Ever dumped a friend because you didn't feel their equal?

In the often challenging world of female friendships, there are times when, even though you have a lot in common with another woman, and you are, on the face of it, friends, you just don't feel like you measure up.

To use the well worn cliche, it's not them, it's you.

I have (or rather had) a friend.  I'll call her "B".

A couple of years older than me, she had held a high ranking position in the HR department of a manufacturing firm. I, at the time was Marketing Director of a law firm but, nevertheless, there was no comparison in the authority our roles carried.

She was eventually made redundant but reinvented her working life by becoming CEO of a new Welsh company.

Whilst I left work to become a stay-at-home mum, she became a single parent, giving birth to a little boy in her late forties.

But, unlike me, "B" returned to work and continues to build her professional reputation whilst juggling all the challenges that single motherhood throws at her.

This she does with spirit and a certain amount of "gung-ho-ness" that makes me feel like I have no 'coping equipment'.

For a while we met up regularly.

We would go out for meals and discuss our children - who all played well together.

During school holidays, we would take the children on outings.  I would invariably forget something basic - like plasters or a change of clothes for the kids, whilst "B" would have everything prepared - medication, clothing changes, food, snacks, you name it, she had thought of it and, thoughtfully, provided it.

We even had a week's holiday together one summer which seemed, on the face of it, to go smoothly and to be enjoyed by us all.

Just occasionally though, I would sense her frustration with me.

I am quite quiet, occasionally lack confidence and am rubbish in large groups.

I always preferred to organize events rather than network at them.

"B" could walk in anywhere, from business conferences to shops or the restaurants we ate at and take charge.

She had a way of getting others to do her bidding whilst remaining charming and confident at all times.

I began to feel 'lesser'.

If was as if she unwittingly held up a mirror to my imperfections, reminding me of all those social quirks and inadequacies I had fought so hard to quash (or hide) in my often wobbly climb in my marketing profession.

So, being rather cowardly, I stopped calling.

Weeks drifted into months and now it is almost a year. I know that I should call but I can't quite bring myself to do it.

I figure that friendships should not feel 'forced' or make you feel as if you don't quite measure up.

The irony is that these thoughts are in my head and have never been expressed by "B".

My kids often ask after her and her little boy and I'm hard pressed to know what to say to them.

I think the story also highlights what happens when you give up work to become a stay-at-home mum.

The effect it has on your confidence and sense of self-worth may well affect more than your immediate relationships with your partner and family, but impact upon your wider circle of friends as well.

It is like watching the ripples from a stone thrown into a lake getting bigger and bigger.

I know I should pick up the phone and have an honest chat but I will have to be in a stronger place than I am right now before I do.

Have you ever experienced this?

Perhaps you have found friends mysteriously avoiding you and wondered why?

I'd love to hear your stories.

Like what you've read?  Why not join me on the Mother Distracted Facebook page, tweet me on @lindahobbis or follow me on Instagram.

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Over 50? Should you really be shopping in here?

There are some shops I find it difficult to go into.  Not least because the level of background music makes my ears rattle, nor because the staff are all young enough to be my child, no it's the happy clappy, we love 'yoof' type marketing that puts me off.

The Over 50's Still Enjoy Shopping You Know!

You know the type of place - lurid pinks, greens and yellows, signage that looks like it's written by my 5 year old and the inclusion of those teeny tiny packets of sweets, mints and bonbons. There are acres of things that dissolve in a bath plus enough lip balm to keep an Olympic bob-sledding team kissable.  It seems to be the law that 80% of all merchandise for the under 12's features a badly printed graphic of One Direction (with a big X through Zayn).

But when you stop and think about it, whose money are the kids spending?  That's right.  Ours - unless the 'Saturday job' has returned (little chance of that thanks to zero hours contracts and 'flexible working') and the kids are spending their pocket money or birthday gift cards.

And, ask yourself this question - which age group of women have the highest levels of disposable income?

In a recent piece about the election, the Daily Mail identified "Boomer Woman", that is women born between the years of 1945 to 1965 (I was born in 1964).  Her profile makes interesting reading.  For instance she has "high disposable income, little debt. She is likely to be mortgage-free or equity-rich, having bought property in the 1980s or before. She has the highest value of assets, disposable income and consumer expenditure of any age category."

So, with a few notable exceptions of House of Fraser (and its champion, Mary Portas), Debenhams and John Lewis, I cannot for the life of me understand why the High Street does not better reflect the needs of shoppers like me.

Some of the retailers I grew up with seem simply not to know how to treat women my age, viewing us as happiest with tea, scones and a Lakeland catalogue.  Now that is certainly one aspect (and yes I love a Lakeland catalogue), but it does not mean that I have left my love of clothes somewhere in the past with what's left of my oestrogen and am ready for prints that would give Picasso a headache and enough elastic to launch a small missile into space.

There are signs, though, that the High Street is beginning to wake up.  I am cheered by the appearance of plus size ranges in many stores.  That is one market segment just crying out for love and the recognition that fabulous clothing is not the prerequisite of the skinny fashionista.

But it is time to recognise that 'Boomer Woman" is heartily fed up of being ignored.  Hey retailers - how about some fashion love for us?  Let's have some chic, understated stores, subtle lighting, gentle music and well trained staff.  Let's have a bit of research into how we live our lives and some ranges that don't scream "over fifty" but rather, to adopt the French concept "woman of a certain age who is comfortable in her own skin".

Get to know us.  Heck, some of us have only recently had kids and are a long way off becoming grandparents. Many of us are fitter, sharper and savvier than our younger counterparts.  We love a bargain.  But most of all we love value.

And no, we don't need any bloody lipbalm or baby tins of mints.

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She's 19, I'm 51. Let's talk make-up.

The 51 year old says to the 19 year old ....

- Why DO you use so much?

- Don't you know your skin is probably the best it will ever be so why do you insist on covering every millimetre of it?

- Why do you all use fake tan, even in winter?

- How come you can all do that amazing cat eye, eyeliner thing

- Where on earth do you find the money?

- Are you sure you are going to all this effort for you - and not because your partner thinks you should look a certain way?

- Do you really need powder?

- What's with the eyebrows.  Sometimes they're so heavy they're the main focus of your entire face.

- False eyelashes - how on earth do you get them off?

- How many of you are really going to festivals in those floral headbands?

- Don't you know that changing your nail varnish daily is probably wrecking your nails?

- Do you know how lucky you are to wear red lipstick without it bleeding into your lip lines?

- Do you really need an arsenal of make-up brushes?

- How many mascaras do you really need - don't they all do the same thing?

- You probably don't need toner.  Or facial mist.  

- Do you realise that in many jobs you'll be taken more seriously if you wear a little less makeup?

- Do you know that sleeping in makeup will create extra laundry and give you spots?

The 19 year old says to the 51 year old .....

- I love playing and experimenting with make up, being able to lift and change your face just by applying it in the right way is fascinating. 

- Just because you've got married doesn't mean you have to stop wearing make up and experimenting with it.

- Light and well applied make up can make an older women look ten years younger.

- Make up is fun, experiment with colours, there are so many! 

- In work make up is my war paint. Being so young means it's hard to get people to take you seriously. 

- Well applied make up, a thick skin and a hard attitude go hand in hand in being taken seriously.

- If older women think younger women are pretty without make up/don't need make up or should wear less make up then why do I get so many older women asking what products I'm wearing and what techniques do I use?

- When you have a career and a family I understand you're busy but time out for yourself is important for looking after yourself. Even just taking five minutes to paint your nails can relax you. 

- I wish I had your experience and your attitude so people would take me seriously with or without make up. 

- You don't have to spend a lot of money, or put on a lot of make up to look different.

- We use lotions and potions to get our skin to stay as young for as long as possible. 

- Sleeping in your make up once after a long day in work or a hectic night out won't ruin my skin forever.

- Make up makes me feel confident, I don't wear it for anyone else but me.

- Embrace us young un's as we are, we like our make up now but maybe when we get to where you are now we'll have a completely different view. We'll have to wait and see.

About:

Ffion Davies is a nineteen year old soon to be university undergraduate. She is a blogger, feminist and tea enthusiast who spends most of her free time in her bedroom creating content. Her purpose in life is to encourage, inspire and motivate women and girls all over the world to stand together.  Ffion blogs at www.asouthwalesblog.com.

Linda Hobbis is the 51 year old writer of this blog who remembers a time when she was equally feisty and a flag waver for female independence.  Today she spends most of her time wrestling with a recalcitrant 5 year old with a vegetable phobia and trying to understand the philosophy behind My Little Pony.  Her make-up routine has sadly never progressed much further than Rimmel's gold eyeshadow and Heather Shimmer lipstick.

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I'm Going To BritMums Live 2015!

Yes I'm going for the first time and I can't wait to meet many of the bloggers I've 'met' through Social Media. So, joining in with the "The I’m Going to BritMums Live 2015 Meme",  here are my answers.

Ieuan and I

Name:  Linda Hobbis

Blog:  www.motherdistracted.co.uk

Mine is a parenting / lifestyle blog aimed at midlife mums and women late to motherhood (as I was at 43 and 45).  My husband, Mat, and I live with Caitlin (7) and Ieuan (5) just outside Cardiff in a village called Dinas Powys.

Twitter ID:  @lindahobbis

Height:  5ft 6"

I'm afraid I haven't managed to go metric yet.  I am used to decimalization now though.

Hair:  Brown / blonde.  Actually nobody has seen my real hair colour for years.  It used to be the glorious red my son's is.

Eyes:  Green.

Is this your first blogging conference?

I attended BlogOnCymru earlier this year which was great fun, particularly as it involved wine and cake.  I like a conference with wine and cake.

Are you attending both days?

I am.  There is so much to learn about blogging and so many aspects to it.  It is definitely not, as I once naively thought, "keeping a bit of a diary".

What are you most looking forward to at BritMums Live 2015?

Meeting some of the lovely bloggers I chat to on Social Media and particularly bloggers in my age group. I'm particularly looking forward to talking to the Post40 Bloggers and any midlife mums like myself.

What are you wearing?

I'd like to say something at the cutting edge of fashion with an inspired use of detailing and the kind of high heels they prefer at Cannes.  Obviously this means I will be wearing my leggings and shoes I can walk in. Plus something in black, in case I need to hide.

What do you hope to gain from BritMums Live 2015?

A bit more direction for the coming year's blogging.  There has been a lot of talk lately amongst bloggers about whether blogs have a natural sell by date and how to keep things fresh.  That's something I'd like to learn more about.

Do you have any tips to pass on to others who may not have been before?

I'm a newbie so I will be wandering about looking slightly awkward - well, for the first 5 minutes anyway!

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Silent Sunday / My Sunday Photo - 31/05/2015

At the playground, National Trust Dyffryn Gardens

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More Family Fun At National Trust Dyffryn Gardens

Making full use of our National Trust Family Membership, we returned to one of my favourite places, Dyffryn Gardens, with my sister and her friend Anil in tow.  It was a gorgeous afternoon and the gardens are in full bloom and resplendent with blossom.

My Sister Sarah and I

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Obviously we had Spiderman with us, fully equipped with woolly gloves suitable for a warm end of May day!

A wedding was being held in the Pompeii Garden ( a Civil Ceremony) and the sweet sounds of harp music were drifting across the gardens.  It would have been cheeky to photograph the bride but she was a vision in sweeping, sparkling lace.  We looked on rather enviously at the wedding guests enjoying a glass of bubbly in the beautiful surroundings.

We then took shelter from the sun in the house itself. You can find out more about its history here

The commissioned stained glass window features Queen Elizabeth 1, fascinating to Caitlin Elizabeth and she was given her middle name in honor of the great Queen (and her paternal grandmother).

There are some fabulous marble fireplaces, some of the detail of which I have tried to capture.

Then it was off to the coffee shop for coffee and an enormous slice of Victoria Sponge (light, fluffy and with just the right amount of jam and cream) and an intensive session of supervising the kids in the play area.

Well, sometimes you just have to, don't you?

Further information about National Trust Dyffryn Gardens can be found at www.nationaltrust.org.uk/dyffryn-gardens.

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Review: Carluccio's in Cardiff Bay

Scene of the now vanished Cafe Rouge and the location for much eating of Ieuan's unique combo of chicken goujons and Bon Maman strawberry jam (listen - anything to get them to eat), we ventured to the newest addition to the Carluccio's chain in Cardiff Bay.

The restaurant is light and airy and benefits from a lovely view over the Bay.  Seating has now been laid out both outside and to the side of the restaurant, abutting the equally new Bills Restaurant.

The Hobbis Family

We were seated in a bright corner of the restaurant where we could admire the new bar area and retro artwork on the walls. Behind us was a gorgeous photographic print of a Mediterranean scene with a azure blue sea. Not quite the colour of Cardiff Bay but it was my birthday and I was prepared to pretend it was!

The kids were given a menu / colouring / puzzle sheet and some pencils to keep them quiet and starters were duly ordered.  The children's menu is £6.60 per head (in line with Prezzo and Pizza Express).  It was Grissini and a soft drink (rather oddly a mixed berry smoothie) for the kids and Mat and I had the Savoury Bread Tin (freshly baked Focaccia, Ligurian Crispbread, Grissini and sliced Tuscan Breads with olive oil - £3.95) and Sicillian Giant Green Olives (£3.75).

The breads were delicious including one rather unusual inclusion of a bread with sultanas and Rosemary. I felt this was more suited to breakfast but the kids weren't complaining.

The kids chose spaghetti with meatballs and tomato sauce for their main course.  I chose Asparagus Risotto (£10.95) from the Specials Board and Mat chose Ravioli filled with Ricotta and Spinach from the main menu (£8.95) and the Verde side salad of little Gem lettuce, Rocket and Parmesan shavings (£3.95).

The risotto was hot and tasty with the asparagus being nicely al dente.  The portion size was generous, however, I felt the dish had been over seasoned and was slightly too salty for my taste. This is just a matter of personal preference though.

Both Mat's dishes were fresh, well presented and duly enjoyed.

The kids' meatballs were made of coarse ground beef and made on the premises giving them a home-made feel.  The portion size was very generous.  The children's menu offers kids the choice between a variety of sauces, two pasta shapes (penne and spaghetti) and five sauces (one of which is meatballs).

Desserts were ice cream and a pot of fresh fruit for the kids (as part of their menu). I chose the Crostata Al Limone (Lemon Tart - £4.75) and Mat had the Crostata di Fragola (Strawberry and Mascarpone Tart and Vanilla Ice Cream - £5.50). Caitlin's ice cream was strawberry in a standard cardboard pot, obviously straight from the freezer and Ieuan's fruit pot was entirely strawberries.  A mix of fruit would have been a more exciting dessert.  I think a little creativity is needed with the desserts offered on the children's menu.

My lemon tart, which I suspect had been sitting in one of the glass display containers in the front window was tasty but slightly warmed by the sun, and I would have preferred a more solid consistency and a cooler dessert. Mat had no such issues with his strawberry tart!

Coffees followed and there was a choice of a smooth or a rich roast.  We chose the latter and the coffee had a satisfying bite, so much so that I added some sugar (rare for me).  The bill for four of us came in at around the £70 mark, including one beer and a glass of Montepulciano red wine (a pretty standard, but easy drinking restaurant red offered by quite a few restaurants near us).

Carluccio's seems to have a slightly lower price point than its main rival, Jamie's Italian, and we enjoyed our meal  Our server, Cassidy, was charming, brilliant with the kids and couldn't do enough to make sure we had a great time.

Carluccio's Cardiff Bay is at Mermaid Quay.  Tables can be booked online at www.carluccios.com or by phoning 02920460201 and is open from 8 am to 11 pm Monday to Saturdays and from 9 am to 10:30 pm on Sundays.

This is a completely independent review.

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