant) sound-track?

Silence, my friends, is the new wealth.
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Monday, 20 July 2015

Choosing The Best Wedding Dress for a Civil Wedding Ceremony

This is the last in my series of guest posts from Venus Bridal UK and here the focus is on finding a wedding dress suitable for a civil wedding ceremony.

If you're getting married in a hotel, as I did, you may find a dress with a long train rather unsuitable!

Another consideration is that you may well be sitting down for a longer period of time, particularly if your reception is following straight on from the ceremony.

My dress had lacing at the back so it could be let out for breathing (and toilet breaks!).

I'd also advise deciding whether or not you will want to wear the dress again when making your choice.

I planned to cut the train off and get a dress-maker to turn my wedding dress into an evening gown - but I haven't quite got around to it yet.

Finally, if you do plan to wear your wedding dress again, be aware that your weight may well change (I was a stone lighter on my wedding day!), and that even if you plan to wear it again, you might not be able to get back into it!

Here's the advice from Venus Bridal.

Where you have your civil wedding will help influence what you will wear on your big day but should by no means limit it.

With this in mind, your dress needs to suit the season and the location but you should also think about the type of civil ceremony you’re having, as civil ceremonies take place in countless settings – including on a beach, in a fairytale castle or in a hotel ballroom.


However, if you want to look like a princess there’s nothing stopping you but you can also go for a relaxed and casual look or even fancy dress.

That’s the beauty of civil weddings.

And, of course, you can always ask your partner what they would like to see you in.

Type of outfit

For a civil ceremony, you can essentially wear anything you like – a short dress, smart suit, T-shirt and jeans, or even a themed outfit - but whatever you decide on make sure you feel comfortable in your final choice.

Your wedding day is the time you show friends and family how much you and your betrothed love each other - it is not a time to experiment or try to be something you’re not.

But with a civil ceremony you can allow yourself more leeway than with a traditional wedding.

Most brides would not wear a short dress for a church wedding but they are ideal at civil ones.

And then there’s the practicalities to consider: a short dress is often less expensive, easier to carry if going abroad, more comfortable and you can wear it again.

Dress shape


If you decide on a dress think about your best and worst features and then choose a shape that hides the bits you’re less fond of and highlights your best parts.

Colour of your outfit

One of the great advantages of a civil wedding is the freedom to choose a wedding dress that is not white.

This is great for those who don’t have the right colouring for a brilliant white dress.

But you can go beyond the off -white shades such as ivory or cream and really go to town with dramatic reds, pale golds or ethereal lilacs.

Fabrics

Wedding dresses come in a variety of fabrics but when deciding what fabric to use it is a good idea to remember what time of year and/or the location.

With a civil ceremony you have a lot more choice, you no longer are confined to satin and silk or crepe and brocade.

Headwear


Unless you still want to look like a princess on your special day it is probably preferable not to wear a train.

However, that doesn’t mean you have to go bareheaded – you can wear a headdress or a hat that suits your dress. In fact, you can make a real statement with what you wear on your head.

Whatever wedding outfit you choose to wear for a civil ceremony, the bridal attire can be just as beautiful and as unforgettable as a more traditional wedding gown.

This blog post was written by Venus Bridal, bridal gown designers and manufacturers who provide timeless, glamorous and diverse wedding gowns to stockists throughout the whole of the UK.
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Sunday, 19 July 2015

My Sunday Photo - 19/07/2015


OneDad3Girls
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Friday, 17 July 2015

No Smoking When Children Are In The Car In The UK From 1 October 2015

On the 9th July this year, the UK Government announced new rules about smoking in cars which will come into effect this autumn. These new rules will go some way to protect children from being exposed to the risks of passive smoking in the enclosed environment of our cars.


This is, of course, a highly emotive issue - particularly for smokers who feel that their rights are being gradually eroded. But the health of our children must come first.

Smoking is a particular bugbear in our family.  My father has smoked a pipe for decades and has been unable (and unwilling) to give it up - despite having survived prostate cancer and a heart attack. He has never smoked in the car but believe me, I am well aware of the likely reaction from some smokers.

But aren't we all so much more educated now?  Can anyone, hand on heart, justify smoking in a car with kids present?

Of course, like the horrendously dangerous activity of using a mobile phone whilst driving, the problem will be enforcing this at a time when police resources are already stretched.  But it's a step in the right direction, at least.

These are the new rules.

From the 1st October this year it will be an offence:

- for retailers to sell electronic cigarettes (e-cigarettes) or e-liquids to someone under 18

- for adults to buy (or try to buy) tobacco products or e-cigarettes for someone under 18

- to smoke in private vehicles that are carrying someone under 18

So it will be an offence:

- for a person of any age to smoke in a private vehicle that is carrying someone who is under 18

- for a driver (including a provisional driver) not to stop someone smoking in these circumstances

Offences carry a £50 fixed penalty fine or possible referral to court.

You can read the new rules HERE
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