A Mummy Blogger's Guilt

Recovering from Britmums Live 2015 and still marvelling at the sheer volume of mummy bloggers, their chutzpah, their confidence and their blogging prowess, I am sat in my 'writing chair' (mine in the day, the Husband's in the evening) trying to 'inspire, educate, entertain' and many of the other goals discussed over the weekend.

Except I can't.

Nope.  It's an inset day and Caitlin and Ieuan are out playing in the garden whilst I sit here and feel what can best be termed as "extreme blogger guilt".  The Husband is in the loft working from home today before flying off to Europe on business tomorrow.  There is a kind of irony in that fact.  He is being paid and therefore has no qualms in focusing solely on his job. He will appear as referee and sounding board for both the kids and I if need be, but he has none of the accompanying guilt I feel.

I, on the other hand, am somewhat confused about what I should be focusing on.

If you are a 'stay at home mother', even if you work from home (or are trying to create a new job role for yourself), it feels as if your 'job' is to focus entirely on the children.

Don't get me wrong.  I chose this.  And yes, I'm bloody lucky.

But the boundaries are all mixed up.  I watch the kids play from the french doors' window and think "I should be out there with them.  I am missing valuable moments of their childhood which I will never have again"

The blogger in me says "yes, but you are not just a mum.  It is OK for you to try to re-establish yourself in the World, to create a niche, make the most of your education and help your husband to secure your kids' future (and, alright, to have some blogging-related fun times along the way).

It is not that wall-to-wall childcare is difficult in terms of 'technical ability' but the occasional mundanity and the sheer repetition can really grind you down - particularly if you have just had a (rare) two day break away from your kids and can just about still remember what it was like to have nobody to answer to but yourself, nobody else to worry about and nobody else's expectations to dash apart from your own!

The Husband has not had to make this choice and I'm not sure he altogether understands how vast a choice it feels like I have made sometimes.

Organisation is the key, I suppose.  A timetable which allows me to focus on time with the kids and time blogging.  The solutions are there - practicality should be my watchword.

But even then, I'm not sure it will heal the rift I feel between me as a mother and me as the professional working woman I once was.

I don't think I have ever felt more conflicted.

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Review: DermaEraze Miracle Oil by Lorena Öberg

As you get older your skincare preparations need to be a whole lot gentler.  In fact, I think those of us over 40 have as big a job finding skincare products which truly suit us as teenagers fighting the blight of spots and blemishes (which I still occasionally get!).

For years I have viewed oils with a degree of suspicion.  All those years of removing oil from my face (especially my nose) and now I'm supposed to start putting it back on?

51 and I still get hurty, angry skin

But, I have started experiementing with oil based products (for example L'Oreal's Age Perfect Extraordinary Facial Oil and Sanctuary's Ultimate Cleaning Facial Oil) and my nervousness is definitely starting to abate.

I recently came across DermaEraze Miracle Oil - created by skin repair expert Lorena Öberg - CEO & Founder of 'Lorena Öberg Skincare'. Clinics in Harley Street & Surrey. An all purpose oil that helps heal the skin, it can be used as a moisturiser for dry skin, preventing and treating stretch marks (especially caused during pregnancy), after sun-care, bruises or chapped lips.  It contains a combination of oils including olive, avocado and almond oils which, says Lorena, will help stimulate healing and helps prevent skin imperfections if used daily.

To use DermaEraze Miracle Oil as part of your cleansing routine, after using your usual cleanser, simply apply a couple of dabs or tiny drops to each side of your face, then apply warm water on your hands and very gently massage the oil over your face (including any problem areas) then allow to settle.  The oil has a thin to medium consistency - it is not heavy or gloopy and I found that it is quickly absorbed.

The idea is that the oils will not only act as an essential conditioner for your skin but also provide a layer of protection and I certainly found my skin felt smoother and had benefited from the massaging. The dry patch to the side of my mouth was less flaky, albeit slightly redder from the massaging.

After applying DermaEraze Oil

It is obviously too early days to say how long it will take for DermaEraze Miracle Oil to get rid of my dry flaky patch, but it is certainly a gentler way of treating my skin than harsh exfoliation.  The oil is multi-purpose too. You can also use the oil in the bath and on your hair and the Husband can use it to shave.

Available at: www.lorenaoberg.co.uk/contact/shop/, DermaEraze Miracle Oil retails at £15 for 50ml with larger sizes available and a flat £5 shipping fee within the UK.

You can also connect with Derma Eraze on Twitter at @DermaEraze and on Facebook at www.facebook.com/LorenaObergSkincare.

A PR sample was received for the purpose of this review.

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My Sunday Photo - 21/06/2015

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Can your GP really diagnose in 10 minutes?

Now I appreciate that we are lucky to have the NHS.  I also appreciate that many of my medical ailments are comparatively minor and that many GPs are working all the hours God sends (albeit for what could be considered a very generous salary) and do their best to help us.

An apple a day doesn't always keep the doctor away

But, here's the thing.

In my local surgery we are allocated 10 minutes per appointment and I fail to see how a comprehensive diagnosis can possibly be made in that time.  I spend more time waiting to see I doctor than I do in front of them. Ignoring the logistical problem of keeping everybody happy and ensuring medical emergencies get priority treatment, let me give you an example of what I'm talking about.

I have been variously diagnosed with TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint syndrome), Bruxism (teeth grinding), bleeding gums, Early Onset Hearing Loss and Vulvodynia.  Add to the mix lower back pain and anxiety. My life is occasionally a series of trips to the doctors - each generally futile because a GP will treat the symptoms you present at the time without considering the overall picture.

For example, go to the doctors with gynaecological problems and I can guarantee you will be treated for i) thrush, ii) water infection or if you are my age iii) vaginal dryness.  It's as if there are literally only 3 choices.  Now it may well be that, for most women, these are likely to be the main contenders but what if they're not?

And that, to me is the crux of the matter.

I have been reading about Fibromyalgia lately - happening to come across some excellent blog posts on the topic and it's curious that every single one of my symptoms could be the result of this.

Fibromyalgia is a long term condition that causes pain all over the body. The NHS says that "the exact cause of fibromyalgia is unknown, but it's thought to be related to abnormal levels of certain chemicals in the brain and changes in the way the central nervous system (brain, spinal cord and nerves) processes pain messages carried around the body. It's also suggested that some people are more likely to develop fibromyalgia because of genes inherited from their parents."

But I know that unless I go to my GP and directly ask the question "could I have Fibromyalgia", there is practically zero chance that anybody would make the link between my symptoms and start to address the potential cause.

Constantly treating the symptoms without addressing the cause must be costing the NHS millions, not least in the amount of antibiotics and antidepressants that are dished out.  Is it any wonder so many of us are turning to Dr Google?  There is obviously a lot of incorrect and potentially dangerous medical information online, but as our obsession for googling all things medical grows, we are reaching a place where the patients consider themselves much better informed than their doctors - which must make a doctor's life even more difficult and may be putting some of us at risk.

There is no obvious answer to this problem.  We need a root and branch change to the way we think about medicine and its place our health.  We surely cannot go on with a situation where the sum total of a doctor's advice is "put a bit of cream on it" (oh yes, I've heard that one a few times).

I suspect that the future of medical care in the UK may well involve compulsory medical insurance and private medical care.

But perhaps a rethink about how we manage doctors appointments is in order.  And some division of labour so that there are medical specialists in particular areas in each practice - my first suggestion would be paediatrics, closely followed by gynaecology! Let's staff up practices to cover practical appointment times e.g. up to 7 pm at night.

Having spent 20 years in Law I can say that law firms have had to look at their business models and many have had to drag themselves kicking and screaming into the 21st century.  Better communication (both internally and with clients), a clearer understanding of the needs of their clients and designing services to anticipate and meet those needs have been critical for those firms who have survived.

It's time for our doctors' surgeries to start thinking the same way.

If more comprehensive and accurate diagnoses are not made at an early stage, then all that will happen is that chronic conditions will need to be treated at greater time and expense in our hospitals. Get the diagnosis right in the first place (or earlier on) and the number of appointments requested will probably decrease, freeing up time for treating more medical emergencies or offering more specialist care.

Otherwise, we'll all just carry on diagnosing ourselves and putting up with aches and pains that maybe, just maybe, could have been dispensed with months, even years ago.

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Win a gorgeous organic beauty hamper from Urtekram

The older I get, the more I appreciate the benefits that organic products can offer - particularly now that I have kids.  We know that the skin is the largest organ of the body and that some of the chemicals we put on it can be absorbed with a potentially detrimental effect further down the line.  It makes sense to me to try organic products, particularly now that the slightly dusty and uninspired image they used to have is long gone and many ranges now rival the best that the beauty market can offer.

So I was interested to discover Danish organic beauty specialist Urtekram which has just launched an all new, organic range drawing on its philosophy of simplicity and honesty.

They have been creating their plant-based products since 1972 and have created a range which includes shampoos, conditioners, body lotions, shower gels, soaps and scrubs, crystal deodorants and even toothpastes using the most aromatic herbs, flowers and oils in the world.

Not all organic products are created equal and even some of the ingredients in these can affect our bodies, but Urtekram products meet the COSMOS-standard which is an internationally recognised standard for organic and natural cosmetics. Their products are also certified by Ecocert Greenlife which is the international certification body for sustainable development and organic agricultural production. The Urtekram range is hypoallergenic, Vegan Society approved and free from parabens, synthetic ingredients and artificial colours. Impressive credentials.

In the UK, the range includes Rose (made from fine rose geranium oil and shea butter to nuture and calm the skin), Brown Sugar (made with Fairtrade sugar from Paraguay) and sun-ripened orange-scented Aloe Vera among others.  There is also a no perfume baby range.

Urtekram have kindly sent me a selection of their products to try and I will be reviewing these for you shortly. You can buy their products from all good health food shops, priced from £1.75 and I have a lovely hamper containing every product in Urtekram's Rose range for one lucky winner.  Just enter via the rafflecopter widget below.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The competition ends at midnight on 30th June 2015.  UK entries only.  Good luck!

Further information about Urtekram can be found at www.urtekram.com or www.healthyfoodbrands.co.uk.

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What do you say when your child hates sports day?

Actually,  to be more precise,  what do you say when YOU hated sports day but you want to enthuse your child?

This was NOT me.

I was a complete sports duffer.  I used to play Left Back at Hockey because the bib had my initials on.  I tried tennis, but our teacher couldn't be faffed teaching a left hander.  I tried cross country running.  Well,  a brisk jog down the lanes surrounding the school anyway.

Our school had a swimming pool (complete with, we later discovered, its own asbestos tiles), the water of which was always freezing.  I remember lessons in winter were particularly onerous because you could never dry your hair and would spend afternoon lessons with water dripping from your pony tail down your back.

And don't mention gym - we had wall bars and ropes and those 'horse' thingummys. I once managed a forward roll.  That's it.

On the other hand,  I studied ballet and completed all the Royal School of Dance exams up to Pre-Elementary so I did do some exercise during my teenage years.

And Dad did take my sister Sarah and I out on our bikes quite a lot.

In those days Dinas Powys really was a village and the surrounding country lanes were quiet. Nobody worried about wearing a safety helmet then.

It seems like another world now, doesn't it!

My most hated event in the school calendar was sports day.

There were always the cool girls who could sprint without breaking into a sweat.

There were the strong and solid girls who could chuck a shot or a javelin for what seemed like miles.

And then there were the small group of us sporting renegades for whom hiding out in the changing room toilets or, better still, remembering some extremely urgent piano practice in the music room seemed a better bet.

Caitlin seems to have inherited my loathing of forced sporting activity, gung-ho banner waving and irritating whistle blowing. I am, however, determined that she should give sports more of a go than I did.

She is not very confident and is not one of the fastest runners - largely because she does not have the competitive edge that some of her peers do - inherited, I suspect from their far more sporty parents.

"Does it matter if I come last?"  she's asked me on a couple of occasions.

It's a more sensitive subject because her brother Ieuan lollops everywhere, making running looks as easy as breathing.

So what do you say to a child who hates their school sports day?

How about some of these.

* Everybody is built differently.  Some can run fast, some can jump high and some are born to dance.

* Even if you don't win, by trying your hardest you are helping your school team (or house) to succeed.

* Even if you are not good at sports now, one day you may be (Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards, anybody?)

* If you want to succeed at anything you've got to practise (train).  Athletes train for hours every day.

* If you don't do well, nobody will remember.

* See yourself winning.  Imagine you are running down the track as fast as a superhero. Nothing can stop you.

* Believe you can and you will

* We will love and be proud of you no matter what happens.

I'd be tempted to add "your mother had all the speed and grace of a sleepy heffalump and she's turned out OK" but that's possibly not up there with the best coaching strategies.

What do you tell your kids?

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Had kids - warning - you might cry at EVERYTHING now

Oh God.  I used to be vaguely emotional, but since I had kids it's as if the dam has opened and I cry at anything.  Randomly.  I suppose it's because the balance of my hormones has altered, although at my age, I'm more menopausal than premenstrual!

Leave me alone.  I'm just having 'a moment'.

Of course there are plenty of days when, as mothers, we may spend more than an hour or so on the brink of mild hysteria.  This state can be induced very easily during breakfast by a coco-pops shortage, running out of milk or the offspring moving slower than a slug through treacle to don their school uniform or put their coat on.

But I'm talking about real tears, runny noses and damp tissues.  I'm talking puffy eyes and a mild headache from the facial exercise involved in try to hide the fact that you are crying.  

I always used to be set off by television programmes like "The Waltons", "Little House on The Prairie" and even the film "The Sound of Music" but now every time I turn the television on, it's an emotional time-bomb.

For example, I cry at

• - charity ads
• - Comic Relief or Sports Aid
• - any community based DIY project programme, or "Changing Rooms"
• - wildlife documentaries - if little ducks get eaten, I'm done for.
• - beautiful pictures of trees
• - christmas adverts - John Lewis' ad is always torture (in a good way)
• - nativity plays and the kids' christmas shows

Not only do I cry at sad things, but I cry at happiness inducing things too.  For this reason, I fear watching just one episode of "Long Lost Families" would be extremely bad for my health.  It's bad enough coping with the Nationwide Bank advert featuring the father who leaves his scarf on the bus. It's not Anna Karenina is it but still, the old bottom lip starts to wobble.

Is it just me though?  I turned to my fellow parenting bloggers to see if their waterworks were as random and spontaneous as mine.

Anneka at mrscraftb.co.uk says  "Oh my goodness! I'm exactly the same. Anything where there is a mummy and baby involved; "One Born Every Minute, gorillas on a wildlife programmes, mice on "Spring Watch!! Gosh it's terrible.

Laura at sidestreetstyle.com says "I never used to cry but now if I watch "One Born Every Minute" I'm in floods of tears every time a baby is born".

Mellissa at thediaryofajewellerylover.co.uk shared that "I cried when my son won an award in Art for the best GCSE results in the school. I had big tears rolling down my face and felt so silly.

For Rebecca Ann at munchiesandmunchkins.com it's "anything at all which involves children being ill or dying even if I know it's fictional . I was actually blabbing 5 minutes into the film "The Impossible" whilst heavily pregnant with baby 2 - the wave hadn't even hit by that point by the way. I also cry a lot more now when I see people being very nice to others.

Su at soosie.wales says "everyone thinks I'm strong but under the hard exterior I'm fluffy marshmallow! I can cry at the drop of a hat. Posts from bloggers relating to hard times, films, adverts..the recent one about a chap that loses his scarf gets me every time. Suffering of children, bad treatment of anyone. Years ago Esther Rantzen did a programme about homeless people and it featured an old chap. An old soldier who fought for this country living on the streets. It broke my heart, I was inconsolable for hours at the injustice of it."

Debbie at anorganisedmess.com says "my hubby laughs at the things I cry at since having children, not that I was heartless before, but definitely the films I wouldn't have thought so much about before- I'm thinking of "My Sister's Keeper" and "The Impossible" as most recent examples. But I've also lost my fearlessness, especially at theme parks- my children (at 4 and 6) will now go on rides which make me feel ill, whereas before I had to go on rides alone because the OH wouldn't go on."

Cathryn at cardiffmummysays.com has the same problem.  She says "Oh yes, this is me too. I've always been emotional but it's gone into overdrive since having children. At my daughter's first school christmas show, I was crying before they'd even come on stage! I cried loads listening to them sing. When we had the open morning before she started in reception, they had the year 6s singing a song they'd written about them leaving and going off to secondary. I was crying and these weren't even my kids, and my daughter hadn't even started at the school! I cry at all their birthdays, when everyone is singing happy birthday. And films - I cried in Cinderella because it was heartbreaking when her mother was dying, but I also cried in The Lego Movie, when we realised it's about a boy and his dad, and Home when she finds her mum again. I cry every year when my children wake up on Christmas morning and Father Christmas has been. I cried when my two eldest, completely unprompted, sang a song for their grandparents, word perfect. Basically, I cry at anything!"

Cathryn also remarked that she feels so much more aware of death and loss now that she's a mum. And isn't that the real reason we mums well up so frequently?  Nothing makes you more aware of the passage of time than having a child - doubly so for us older mums.

In a strange way, having kids seems to hold a magnifying glass up to all our emotions, both good and bad, and we somehow gain the courage to express them in ways we wouldn't have dreamed of before. I have given up being embarrassed about crying, at least in front of the Husband, although I suspect he thinks blubbing all the way the "Britain's Got Talent" is a little odd.  (Côr Glanaethwy, the Welsh Choir were robbed!).

I'm welling up already just thinking about it .......

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