Win tickets to The Baby Show at ExCel London This March & A Poddlepod

This March get ready to enjoy a fantastic shopping experience at the UK’s leading pregnancy and parenting event of the year. The Baby Show with MadeForMums will be taking place on the new date of Friday 3rd to Sunday 5th March, at the ExCeL London. Find everything you need for bump, baby and you - with amazing offers all in one place, for three days only!

There will be over 200 exhibitors showcasing a huge array of essential baby products from trusted brands as well as the latest innovations. All the major baby retailers will be there, alongside market leading brands such as, iCandy, Stokke, UppaBaby, Philips Avent, Chicco, MAM, Nuby and high end Italian brand Peg Perego who will be launching in the UK at the show! There will also be independent brands that you won’t find on the high street.

There will be a wonderful line up of speakers on The Baby Show Stage with MadeForMums including experts from the world of breastfeeding, sleep and nutrition as well as real parents giving their first-hand stories and advice including authors Giovanna Fletcher and Clemmie Hooper.

You can win a copy of Clemmie's book "How To Grow A Baby *and Push it Out here.

If you are looking for more personal and tailored advice, you can benefit from private 15 minute appointments with The Baby Show Experts at the One To One With The Experts Area – you just need to book your appointment on the day. And once you’ve shopped until you’ve dropped, don’t worry about all the carrying as you can take advantage of the free Emma’s Diary Collect-By-Car service where you can drop off all your purchases and continue until you’ve got a carful!

It really is a must-attend show for mums and dads to be, parents, friends and family members. I’ve teamed up with The Baby Show to give away one pair of tickets worth £20 each and a Poddle Pod bundle which includes an award winning Poddle Pod, a removeable cover and storage bag – worth £49.99!

The Baby Show is taking place on Friday 3rd March – Sunday 5th March inclusive, open from 9.30am to 5.30pm each day. Standard on the door tickets are £20. For more information please visit www.thebabyshow.co.uk.

Entry to the giveaway is via the Rafflecopter widget below and please take a moment to read the extra terms and conditions which apply below.  You can find my terms and conditions on the Competitions page.

UK entrants only and the giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Tuesday 21 February.

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Good luck

Additional Ticket Competition Terms & Conditions

No purchase necessary. Entrants must be aged 18 years or over. Competition is open to UK residents only. Entry into this competition confirms your acceptance of these Terms and Conditions and your agreement to be bound by the decisions of The Baby Show. Entry is strictly limited to one person per ticket code. The winner will be notified by email or phone call once the competition closes. The winners will be selected at random from all the correct entries received before the closing date and time. All prizes must be accepted as offered. There can be no alternative awards, cash or otherwise. Entrants will receive a ticket code which can be activated at http://www.thebabyshow.co.uk/. Tickets cannot be sold on to third parties.

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For Mums Returning To Work - Could This Be The Answer?

When I left Swansea University in 1985, I had a shiny new English Literature degree and very little practical experience of the working world.

At 17 I was a Saturday girl in F. W. Woolworths on the make-up counter and still remember the excitement of Pick 'n' Mix sweets.  You could even buy broken biscuits by the pound. Good times!

You can work anywhere in the world as a PA

But it became clear that, at 21, I had to get some practical skills and fast - before testing my parents' patience to the limit.

So I studied a Diploma for Personal Assistants - typing, shorthand, law, economics, marketing and communication.

This was shortly before the business world switched on its collective PCs and life was never the same again.

I honestly believe that it was the skills I gained as a PA which eventually allowed me to get an entry level marketing job and work my way up.

It's not much different today for graduates and school leavers.  Jobs are in short supply and employers understandably want employees who can 'hit the ground running'.

And it's even tougher for mums returning to the workplace.

When I left my last job, I was Practice Director and Head of Marketing for a large Welsh law firm. Walking back into that role after almost 10 years would be a huge challenge!

Part time jobs are in short supply, particularly those with hours that fit around school times.

But one solution may be to do as I did all those years ago and train as a personal assistant.

Today more and more employers recognise the need to attract and retain well qualified staff and many allow home-working on non-critical days to create a more flexible working schedule.

Lots of office tasks can also be carried out remotely - for example diary management, organising meetings and preparation of documents.

In fact, virtual assistants are also becoming more popular and I know of some fellow bloggers who employ them to handle their social media work.

These are careers that offer great flexibility and would complement other home-working jobs.

So what exactly does a personal assistant (PA) do?

In my days as a PA to the chairman of a construction company, I found this included anything from buying the wife a gift, picking up dry-cleaning and ensuring the right sandwich was ready to eat at midday precisely.

Things have changed a little today (although if you watched "The Devil Wears Prada" you might take a different view).

PAs work closely with senior managerial or directorial staff to provide administrative support, usually on a one-to-one basis.

It's your job to help them make the best use of their time by dealing with secretarial and administrative tasks.

For example:-

* creating and maintaining office systems such as data management and filing
* handling travel arrangements
* presentations preparation (research, document preparation, photocopying, meeting arrangements)
* screening phone calls, enquiries and requests
* meeting and greeting visitors
* organising and maintaining diaries and making appointments
* dealing with incoming email and post
* producing documents, briefing papers, reports and presentations
* organising and attending meetings and ensuring the manager is well prepared for meetings
* liaising with clients, suppliers and other staff.

Starting salaries are between £17,000 and £25,000 but in central London these can range from £22,000 to £30,000 rising to £50,000 in Executive PA positions, depending on the level of experience and the type of business.

You can find some excellent PA courses in London or you could try contacting your local authority for a list of colleges which might offer something similar if you live elsewhere in the UK.

Make no mistake - a PA position can be very influential indeed and I think it's an excellent stepping stone to a higher managerial role in time.

And there's nothing like being a PA for learning the valuable people skills you need to succeed - no matter what the job!

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Tinnitus Sufferers Long To Hear The Sound Of Silence

Readers of this blog will know that I suffer from Tinnitus and I have written previously about the impact it can have on your life.

This week is Tinnitus Awareness Week (6-12th February ) and it's a good time to remind ourselves of how great an effect the constant sounds in our ears can have on our mental health and our daily life in general.

Tinnitus can be incredibly isolating

The British Tinnitus Association describes Tinnitus as “the perception of sound in the absence of any corresponding external sound”.

How innocuous that sounds, doesn't it?

Weirdly, sufferers usually find that their sounds can be quite individual.  Some hear whooshing or whistling, others hear kettles, crickets or even music.

The perceived sounds can range from a low rumble to a high pitched squeal, from very quiet to loud volume levels.

As you might imagine, many people living with the condition find that it impacts their lives to such an extent their mental health is affected, often finding it difficult to accept they will never hear silence again.

At the time of writing, there is no cure for Tinnitus.  Sufferers tend to rely on alternative therapies and lifestyle adjustments to get through their day.

Personally, I have found the Tinnitus Forums on Facebook very helpful but these can occasionally be very dark places and you realise how devastating an impact Tinnitus can have.

This is compounded by the fact that those we live with often cannot fathom why we find it such a struggle.

And stories abound of doctors and ENT specialists being less than sympathetic, if not downright dismissive.

The Husband is used to my carrying musicians earplugs around with me.  If we go, say to a school concert,  I'll whip them out of my handbag and shove them in my ears to avoid a Tinnitus spike.

A spike is where something triggers a rise in the volume and duration of your Tinnitus.  It can be something like an ambulance siren passing by you on the road, a balloon bursting, a door slamming or someone shouting.

You can also trigger a spike if you have a sensitivity to certain foods or additives - possibly for example aspartame or gluten.

The most asked question on the forums is simply this "will I ever know silence again"?

Tinnitus can be incredibly isolating and, because it is so difficult for non-sufferers to understand, it is easy to feel alone.

It may not be cancer or heart disease but it can have as great an impact.

It is nice to see then, that NRS Healthcare, a leading mobility and daily living aid provider based in Leicester, has created a useful infographic to raise awareness of the condition.

Their aim is to help those living with tinnitus to understand that they are not alone in their experiences and suggest how they may be able to relieve the effects of their condition with certain types of daily living aids.

NRS Healthcare has also launched a competition on its Facebook page to win an Amplicall Telephone and Doorbell Indicator for those who are living with tinnitus.

Very useful for those of us suffering from mild hearing loss as well!

As you can see, the infographic features celebrities such as Will.I.Am and Barbara Streisand who suffer from this distressing condition.  Chris Martin from Coldplay is another sufferer, as is Ozzy Osbourne.

If you live with someone who suffers from Tinnitus, now is a great time to sit down with them and really listen as they tell you what it's like and how it affects them.

It's also a great time to take steps to protect your hearing (and especially that of your children) because, whilst we now think Tinnitus is a condition of the brain, there is no doubt that constant exposure to loud noise has an effect.

Let's hope by Tinnitus Awareness Week 2018, greater strides have been taken to bring Tinnitus even further forward into the public's consciousness so that we can all talk about it openly - and work together towards finding a cure.

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New Releases, Free & Bargain Books Link-up Week 7 2017

How are you all this week?  The heating's cranked up to max and we're waiting to see if the snow arrives here in Dinas Powys.

We were cheered up by Wales' rugby win against Italy last Saturday and all that cheering certainly keeps you warm.

It's unusual for Wales to have a win in the first match of the season though so everything is still crossed.

There's just one more full school week before half term so if you want to enjoy some quiet reading time, I'd make the most of it!

As usual, there are some great books on the linky - and don't forget you can always add your own to spread a bit of the book love.

Don't forget that I still have plenty to be won on my competitions page and don't forget my problem page here.

Happy bargain and freebie book hunting on this link.

Have a great week!

Sharing the Love of Books
Enjoy our selection of New Releases / Free & Bargain Books this week

Authors please feel free to add your own books
Readers please free to add your own finds
(any genre except erotica welcome)

This weekly link up is hosted by Beck Valley Books & these awesome book loving blogs...
Monday
 Life as Leels | IrishdaisylovesRomance | Book Babble | All Romance Reader
Tuesday
It's My Side of Life | Celticlady's Reviews | First Time Mommy Adventures 
Wednesday
Beck Valley Books | Cinnamon Hollow Reviews
Thursday
Miki's Hope | Nicki's Nook
Friday
Ebook Addicts | I Love Romance | Colorimetry | The Ultimate Fan Blog | Mother Distracted
Saturday
Totally Addicted to Reading | 3 Partners in Shopping | Angie's Angle | I Create Purty Thangs | Wishful Endings
Sunday
Lynchburg Mama | LibriAmoriMiei | Ali - The Dragon Slayer | Wondermom Wannabe | Deal Sharing Aunt | Rambling Reviews 

For Pre-orders post - PRE-ORDER / genre / title /author

For New Releases post - NEW / genre / title / author

For Free Books post - FREE / genre / title / author / end date 

For Bargain Books post - SALE / price / genre / title / author / end date
(Strictly no Erotica please.  Steamy romance is fine but watch those covers people, incase any underage child is viewing it!)

Click here for this weeks awesome selection!

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My Problem Page Edition 6 2017

This week I'm talking about what to do when you don't find your wife attractive any more, how to cope with a 6 year old little boy who seems depressed and dealing with a friend who feels up your partner.

If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here are this week's questions.

Q: Why does my girlfriend expect me to be her personal counsellor?

A: Because she’s your girlfriend and that’s what people in relationships generally do for one another.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking, however, that just because she tells you her problems she wants you to solve them. 

We women like a sounding board but we’re quite capable of solving our own problems most of the time. 

If you are dealing with the same issues over and over then could you seek other help - professional, doctor, family, friend? 

Is it a problem outside of her control? 

If it’s just day to day niggles then I think you need to ask yourself why it’s irritating you so much and either find a way to reduce her offloading to you or consider changing your girlfriend. 

She really does deserve someone prepared to listen to her.

Q: What should you do when your wife turns off your sexual desire? 

A: Do you mean that your wife no longer turns you on or that she is no longer interested in sex? 

The two are quite different things. 

If you are no longer finding her attractive then you need to ask yourself why. 

Has she put on a lot of weight? Is she always too tired? Have you recently become parents? Has she lost her sex drive through hormonal changes such as the menopause? Does she suffer from depression? Are there unresolved issues between you? Is she angry with you for some reason? 

It’s not just about you, you know, and you owe it to her to have a frank conversation about how you are feeling and what is going on with her. 

You also need to ask yourself is there anything you are doing that is contributing to the problem. 

Women are not there to provide sex on tap but deserve to be nurtured and respected just as men do. 

You found her attractive enough to marry - this may well be just a pit in the road that you can get around.

Q: Is it wrong when a girl who is a "friend with benefits" gets in a relationship with another guy and doesn't tell you for 2 months? 

We became friends with benefits when we were both single. Then she went into relationship with another guy and lied to me for two months. During that time she claimed all the time she was honest.

A: Well what do you expect? 

Friends with benefits is exactly that - sex with no strings attached. It sounds like she means a lot more to you than you realised, or are willing to let on. 

The fact that she didn’t tell you for 2 months hints that she knows how you really feel. 

You either have to tell her you want a relationship with her or, I’m afraid, put up with it if you want her in your life. 

By the sound of it you need to be honest with her or you’ll regret losing her.

Q: How do I deal with my 6 year old son who seems depressed?

A: I think you need to be very careful about labelling his behaviour as “depressed”. 

Do you mean he is withdrawn, tearful, moody? Does he play with other children? Is he isolating himself in his room? 

All of these things can equally be signs of tiredness (what time does he go to bed?), poor nutrition (does he live on soda and chicken nuggets) or possibly bullying at school. 

I think you need to look at what is going on with you as a family and then assess whether there is something external (i.e. at school) or medical going on. 

If you’re pretty sure it’s medical (and there’s nothing like a parent’s instinct for that), then you need to take him to a doctor for a check-up. 

Could you make time to sit with him each day, either after school or before bed to chat to him about his day just to see what comes up? 

If he’s not a communicative child, why don’t you ask him to do some crafting or draw a picture of his day - the things kids draw often show us exactly what they’re thinking. 

Try not to worry to much but do take action. 

Hopefully it may be something simple like a virus which is laying him low for a bit but you are quite right that the situation needs to be addressed quickly - for your own peace of mind, as well as your son’s.

Q: What should I do if my friend felt up my girlfriend? 

At a party I guess they talked or something, they held hands, he felt her chest, they were drunk but talked about wishing they were closer, etc. I really liked her before, now I’m conflicted. What do I do? My friend lives hundreds of miles away normally, so he’s not stealing her.

A: It really depends on the circumstances. 

How do you know your friend felt up your girlfriend? Did you see it or did she tell you? Was she distressed by the incident? 

If so, then I’m afraid you have to talk to your friend to tell them that their behaviour was unacceptable. 

If, though this was a clumsy drunken fumble in a nightclub then I’d be asking myself if my ‘girlfriend’ was all that loyal and although I might forgive, I’d certainly be keeping a closer eye on her and my friends. 

It really depends on whether you think she was a willing participant or was taken advantage of. 

And you need to be really clear which one it was before you take any action that might ruin your relationship with either your girlfriend or your friend.

How would you have responded to these questions? I'd love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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How To Grow A Baby *and Push it Out by Clemmie Hooper Midwife

A while ago I shared my 5 pregnancy and new mum bibles and number one on the list was "What To Expect When You're Expecting" by Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Mazel.

Brilliant, concise, helpful but ever so slightly scary and with a greater focus on what could go wrong than right I found.

But a new pregnancy companion has just been published which is a breath of fresh air to those more serious, finger-wagging tomes out there.

How To Grow A Baby *and Push It Out is a unique week-by week pregnancy companion written for a whole new generation of modern maverick mums.

The author is the refreshing new young voice of parenting, NHS midwife (and Mother of four girls including twins) Clemmie Hooper.

As Clemmie says ‘Each pregnancy and birth is unique. There are no rules and there isn’t always a right or wrong way to do things. I want to empower women so that they feel they have a choice. Being an advocate of this, as a midwife and a mother is fundamental to me’.

She has over a decade of NHS experience behind her, the author has also earned the title of one of the top Instagram parenting experts (and high ranking digital influencers) @ mother_of_daughters and founder of the super-successful blog Gas and Air.

Chapter by chapter Clemmie’s writing style is fresh, funny and honest, underpinned with non-judgemental sensible tips and advice. Everything you will ever need to know about being pregnant is covered, right through to ‘You Got This Mama’ - a chapter devoted to supporting women as new mums after delivery.

What really makes How to Grow A Baby unique is that it encourages the reader not to accept everything they are told, but also to be curious, and challenge and question the information they are given, right from their first hospital ante natal appointment until after their child is born.

Midwife & Author Clemmie Hooper

The book covers each trimester of pregnancy through to delivery and beyond.  There are recipes for the various trimesters, tips on styling your new shape, a discussion on sex in pregnancy, how to write a birth plan, illustrations of positions for labour, what to pack in your hospital bag, top tips for birth checklists and even advice on booking a babymoon.

There's also advice on what to expect when having a C-section or being induced and the knotty issues of whether you should wax and if pooing is normal when giving birth (it is)!

The book is full colour throughout with photos and illustrations which add a quirky feel. There are lots of stories from other mums as well which are very reassuring and remind you that there's nothing you are about to go through that hasn't been experienced a million times by other women.

I really liked the book and would happily add it to my Pregnancy Bibles list.

Published by Vermilion Books (an imprint of Penguin Random House UK), How To Grow A Baby has a RRP of  £14.99 and is currently available from Amazon.

You can find out more about Clemmie on her blog www.gasandairblog.com.

GIVEAWAY

I also have one copy to give away.  Just enter via the Rafflecopter below.  Terms and conditions apply (please see my competitions page) and UK entrants only.

The giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Friday 24th February.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!

*Post contains an affiliate link

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On Being 52

Firstly, that number.  It bears no relevance to me at all - at least in my mind it doesn't.  It is an age other people are at.

And yet.  And yet.

I look in the mirror and the tell-tale signs are there.  A little more jowly, the hair adopting a frizzier attitude.

I hide the grey.

My hearing is caput and my eyesight strangely improving.  I joke with my optician that by the time I reach my death bed, my vision will be 20/20.

But.

This is all top secret because nobody these days is allowed to age too loudly.

Oh, you can be a fashion guru like nonagenarian Iris Apfel and take the streets of New York in mismatched geometric prints.

You can out-sass all the Millennials with their grim determination and glossy hair by wearing an improbable hat in a fast food restaurant.

The elephant in the room, though, is large, greyer than you are and trumpeting very quietly.

We have to keep our brain alert.  We have to eat oily fish.  We have to fight dementia.

We have to deny our bodies and, in equal measure, pretend the poor treatment and all-out grief we've given them over the years didn't happen.

My dentist gently said to me, as I moaned about my twanging gums, that "you have the teeth of a woman of your age'.

The truth is that staving of ageing is exhausting.  Weight-bearing exercise, power-walking, greeting the dawn like Maria Von Trapp on acid.

Frankly, I am the human incarnation of grumpy cat before 10 am.

And then there's the menopause.  Or at least I think there is.

You never really know do you?

It lurks around like a suspect in a poorly produced amateur crime drama, threatening to reveal itself and then fluffing its lines.

I recently had a blood test and when doctor's receptionist phoned through the result she said  "You're menopausal" and then "welcome to the club".

What did Woody Allen say?  Oh yes.  "I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to be a member".

Quite.

The thing is, we're all living longer and longer.  So, 52 isn't that old any more.

And we're expected to be bloody grateful because we're alive - and so, I admit, we should be.

Life is what happens when you're making other plans as the saying goes.

I feel I am at a half way mark and need to plan the second half of my life.

I had my kids at 43 and 45 so they will form a large part of that.  I'm hoping I'm around long enough to be a grandmother.

So while most of the time I take strength from the bevy of older celebrities whose names are part of the warp and weft of the longevity tapestry (Mirren Dench, Moore, Thurman, Brinkley...), being 52 does mean you have moments of thinking -

Bloody hell I'm getting on a bit.

We all need an occasional moment to admit that.

We all need some time to embrace the fear.

You know, I think you can trace quite a bit of anxiety and depression to our denial of this fear of the end.

Our ancestors just 'got on with it' though, didn't they?  Our lonely worrying sessions pale into insignificance by simply watching the nightly news.

The problems of the many far outweigh our individual existence on this ball of dust hurtling through space.

This is probably why so many of the self-help gurus promote the concept of 'contribution', of giving something back.

It's another way of trying to find meaning.

I wish I could be more religious.  Those who have faith truly have a gift.

But something created the world, didn't it?  Something was there first and, I like to think, something intelligent.

I guess we'll all do what we usually do.  Sigh, drink more coffee, open another packet of biscuits and reflect that whilst perhaps life hasn't always dealt us the best hand, with a little hope, medicine and belief, the forthcoming years might be full of adventures.

The answer to our midlife malaise may simply be to embrace the power of gratitude.

Because after 52 years, I certainly have a lot to be grateful for.

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20 Tips To Help You Keep Your Cool With Your Boss

There comes a time in our working lives when we feel as if we have been pushed too far.  

Whether it's just one badly conceived project too many with a deadline only God could meet, or a task delegated by someone whose management style close mirrors that of Animal from the Muppets, the urge to lose it rears its ugly head. 

Is your boss driving you to distraction?

Let me share some of the things I learned during my 20+ years working in a corporate enviroment, culminating in my role as Practice Director and Head of Marketing for a large law firm.

You might have heard of "The Peter Principle" which says, simply, that "managers rise to the level of their incompetence" and lord knows, I've seen this borne out a fair few times.  

But when you're pushed to the edge,  in today's economically uncertain times and with hoards of younger, possibly better qualified, and more ambitious workers nipping at your heels, you need to think smart and act smarter.

Here's my 20 point primer.  Go get a cup of coffee.  Take 5 minutes.  Breathe and read.

1.  Calm down

You can't afford to make any rash decisions or take any actions which will result in a summons by HR for performance related issues.  

That way unemployment lies. 

You have bills to pay and a career you've probably trained hard for and spent years working towards. 

2.  Don't cry

I know some people actually cry when they're angry, rather than just upset, but particularly in a corporate environment, you'll look like you can't handle it.  

If you must let it all out, hide in the toilets till you feel you can face everyone again.

3. Consider what is actually being asked of you

If you have a rocky relationship with your boss, it's easy to assume instructions come with a hidden agenda.  

This isn't always the case.  

Sometimes your boss gets dumped on too.  

What are you actually being asked to do?  

Is it a reasonable request?

4. Don't take on a task you don't understand

If you don't know what you're being asked to do, ask for clarification up front. 

If it's a task you are supposed to understand, you need to ask yourself why you're struggling with it. 

Can a colleague help you out?  

5. Clarify the deadline

When does the task need to be completed.  

Is it reasonable?  

Asking for a report by the end of the day may be perfectly reasonable if it's comprised of data you were supposed to be keeping tabs on.  

6. Is it your fault?

Have you let things slide, for one reason or another?  

If things have been getting on top of you, rather than going off like a fire cracker, it's time for some honest self-reflection.  

If your heart isn't in your job, you may be better off thinking about making a move.  

See my post on hating your job.

7.  Do you need training?

Now is probably not the best time to ask for it, but if you feel you need training (for example in spreadsheets or Powerpoint), make a mental note to discuss this with your boss.  

A note of caution though, I'd advise against asking for training for aspects of your job you were expected to know when you were employed, unless you can get away with asking for a 'refresher course'.  

8.  Can you delegate it?

Remember that when you delegate, you are delegating the responsibility but not the authority aka the buck still stops with you.  

I'm sure you know in your heart which elements of a project are yours and yours alone, and which can be delegated.  

9.  Did you delegate it and it's gone horribly wrong?

Following on from 8. if you did not delegate well, for example you didn't give clear instructions and deadlines, then you may have a problem (plus this is a bit of a case of the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think?).  

Did you delegate to the appropriate level of expertise?  

Getting junior staff to do the bits you don't like is just asking for trouble.  

If they get it wrong, you're still in trouble and they're unhappy.  If they do a sterling job, you can bet your boss will know it wasn't you who did it.  

10.  Document it, document it, document it!

For heavens' sake, make notes, save emails, back up files on your PC, take screenshots. 

11. Remember to C.Y.A. (Cover Your A**)

If you delegate something verbally, follow it up with a confirmation email. 

Queries to your boss can also be recorded the same way.  

Just make sure that the emails are appropriate to the project concerned and written as professionally as possible.

12.  Communicate without emotion, in professional language

There's a world of difference between "so you want me to prepare a report on XYZ about DrearyCorp for you to discuss at the board meeting on Thursday" and "so even though I'm completely snowed under, you want me to drop everything, stay late and scrabble together some data". 

Repeat after me. "Attitude is a Luxury".

13.  Manage your time

Break the project down into manageable chunks.  

Estimate how long each piece will take.  

Assess which tasks can be delegated.  

Call a brief team meeting if you need to so that everyone is clear about what is required.  

Check in with team members so you know whether you are on course to meet your deadline. 

Having a quick look at Facebook and three cups of coffee while you "get your head round it" will not help, trust me.

14.  Offer solutions

I'm sure you've heard the hoary old management chestnut "I don't want you to bring me problems, I want you to bring me solutions".  

Well, sorry but it's true. 

Rather than just carry out the project like an automaton, get involved.  

How would you deal with the issue?  

What would your approach be? 

The solutions you offer may make your boss look good, make you look good and make you a more attractive candidate for promotion.

15. Use positive body language

Parents will be familiar with the phrase "take that face off" or "don't look at me like that when I'm talking to you".  

Yes, I'm afraid even as adults we are prone to what body language experts refer to as "leakage". 

Looking like a bulldog chewing a wasp when someone is trying to delegate to you is not a good thing! 

Also be aware that crossing your arms looks defensive and worse, stretching back and supporting your head with your arms is tantamount to saying "I am listening, but basically I think you're an idiot".

16. Build bridges

If you have a rocky relationship with your boss, this could be an opportunity to build bridges and get to know them a bit.  

Could you try to suspend your frustration for a short while and see things from their point of view?

17. Socialise

If the boss invites you out for a drink after work, are you the one that always has to rush home? (I'm not including parents in this obviously).  

I was a bit like that when I was younger, prioritising the needs of my obese and usually completely inert cat over the social discomfort of making small talk with management. 

Looking back,  

I probably missed the chance to get to know my bosses which would only have improved our working relationship.

18.  Everybody's Human

And everybody wants to be liked.  

Sometimes, your boss will have problems you know nothing about.  It doesn't hurt to cut them a little slack sometimes.

BUT 

19.  Ask, are you being bullied?

If you feel that you are being unfairly dumped on, or set up to fail, or that your treatment is a form of bullying, then you must take action.  

Keep a diary to record the events of bullying. 

Keep pertinent emails.  

Make sure you ask yourself, however, if you are contributing to the behaviour.  Sometimes, for whatever reason, personalities do clash but are you being unnecessarily unhelpful or combative?

20.  Take it to HR

Human Resources has a difficult role to play, keeping both management and staff happy.  

That said, if you feel your treatment is unjust, you must talk to HR. 

You will probably find that if you are having problems with a particular boss, others will be too.

Keeping silent helps nobody. 

Your complaint may actually help HR to deal with an unpleasant boss, particularly if you can provide solid evidence.

So, keep calm and carry on, as they say, but with a strategy.  

A bit of honest and open reflection may save hours of future misery, for you and your colleagues.

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Advice for a Busy Mum - Make Some Time to Focus on You

Being a mum means that you’re often putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. While that’s the deal most of us sign up for when we decide to start a family, there are times when it feels that you’ve gone a little too far down the selfless route and you realise that you actually do very few things just for you.

While no self-respecting mum is going to abandon her family to look after itself, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with taking some “me time” every now and then. Here are some suggestions on how you can do just that.

Discover More About Yourself

Running a home, going out to work and raising a family doesn’t leave much time for musing on the bigger picture; your life vision. Sometimes, it’s good to remind yourself of what goals you have. To get you focused in on those, try having an online tarot reading. Even if think you already know what you want in life, a tarot reading can be an interesting and enlightening experience. The insights that the reader provides you with might lead you to re-evaluate which of your various life plans mean the most to you.

Credit:  Pixabay

You can ask a tarot reader anything during the reading. If you have a particular issue you want to address, such as a potential house move or change in your career, start there. Otherwise, you can just see where the reading takes you.

Start an Evening Class

Making a regular commitment to an evening class may feel hard to fit into a busy schedule but will give you a much-needed break from your usual routine. Lots of community colleges and schools open their doors in the evening and the classes available cover a huge range of subjects.

Image credit: Potter's Hands by Walt Stoneburner

Whether it’s learning a language, or refreshing one you’ve forgotten, doing something creative such as pottery or crochet classes, or art appreciation classes, it doesn’t matter. The point is that you get to be absorbed in something completely different for an hour or two a week. It can also be a great way of widening your social circle.

Set Yourself a Fitness Goal

Many of us would like to be fitter, but in order to stay motivated, it’s a good idea to set a target to reach. For instance, if you usually do about 20 lengths when you have a swim, work on building that up to 40 lengths. Commit to going a certain number of times per week and give yourself a realistic timeframe to achieve the increase in distance.

Or, if you decide to take up running, have a running goal to aim for. For example, you could train to take part in a 5-mile fundraiser run. Running is great as you can do it anywhere, without the need to stick to exercise class times or pool schedules. However, joining a running club or teaming up with a friend will help keep you motivated on those days that you don’t have the willpower to go on your own.

Whatever you choose to do to make time for yourself, it’s going to be beneficial. It does us all good to have a break from the norm. It also means that when you come back to your other roles in life - mum, wife, friend, colleague - you’ll be refreshed and reinvigorated for whatever challenges your day holds.  

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When Should You Keep Your Child Off School?

Every parent dreads those 4 little words - "I don't feel well" or the telephone call from the school requesting that your little one be picked up due to illness. We know that we are not supposed to take them back, at least in the case of sickness, for 48 hours.

We also know that many parents don't stick to that rule, much to the annoyance of teaching staff and those parents who fear their kids may now go down with the latest bug.

It's easy to be judgmental but, if parents work, it may come down to a straight choice between the health of their child and keeping their job.

Part time jobs, in particular, are difficult to come by and I know from my experience in the Legal Sector that part time positions are often created simply to be seen as adhering to "good" HR practice and in order to create roles for female employees returning from maternity leave!

The job may be part time, but the workload certainly isn't.  5 days work is cantilevered into 3 and woe betide you if you have to leave early to pick up a poorly child. You'll be equally unpopular with your bosses and the employees who have to pick up the slack in your absence.  

If there is a tender document to submit or a presentation to give, you'd have to be very brave indeed to miss it. Come appraisal and pay-review time, the discussion will be about whether you are a 'team player'.  Law firms are very fond of 'team players', despite having a hierarchy which is anything but flat.

This is without taking into account the cost and scarcity of good childcare.  Our local childminders all seem to be oversubscribed and are followed into the playground by ever increasing numbers of children.

Breakfast clubs and after school clubs are thriving.  In fact, so popular are they in Caitlin and Ieuan's school that the playground is often comparatively deserted in the mornings, with the children outside looking enviously at the children safe and warm within.

So when should you keep your child off school?

Be aware that the Government is quite clear that children should only miss school if they are too ill to attend or they have advance permission from the school - otherwise a fine may be payable.

If your kids are showing clear symptoms then it's a no-brainer but what do you do if they are a bit 'under the weather'?

These are the illnesses the NHS say merit keeping your child at home depending on their severity:-

Cough and Cold * Raised Temperature * Rash
Headache * Vomiting & Diarrhoea * Sore throat * Chickenpox

But what do you do when they have had a rotten night's sleep?  Ieuan, for example went through a phase where he suffered from growing pains and often woke up in the early hours clutching his legs. But he was not ill.

Poorly Ieuan

As adults when we get colds we know we just have to carry on and dose ourselves up with Lemsip. We don't have the luxury of a duvet day.  Despite the fact that we are likely to infect our colleagues and our performance will be under par, many of us trudge unwillingly into work to hack and cough through the day.

If we let our children stay home for every cough and sniffle, what will happen when they really have to turn up and perform?

But when your kids awake bleary eyed, tired and weepy, complaining of head, ear or tummy aches, it takes a very hard mother not to want to scoop them up and put them back in bed.

Some of my fondest memories when ill are of being tucked up in bed by my mum, being fed tea and hot buttered toast, and listening to the radio.  There is nothing like a bit of parental attention and love to aid a speedy recovery.

As a stay at home mum,  that is a luxury I can offer my kids.  But I think it's a shame that, as a society, we have got ourselves into a position where poorly kids have to be sent to school so that parents can keep a roof over their head.

I guess all we can do is make sure we practise good nutrition and take care of the family's health in order to stave off as many of these horrid bugs as possible.

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You Can't Afford Fear - GO HAVE YOUR SMEAR

It's fair to say that the husband is fully familiar with many of the University Hospital of Wales gynaecological corridors. (That's not a euphemism by the way). A while ago he was there to hold my hand (or at least read a book on complex computer coding in the same room) whilst I had a colposcopy.

An abnormal smear result meant I had to attend for an examination of my cervix. Now, lest you think this is all too much information - and I have to say I feel slightly squeamish even writing about it, I want to make a very important point - of which more later.

Leaving aside the fear engendered by a typically uninformative NHS letter (dear blah, you may, or may not have something wrong with you and in order to avoid any medical negligence claim whatsoever, we're not about to indicate what your results really were, leaving you to worry just a tinsy winsy bit), the thought that the old bod might be even more defective than even my legendary pessimism accounted for, threw me into a tailspin of gloom.

And of course, I did the worse possible thing - I googled it.

Attending the hospital appointment with designs for a huge Victorian marble mausoleum swirling in my head (if you're going to go, go in style I say) and having extracted a promise from my sister that she would ensure my tomb would be kept pristine white (although she did mutter about being "out of vim"), I sat like a naughty child in front of the headmistress, awaiting my fate.

What I had not been told (and frankly I thought I should have) was that since my abnormal cells were glandular, I would automatically have to have a Lletz treatment where a patch of abnormal cells are removed using an electrified hook and then sent off to a lab for a biopsy. The two nurses couldn't have been nicer although the procedure is not entirely without discomfort, despite the administration of local anaesthetic (the same dentists use apparently).

What was relevant though for women everywhere is that because I had not missed a single smear, my results were there for the colposcopist to see and she could tell that any changes were recent.

If you have an abnormal smear result, it does NOT mean that you have cancer, merely that there are changes to your cervical cells which may become cancerous over time.

If you do not attend for your smear (and I was told that some women have as much as a ten year gap between smears), you could effectively be playing Russian Roulette with your health. Because, the quicker an abnormal result is identified, the quicker any potential dealings with the 'Big C' can be dealt with.

Source: www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk 

I know that having a smear is not always a pleasant experience but compared to later medical intervention, it's really not so much of an effort, is it?

We are lucky in the UK to have a system which identifies and deals with changes before they become real problems and I have never understood why women baulk at taking advantage of this.

I had to wait a few weeks for the results of my biopsy but the staff told me that the prognosis was good.

I will be honest and say that I did not enjoy the waiting period and found it hard not to give in to rather black thoughts but I was comforted by the fact that the likelihood of there being anything really horrible present was very low.

On the other hand, if I had NOT gone for a smear and these changes had not been picked up, this could have been a far more gloomy post altogether.

PLEASE GO FOR YOUR SMEAR!

Update: It turned out I had a benign cyst on my cervix which was affecting the result of my smear. This was removed via a day surgery procedure under general anaesthetic and I am now fine. 

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Win Electronic Sshh! Don't Wake Dad! Game From Drumond Park

There's nothing like a board game to get the family together on a dreary Sunday afternoon and this one has the added hilarity of snoring sound effects and a sleepy dad who springs to life for the unlucky player.

Drumond Park’s "Sshh! Don't Wake Dad!" is an electronic game for 2-4 players (age 5+) which challenges the players to tiptoe by a snoring dad to snaffle the chocolate cake.  The game requires 2 x AA batteries which are not supplied.

Each player chooses a pair of slippers to creep by with and are given a selection of cards with household items on.

They move around the board by spinning the spinner and moving to the square of the colour it stops at.

You can also leap ahead of other players or take their cards.

If the player has the card shown on their landing spot they are safe.

If they don't have the card they have to hit the alarm button on dad's bed the number of times it says on the square and risk waking him up.

If he wakes you have to start your journey again and if any of the players are on the squares on the bed, they get knocked off and have to start again too.

I played this one with Ieuan (7) who enjoyed it enormously.  It's simple enough to understand easily and has enough of a risk element to add extra fun.

The game is also relatively short (around 10-15 minutes) which is quite long enough for youngsters.

"Sshh! Don't Wake Dad!" retails at around £22.99 from stockists such as Amazon.

For more information and stockists, visit www.drumondpark.com

You can also find out more on Facebook or Twitter.

The Giveaway

I have one copy of Electronic Sshh! Don't Wake Dad! from Drumond Park to give away to one lucky winner.

Entry is via the Rafflecopter widget below and terms and conditions apply (on my competitions page).  UK entrants only and the giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Tuesday 28th February.

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Good luck!

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Win 4 "Her Ladyship" Etiquette Guides By Caroline Taggart

Now obviously being the lady I am (cough), and having what is possibly an unhealthy interest in all things 'posh and polite', I was delighted to receive these lovely guides by Caroline Taggart.

Born in London of Scottish parents, Caroline spent most of her childhood in New Zealand but, nevertheless, thinks of herself as a Londoner.

We actually share something in common apart from our love of etiquette because as an English woman living in Wales since 1969  I have the same dilemma when it comes to which rugby team to support, as does Caroline when it comes to choosing between England and New Zealand.

These four guides are entitled:-

Her Ladyship's Guide to The Art of Conversation

Her Ladyship's Guide to Running One's Home 

Her Ladyship's Guide to The Queen's English (for all us grammar nazis out there)

Her Ladyship's Guide to The British Season

All are written in Caroline's inimitable style and peppered with funny anecdotes and helpful examples.

For example, from "The Art of Conversation"

Am I boring you?  If you have to ask the answer is probably "yes".

and

"A friend of Her Ladyship remembers fondly a snippet she heard in her student days: two Oxford dons were crossing a college quadrangle and one was heard to say firmly to the other "And nineteenthly..". Her Ladyship confesses to considerable admiration for anyone who can follow a train of thought so clearly that they can keep tabs on nineteen points of it."

The Queen's English is a helpful guide to spelling, grammar and pronunciation.  Her Ladyship also lists those cliches and words whose incorrect usage sets her teeth on edge such as:-

at the end of the day

touch base

slip through the net

up to speed

window of opportunity

Whilst being funny, this guide also has the effect of making you think before you open your mouth!

Running One's Home is a title which amuses the Husband no end as he is convinced I am a stranger to a duster and think Mr Sheen was once a famous motorcyclist.  

Obviously this is not true and I have many house spiders who will back me up on that but this guide is a useful collection of tips that even those of us who haven't quite made it to a mansion can use.

There's a housekeeping schedule, advice on spring-cleaning, coping with laundry (it never ends!) and being a good hostess.

Her Ladyship also advises that your cheese course should be served before pudding if you are adhering to "the French way" but you need to make sure you don't overdo the Brie just in case an enormous Eton Mess should appear.  Quite a nice problem to have in my view.

Lastly, there's "The British Season".  Here in Wales we have two seasons - the Rugby Season and the Rainy Season, however, this guide lists the Great British events which get the aristocracy out to sluice down Prosecco whilst wearing tailored jackets.

For example The Chelsea Flower Show, Glyndebourne, Royal Ascot, Wimbledon, Cowes Week and so forth.

It also tells you how to behave giving you, for example, the rules for dressing should you be lucky enough to gain access to the Royal Enclosure at Ascot.

I can but dream.

Her Ladyship's Guides are published by Batsford Books (an imprint of Pavilion Books) at £8.99 each. They are stout little hardback books with a nice, almost cloth covering and would make a great present for Mother's Day too.

If you would like to win the set of the four books mentioned above, simply enter via the Rafflecopter widget in the usual way.  Terms and conditions apply.  UK entrants only and the giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Tuesday 28 February.



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Good luck!

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My Problem Page Edition 5 2017

This week I'm talking about whether you've been relegated to the friendzone when your boyfriend starts swearing around you and why you don't always get that phone number, no matter how gorgeous you are.

If you would like any advice, feel free to treat me as your agony aunt. Just message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here are this week's questions.

Q: Is almost 5 days too long for a guy to text and ask a girl out after 2 nice long dates? Does that mean he doesn't want anything serious?

A: Well, there are two possibilities here. 

Firstly, he isn’t all that keen. 

Secondly, he’s playing hard to get or he’s busy with other things at the moment. 

Is there anything stopping you from texting him? It is 2017 you know. 

His response will tell you all you need to know. 

If you want to keep waiting then busy yourself with other things. 

Your time is too valuable, surely, to spend hanging around waiting for the phone to buzz.

Q: Why wouldn't a girl give her number when I asked? 

I met this girl and we talked for about 45 minutes. We had a great conversation and laughed a lot. I'm good looking. (I'm not bragging. I'm told this a lot and frequently get whistled at in public). I have also been given loads of phone number previously, but I can't figure out why she wouldn't give me her number.

A: There’s more to being attractive than just being good looking. 

For whatever reason, despite the fact you had a great conversation, she wasn’t interested. 

Did you find out if she already had a partner? Or kids? 

Do you think you might have come across too pushy or over-confident? That can be a real turn off for some people. 

If you already have a lot of phone numbers, do you think she might have suspected you’re a player? 

That’s not particularly attractive either. 

It doesn’t sound like your struggling for female attention though. I think this is just ‘one of those things’.

Q: I have been there for my boyfriend for 4 years and helped through everything. Now everything is good for him he is leaving me? I don't understand. Why?

A: I am really sorry to hear this and I can understand you feel this is really unfair. 

The hard truth is that people can fall out of love, no matter how nice and kind their partner is. I don’t think anything you did, or didn’t do, would have made a difference. 

Some relationships just fizzle out. 

When you say ‘everything is good for him’, do you mean he has a job, money, happier family relationships, someone else? 

You also don’t say how old you are. Sometimes one partner grows and matures faster than the other and, to use the cliche, wants different things. 

This is particularly common I believe with younger relationships, out of school and college for example. 

If you have been supporting him financially or in any other way to the detriment of your own health and happiness, now is the time to say “you have chosen to continue without me so off you go”.

It’s time to look after yourself now and to look for someone with whom you will grow into the future and who will appreciate all you do for them. 

Don’t be a doormat any longer.

Q: Is it good for a boyfriend to console his girlfriend all the time? 

I’ve just had a girlfriend for over one month now. She is a moody girl. Sometimes, she gets angry with me for no reason. I am always the one who try to make things right. Sometimes, I feel tired. Moreover, I wonder if that will spoil her as she know that I will always try to console her.

A: Since you’ve only been together for a month, it’s not a good sign that she’s moody and angry with you. 

She’s behaving like a child and you worry that you will ‘spoil her’ which will only serve to reinforce her childish behaviour. 

If it is something you are doing that is upsetting her - and you know that your behaviour is bad - for example being late, disrespectful, flirting with other girls, then I can see she might be moody but otherwise it sounds like she has problems. 

Does she suffer from depression or any kind of personality disorder? If so, then tread carefully - she may need more help than you can give her. 

Otherwise I would be tempted to look for someone who doesn’t make you feel bad and uncomfortable all the time.

Q: If a guy uses colourful words around a woman and is generally comfortable in her presence, does this mean he has "friendzoned" her?

A: It depends how long he has known her - and whether she is in a serious relationship with him. 

If you have just started dating and he is relaxed but swearing, then it does sound as if he is comfortable in your presence. 

If you object to the swearing than simply tell him. His reaction to that will give you a much clearer idea of where you really stand. I hate swearing and whilst I understand occasionally you can’t help it, if every sentence contains an obscenity I’d have to say something. 

Don’t you want to be treated like a lady? 

A better clue to whether you are in the ‘friendzone’ is the amount of physical contact there is between you. If there’s no hugging, kissing or attempts to be physically close then it’s pretty clear there’s very little interest.

How would you have responded to these questions? I'd love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.

Disclaimer: All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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