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| Sunday lunch at our favourite Pizza Express in Cardiff Bay |
Sunday, 8 March 2015
Friday, 6 March 2015
Having Babies After 40. My Experience.
I distinctly remember standing in my office looking out over the busy Cardiff street and wondering if I would ever have a family. I had just turned 40 and, although my biological clock had long been surpressed, I was beginning to feel that there had to be more to life than marketing legal services! Odd that it took at least 20 years to come to that conclusion, but there you are.
I'm writing this because I want to say, to any woman out there staring out of the window this morning and wishing, that it is possible to start a family after 40. Yes of course we read in the Media about the number of babies being born to older mothers increasing year on year. Yes we see the endless debates about whether it is "right" to have a baby so close to, let's be frank, the menopause. It is, detractors say, selfish to create a life when you are so close to conking out yourself. Your children will be 'mortified' when you turn up at the school gates wearing elasticated trousers and bearing a zimmer frame.
Well, here's a newsflash. Having a baby is a 'selfish' act. We are programmed to reproduce. We are not actually on the planet to rearrange scatter cushions and pet the cat. Survival of the species is all. I am not talking about here about assisted conception, merely the perfectly natural urge of a woman to bear children in her reproductive years - which generally continue into her forties.
My story is briefly this. It took over a year to conceive my daughter and in fact our first attempt resulted in a miscarriage at 6 weeks. The consultant we saw at the hospital was completely matter of fact about it. The baby's heart was not beating and I could either have a D&C or go home and let nature take its course. Devastating as this was, it became clear upon consulting "Dr Google", that miscarriage is incredibly common and not necessarily a bar to going on to conceive and deliver a healthy child.
We tried again. We tried modifying our diets. Little caffeine, reduced alcohol, exercise, taking my temperature (useless - it didn't seem to move at all), tracking ovulation dates, standing on our heads.... you get the picture. After about a year of this I had come to the conclusion that, at 42, it just wasn't going to happen and was referred to the consultant (who would later become my maternity consultant) with a view to fertility treatment. During my examination (which featured what seems to be the obligatory medical student these days), the consultant pointed out that my eggs looked perfectly OK and I was about to ovulate.
Somewhat cheered by this I began to relax and on Valentines Day we went to a local Cardiff restaurant to celebrate where, for the first time in months, too much wine was consumed and Caitlin was later conceived. I am convinced that as soon as I relaxed, my body was more willing to co-operate. I think stress is a huge bar to conception for some women.
I sailed through the pregnancy, although I managed to put on four stone! Although I did not have morning sickness, I had a constant gnawing hunger and indigestion which only cheese would stop. Aside from slightly low iron levels, rectified by a simple supplement, I had no other problems. You would not have known that I was 42.
Something that we did do, however, being aware of the increased risk of Down's Syndrome and other genetic problems for older mothers, was to have a Nuchal Translucency Scan, for which we paid privately. This is an ultrasound scan to measure the collection of fluid under the skin at the back of the baby's neck which is an indicator of Down's if the baby has an increased amount. The results of my scan were encouraging and on par with those of a woman in her thirties apparently.
My waters broke in the early evening on 14th November and we duly took ourselves in to the University Hospital of Wales where Caitlin was born by emergency caesarian the next morning weighing in at 7lb 14oz. I had dutifully studied the Mothercare catalogue and typed up a birth plan but this was of no use whatsoever. The surgery team were fantastic. I felt no pain whatsoever thanks to an epidural and top up anaesthetic when I went into theatre. Two days later we were home.
I tried to breastfeed. Expressing the colostrum (the pre-milk) to get things going was very painful. Once my milk came through Caitlin had difficulty latching on and never seemed to be able to get enough milk. I used to watch whole episodes of Midsomer Murders whilst feeding.
When it became clear that Caitlin was not gaining sufficient weight and feeling incredibly guilty, I consulted my lovely midwife who said that I should not beat myself up about putting Caitlin on formula and that many, many women struggle with breastfeeding. I had managed ten weeks so, although this wasn't ideal, at least I had tried. Whether my breastfeeding problems had anything to do with my age, I'm not sure. I think it's doubtful.
We had decided that, if it were possible, to provide Caitlin with a sibling and started trying relatively soon on the basis that it took so long to conceive our daughter. Ieuan was born when I was 45, just 18 months after Caitlin, this time by elective caesarian, at a bouncing 9 lbs 2 oz. I put him straight onto formula and he downed 4 oz immediately.
Now I know that my way may not be yours. You may not approve of caesarians or bottle feeding. You may not be as lucky as I was in terms of your own fertility. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful man to support me and who wanted to start a family. The truth is each of us may have our own obstacles to overcome but, as the quote says "we will either find a way or make one".
What I want you to take away from this is that starting a family after 40 is possible. It is your life. Decide what is right for you and what compromises you are prepared to make. For example, I worry sometimes about dying before my kids have reached middle age. There is an increased pressure on us as a couple to keep ourselves healthy and young in outlook.
But if I think of my life without Caitlin and Ieuan now, it would be somehow pointless, barren and flat. Of course I wish that I could have met my husband ten or fifteen years ago, but perhaps I wouldn't have been ready then, wouldn't have had the wisdom, patience or, more importantly, the courage I have now.
And that is what I wish for you. Courage. And hope.
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| Caitlin, born November 2007 |
Well, here's a newsflash. Having a baby is a 'selfish' act. We are programmed to reproduce. We are not actually on the planet to rearrange scatter cushions and pet the cat. Survival of the species is all. I am not talking about here about assisted conception, merely the perfectly natural urge of a woman to bear children in her reproductive years - which generally continue into her forties.
My story is briefly this. It took over a year to conceive my daughter and in fact our first attempt resulted in a miscarriage at 6 weeks. The consultant we saw at the hospital was completely matter of fact about it. The baby's heart was not beating and I could either have a D&C or go home and let nature take its course. Devastating as this was, it became clear upon consulting "Dr Google", that miscarriage is incredibly common and not necessarily a bar to going on to conceive and deliver a healthy child.
We tried again. We tried modifying our diets. Little caffeine, reduced alcohol, exercise, taking my temperature (useless - it didn't seem to move at all), tracking ovulation dates, standing on our heads.... you get the picture. After about a year of this I had come to the conclusion that, at 42, it just wasn't going to happen and was referred to the consultant (who would later become my maternity consultant) with a view to fertility treatment. During my examination (which featured what seems to be the obligatory medical student these days), the consultant pointed out that my eggs looked perfectly OK and I was about to ovulate.
Somewhat cheered by this I began to relax and on Valentines Day we went to a local Cardiff restaurant to celebrate where, for the first time in months, too much wine was consumed and Caitlin was later conceived. I am convinced that as soon as I relaxed, my body was more willing to co-operate. I think stress is a huge bar to conception for some women.
I sailed through the pregnancy, although I managed to put on four stone! Although I did not have morning sickness, I had a constant gnawing hunger and indigestion which only cheese would stop. Aside from slightly low iron levels, rectified by a simple supplement, I had no other problems. You would not have known that I was 42.
Something that we did do, however, being aware of the increased risk of Down's Syndrome and other genetic problems for older mothers, was to have a Nuchal Translucency Scan, for which we paid privately. This is an ultrasound scan to measure the collection of fluid under the skin at the back of the baby's neck which is an indicator of Down's if the baby has an increased amount. The results of my scan were encouraging and on par with those of a woman in her thirties apparently.
My waters broke in the early evening on 14th November and we duly took ourselves in to the University Hospital of Wales where Caitlin was born by emergency caesarian the next morning weighing in at 7lb 14oz. I had dutifully studied the Mothercare catalogue and typed up a birth plan but this was of no use whatsoever. The surgery team were fantastic. I felt no pain whatsoever thanks to an epidural and top up anaesthetic when I went into theatre. Two days later we were home.
I tried to breastfeed. Expressing the colostrum (the pre-milk) to get things going was very painful. Once my milk came through Caitlin had difficulty latching on and never seemed to be able to get enough milk. I used to watch whole episodes of Midsomer Murders whilst feeding.
When it became clear that Caitlin was not gaining sufficient weight and feeling incredibly guilty, I consulted my lovely midwife who said that I should not beat myself up about putting Caitlin on formula and that many, many women struggle with breastfeeding. I had managed ten weeks so, although this wasn't ideal, at least I had tried. Whether my breastfeeding problems had anything to do with my age, I'm not sure. I think it's doubtful.
We had decided that, if it were possible, to provide Caitlin with a sibling and started trying relatively soon on the basis that it took so long to conceive our daughter. Ieuan was born when I was 45, just 18 months after Caitlin, this time by elective caesarian, at a bouncing 9 lbs 2 oz. I put him straight onto formula and he downed 4 oz immediately.
Now I know that my way may not be yours. You may not approve of caesarians or bottle feeding. You may not be as lucky as I was in terms of your own fertility. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful man to support me and who wanted to start a family. The truth is each of us may have our own obstacles to overcome but, as the quote says "we will either find a way or make one".
What I want you to take away from this is that starting a family after 40 is possible. It is your life. Decide what is right for you and what compromises you are prepared to make. For example, I worry sometimes about dying before my kids have reached middle age. There is an increased pressure on us as a couple to keep ourselves healthy and young in outlook.
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| Ieuan's First Christmas in 2009 |
And that is what I wish for you. Courage. And hope.
Wednesday, 4 March 2015
Frozen Wonderland - Caitlin's Poem For World Book Day 2015
Frozen trees scattered with frost.
Pretty snowflakes shimmer like the shining ice.
Wonderful snow sparkles like the dancing snowflakes.
The branches hang down loaded with the frosted ice.
On a white mountain full of snow,
live reindeer galloping around the trees.
Beyond the reindeer mountain lies an ice castle.
The snow queen lives in the ice castle.
There she lies in snow, ice and frost
This is a frozen wonderland.
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| My daughter, Caitlin (aged 7) |
Caitlin Hobbis (age 7)
Raise A Glass On Mother's Day
I love a glass of chilled rosé and this one from Gallo Family Vineyards is sweet and light-bodied with the taste of ripe nectarine and juicy pomegranate.
It would complement a variety of dishes like smoked salmon, salad, strawberries and cream or, my favourite, a slice of Victoria sponge.
Or how about a glass of Gallo Family Vineyards Moscato, which is a light to medium-bodied white, with notes of peach, citrus, pineapple and orange blossom?
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| Gallo Family Vineyards Pink Moscato - £6.99 |
Gallo say this wine will complement light Thai food, creamy chicken dishes and vanilla desserts.
For further information go to www.gallofamily.co.uk
If your mum prefers not to drink alcohol or is a mum-to-be, a great alternative is Shloer Celebration, an alcohol-free bubbly.
The Celebration range comes in two delicious flavours; White Bubbly and Pink Fizz. The White Bubbly has a crisp and full bodied flavour from the very best in white grape juices.
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| Gallo Family Vineyards Moscato - £6.99 |
If your mum prefers not to drink alcohol or is a mum-to-be, a great alternative is Shloer Celebration, an alcohol-free bubbly.
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| #SayItWithShloer Celebration at just £2.99 a bottle |
The Pink Fizz combines the vibrant flavours of red and white grape juice.
Both are best served chilled.
Shloer contains no preservatives, artificial colours, sweeteners or flavourings and comes in eleven flavours, including White Grape, Red Grape, Rosé, Apple & White Grape, White Grape Raspberry & Cranberry, White Grape & Elderflower, Berry Punch, Celebration Pink Fizz, Celebration White Bubbly and new Shloer Light Red Grape and Light White Grape.
And this Mother's Day, Shloer are running a competition.
Shloer contains no preservatives, artificial colours, sweeteners or flavourings and comes in eleven flavours, including White Grape, Red Grape, Rosé, Apple & White Grape, White Grape Raspberry & Cranberry, White Grape & Elderflower, Berry Punch, Celebration Pink Fizz, Celebration White Bubbly and new Shloer Light Red Grape and Light White Grape.
And this Mother's Day, Shloer are running a competition.
For the chance to win a bespoke gift bag, complete with a bottle of Celebration, tell them why your mum deserves a sparkling treat using #SayItWithShloer.
Their Twitter ID is @shloerofficial and you can find them on Facebook at www.facebook.com/shloer.
Shloer is available at supermarkets nationwide at £2.99 / 75 cl.
For further information go to www.shloer.com
Shloer is available at supermarkets nationwide at £2.99 / 75 cl.
For further information go to www.shloer.com
Tuesday, 3 March 2015
Great Purse-Friendly Home Gifts For Mother's Day From Terrys Fabrics
Terry's Fabrics, the Home Furnishings Specialists who promise to "transform your house for less" have a great range of purse-friendly home gifts for mum this Mother's Day.
Terrys is not a name I had come across before but their online store is certainly worth a visit.
Further information at www.terrys.co.uk or telephone 01782 566666.
With an interior design centre, a huge stock of products online and stores in Staffordshire and Stockport, there's certainly plenty of choice.
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| Flutter Printed Duvet Set £9.99 - £17.50 |
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| Lily Luxury Quilted Bedspread £26.90 |
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| Distressed Love Sign - £8.20 |
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| Love Table Lamp Cream - £15.99 |
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| Lovehearts Filled Boudoir Cushion - £9.99 |
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| Distressed Home Sign - £8.20 |
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| Emily Throw Eau De Nil - £29.99 |
Terrys is not a name I had come across before but their online store is certainly worth a visit.
Further information at www.terrys.co.uk or telephone 01782 566666.
Monday, 2 March 2015
Review - Self Help Stress Management Book "Stress Control" by Susan Balfour
Stress Control: Stress-Busting Strategies For The 21st Century is the latest self help stress management book from psychotherapist Susan Balfour, who has made a special study of stress syndrome with a particular emphasis on the effect of stress on our health and how to manage our stress in daily living.
Susan has a private therapy practice in south west London where she works with both individuals and companies and lectures extensively on the subject of stress management.
She has been featured on a number of TV programmes about stress and anxiety management, and has worked with leading medical specialists on the management of Repetitive Strain Injury.
There are acres of words written on the subject of stress and its management, as just a cursory glance at the Mind, Body, Spirit section both on Amazon and the few remaining UK bookshops (thank God for Waterstones!) will attest.
These books seem to fall either into those with a medical focus or the more traditional 'self help' tome which offers advice in almost 'soundbite' format or has a spiritual focus, which some people may find hard to relate to.
Susan Balfour's book is a happy blend of both styles, combining important scientific information (such as the impact stress has on our bodies) with a frank discussion of how modern life and particularly how today's society, with its constant drive towards consumerism and acquisition, is affecting us.
I found the tone to be no-nonsense and frank, rather like chatting to an old friend who has your best interests at heart.
Susan believes that we need to learn from the lessons of the past and ancient wisdom rather than constantly seeking new (and temporary solutions).
This is not, however, done in a wishy-washy, navel contemplating way.
She proposes alternative approaches to modern problems, for example our addiction to social media and the urge to be constantly connected to our phones every minute of the day! Bullying at work, working from home, excessive workloads, every modern dilemma is included.
The book contains 11 clearly defined chapters, each with suggested, easy-to-implement exercises. For example, "Technology and stress" (Ch 4), "Take control of your agenda" (Ch 5), "The Positive No" (Ch 6), "Stress at work (Ch 7) and "Food to empower you" (Ch 10).
I particularly liked Susan's focus on tension releasing exercises, since I have been doing Pilates for the last few months to help a lower back problem thanks to two caesarians just 18 months apart!
We can definitely control our stress by the way in which we move our bodies.
The book includes a loosening and stretching routine which is easy to do, as well as an exercise to achieve deep relaxation.
Finally, Susan talks about what we can learn from successful people, focusing on control, challenge and commitment.
I really liked this book which is choc-full of advice.
It is not a book to be skimmed through but rather contemplated and digested slowly. Susan reminds us that it is OK for us to prioritise our own health and happiness - something that many busy mums totally forget!
So are you stressed? With which of these symptoms can you identify?
It is imperative to manage our stress so that we lead happy productive lives and can give our best to those around us - particularly our children!
Stress Control: Stress Busting Strategies For The 21st Century is available on Amazon.co.uk at £10.88 for paperback and £4.99 for the Kindle edition.
I also have one copy of Susan's self help stress management book to give away. Just enter via the Rafflecopter app below.
The giveaway will close at midnight on Monday 9th March and the prize will be sent out by the publisher.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
*Post contains an affiliate link.
Susan has a private therapy practice in south west London where she works with both individuals and companies and lectures extensively on the subject of stress management.
She has been featured on a number of TV programmes about stress and anxiety management, and has worked with leading medical specialists on the management of Repetitive Strain Injury.
There are acres of words written on the subject of stress and its management, as just a cursory glance at the Mind, Body, Spirit section both on Amazon and the few remaining UK bookshops (thank God for Waterstones!) will attest.
These books seem to fall either into those with a medical focus or the more traditional 'self help' tome which offers advice in almost 'soundbite' format or has a spiritual focus, which some people may find hard to relate to.
Susan Balfour's book is a happy blend of both styles, combining important scientific information (such as the impact stress has on our bodies) with a frank discussion of how modern life and particularly how today's society, with its constant drive towards consumerism and acquisition, is affecting us.
I found the tone to be no-nonsense and frank, rather like chatting to an old friend who has your best interests at heart.
Susan believes that we need to learn from the lessons of the past and ancient wisdom rather than constantly seeking new (and temporary solutions).
This is not, however, done in a wishy-washy, navel contemplating way.
She proposes alternative approaches to modern problems, for example our addiction to social media and the urge to be constantly connected to our phones every minute of the day! Bullying at work, working from home, excessive workloads, every modern dilemma is included.
The book contains 11 clearly defined chapters, each with suggested, easy-to-implement exercises. For example, "Technology and stress" (Ch 4), "Take control of your agenda" (Ch 5), "The Positive No" (Ch 6), "Stress at work (Ch 7) and "Food to empower you" (Ch 10).
I particularly liked Susan's focus on tension releasing exercises, since I have been doing Pilates for the last few months to help a lower back problem thanks to two caesarians just 18 months apart!
We can definitely control our stress by the way in which we move our bodies.
The book includes a loosening and stretching routine which is easy to do, as well as an exercise to achieve deep relaxation.
Finally, Susan talks about what we can learn from successful people, focusing on control, challenge and commitment.
I really liked this book which is choc-full of advice.
It is not a book to be skimmed through but rather contemplated and digested slowly. Susan reminds us that it is OK for us to prioritise our own health and happiness - something that many busy mums totally forget!
So are you stressed? With which of these symptoms can you identify?
- drinking more alcohol than usual
- sleeplessness
- feeling more emotional than usual
- non-specific hostility - feeling angry most of the time
- feeling threatened by life's demands and by other people
- increased irritability
- humourlessness
- eating too much, or too little
- increased dependence on caffeine, tobacco or other mood altering substances
- digestive disorders
- frequent minor ailments
- excessive sweating
- impaired memory
- palpitations
- indecisiveness
- feeling indispensable
- inability to relax
- feeling the joy has gone out of life
- always feeling rushed; always in a hurry
- resistance to change
It is imperative to manage our stress so that we lead happy productive lives and can give our best to those around us - particularly our children!
Stress Control: Stress Busting Strategies For The 21st Century is available on Amazon.co.uk at £10.88 for paperback and £4.99 for the Kindle edition.
I also have one copy of Susan's self help stress management book to give away. Just enter via the Rafflecopter app below.
The giveaway will close at midnight on Monday 9th March and the prize will be sent out by the publisher.
a Rafflecopter giveaway
*Post contains an affiliate link.
Sunday, 1 March 2015
Colours of Wales - Caitlin's Poem For St. David's Day 2015
Colours of Wales - A Poem
Caitlin Hobbis, aged 7,
crowned Bard of Dinas Powys Primary School (Infants)
2015
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| Caitlin, proudly holding her dragon trophy |
The daffodils sway in the breeze.
They grow in a beautiful dainty meadow.
The petals shimmer like the shiny sun.
Dragon breath burns out orange and white sparks.
Dragons live on a fluffy, snowy mountain.
The dragons drive through the sky with their red scaly wings
The crowd cheer as Wales play.
Rugby players sing the National Anthem.
On a beautiful mountain like fluffy clouds
live bouncy, fluffy sheep.
Welsh cakes sizzle in the kitchen.
These are the colours of Wales.
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