Do you take your shoes off indoors?

There seems to be a habit that polarises people neatly into two groups - the house proud and the relaxed homesteaders, or the neat freaks and the grubsters.  

That habit is this - whether or not you take your shoes off indoors and, more interestingly in terms of social etiquette, whether you take your shoes off when entering someone else's house.

Muddy shoes in the porch, where they belong

My dear mother, who for years has insisted that shoes be removed on entry to our family home recently remarked that I was fussy because I made Ieuan take off his muddy shoes to walk across the kitchen carpet tiles.  

When my parents visit, knowing my aversion to muddy footprints (and given the local dog-walkers apparent amnesia when it comes to poo bags), far worse substances being deposited on the little carpet we have left, they bring their own slippers.

I know that there are some who think it is the height of rudeness to be asked to remove their footwear on arriving at someone's house.  

I think it's just good manners to offer to do so.  

If someone has taken the trouble to vacuum and sweep the floors so that their home is clean and welcoming, why on earth would you want to spoil their efforts by walking in untold types of yuk from our pavements?  

This is even more important when there are children in the house.

Now I can quite understand if you work with animals, or outdoors, or you live in a house very similar to Longleat, then you may be quite happy to keep your boots on, but in the average family home I just don't get why anyone would think muddy footprints makes a place more des res.

Mind you, I once attended a business meeting with the senior partner of the law firm I was working for at the time where the client (a leading estate agent in the Vale) lived in a huge and immaculately cleaned house featuring gleaming wood floors and white carpet.  

We were asked to remove our shoes by the housekeeper which rather (if you'll pardon the pun) floored us.  

It was not the fact that we were asked to take our shoes off that was the problem, it was that we both had holes in our socks.

So since I'm the one who does most of the vacuuming and endlessly chases crumbs and fluff with my trusty dustpan and brush, I don't feel remotely guilty for asking people to take their shoes off.

If you come visiting,  best make sure there are no holes in your socks.

Where do you, um, stand on this issue?


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Our Visit to National Trust Dyffryn Gardens, Wales

An incredibly warm Thursday afternoon saw us return to another favourite haunt, Dyffryn Gardens in the Vale of Glamorgan.

Double Trouble!

Now in the safe hands of the National Trust, the house is in the process of being lovingly restored and a team of experienced gardeners are caring for the vast array of plants growing happily in the well-tended soil.

The Children's Play Area

Visitors' Centre & Coffee Shop

The future of the Gardens has seemed unsettled for some while, with rumours that it was going to be a 5 star hotel but losing this place as a family bolt hole with its walled gardens, arboretum and various ponds and pools would have been a real shame.

We want to go to Bat Night!

In past years the husband and I attended an open air performance of Puccini's opera "La Traviata" which was magical and then there were the Halloween evenings where staff would dress up as ghosts and ghouls and leap out of the foliage to scare the happy revellers (also in fancy dress).  The last time we went, a lovely lady dressed as a vampire leapt out not realising we were carrying Ieuan.  Ieuan's wails could be heard over some distance.  "Eh luv,"  she said, "give him to me for a cuddle".  Ieuan was having none of it.  The Gardens were also a popular venue for open air Shakespeare plays and I hope that these cultural events can make a return in due course.

Loads of room for the kids to run around

A gorgeous display of Heathers

The house at Dyffryn

The Dyffryn Estate dates back to the 7th century when the house was then called the Manor of Worlton and was given to the Bishop Oudaceous of Llandaf. In the 16th century the Button family acquired the manor and the first house was built. In 1891 the estate was sold to John Cory, an extremely wealth coal merchant who built the present house in 1893. In its somewhat chequered history, the estate has also been used as a police academy, a dog training centre and an education conference facility.

Now that the Gardens belong to the National Trust, however, entrance is free only for members so we have taken out a family membership at £86 for the four of us for a year.  Local National Trust properties to us include Dyffryn and Tredegar House but there is a wealth of National Trust properties in the UK, particularly in our favourite holiday county of Devon.  At roughly £7 per month, I think this is excellent value.  Otherwise, the cost for a family of four is around £21.

I love Dyffryn because it has space for the kids to run free in a relatively safe environment.  There are so many nooks and crannies ideal for games of hide 'n' seek or picnics.

There is a play area for younger kids just outside the Visitors' Reception and Gift Shop, plenty of toilets and a good coffee shop.  There is also ample parking.

We are hoping for a long hot summer in which we can spend many a lazy evening in the secluded tranquillity of Dyffryn Gardens.

Further information can be found at www.nationaltrust.org.uk/dyffryn-gardens including opening times and prices for non National Trust members.

Like what you've read?  Why not join me on the Mother Distracted Facebook page, tweet me on @lindahobbis or follow me on Instagram.

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Do you Choose Beautiful? Dove inspires UK women with new film campaign

Dove has released a new film to inspire women in the UK to reconsider the choices they make about their beauty after finding that a staggering 96% of women do not choose the word 'beautiful' to describe how they look.

They are asking us to #ChooseBeautiful.

Dove believes feeling beautiful is a personal choice women should feel empowered to make for themselves, every day.

Through a candid, eye-opening film shot in London, as well as four other cities: Delhi, San Francisco, Shanghai and Sao Paolo - Dove's "Choose Beautiful" campaign encourages women worldwide to reconsider the choices they make about their beauty and how those choices make them feel.

The Dove Choose Beautiful film captures real women considering their own beauty.

The women are challenged with revealing the way they see themselves by being invited to choose to walk through one door entitled ‘Average’ or another entitled ‘Beautiful’, with their reactions documented throughout.

Watch the film below.

I have certainly struggled to choose beautiful for most of my life and now, as a 50 year old with a 7 year old daughter, I am determined that she will not be programmed by the nonsense that surrounds the quest for the 'perfect' face and figure.

50 and I #ChooseBeautiful

I can remember exactly when the doubts set in.

I was bullied in primary school by some particularly obnoxious boys who used to call me "boot face".

To this day, that phrase hurts.

Then I went through the awkward teenage years sporting red hair and black National Health glasses.

With the hindsight of age, of course I now understand that kids call each other hurtful names, that everyone has their cross to bear in terms of appearance, that everyone has a part of their body that they hate and are convinced is so awful everyone else must surely notice.

My parents used to tell me "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but this, in many ways, is a half truth.

How many times have you been told that you are beautiful, that you look stunning, or any other compliment offered by a brave partner?

I say brave because many of us will reject the compliment out of hand, hurting their feelings and making them feel dumb for even daring to voice it!  "How can you say that, look at the state of my hair" or "I've put on so much weight" and on and on.....

It doesn't matter how many times you are told you are beautiful, if you don't believe it then you will not choose beautiful.

It is possible though, playing devil's advocate, that sometimes not choosing beautiful is an excuse for not being courageous, for hiding out, not achieving or joining in or growing as a person.

In the same way that denying we are 'good enough' in other aspects of our lives carries psychological 'rewards', not choosing beautiful allows many of us to stay safe.

It is as if we have wrapped ourselves in a cloak of invisibility, too terrified to come out in case life doesn't quite meet our expectations.

Overwhelmingly, Dove's film reveals that women often struggle with recognising their own beauty, and find it difficult to Choose Beautiful.

One woman (Olivia) says she was “reluctant to choose the ‘Beautiful’ door”, as she thought onlookers would assume she had an “exaggerated sense of self confidence.”

But choosing beautiful isn’t an act of vanity, but one of courage.

Choosing to see yourself in a way that most women don’t is a brave choice, not an easy one.

British Top Life Coach and Psychologist for women, Natalie Thomas, says that it saddens her to see that so many amazing women in this film felt that they should accept ‘Average’ as a way to describe themselves.

We Brits in particular have a tendency to downplay our talents for fear of being judged, instead focusing on the negative aspects of ourselves.

There is a lovely moment in the film when the British mother encourages her daughter to walk through the "Beautiful" door.

This, to me, is what mothers should be doing for their daughters, ensuring that young women's self esteem is always higher than their self doubt.

At 7,  Caitlin is already aware of the concept of  'pretty'.

It is very hard to escape the, in my view, over sexualised portrayal of female characters in cartoons and TV programmes on children's channels.

And then there are children's magazines, the girls' magazines in particular awash with pink plastic and glitter.

I'll be teaching my daughter to choose beautiful

I see my role as guiding her through this maze of often warped perceptions, giving her confidence in her own appearance whilst still allowing her to enjoy being a girl.

There is a delicate balance, isn't there between enjoying dressing up and (later!) make-up.

It's fine I think if these are used to enhance and hone but not if make-up becomes a mask which hides who we truly are.

I remember realising that, after leaving work to have Caitlin and no longer having to wear make up every day that it had become a mask.

It was almost as if the act of  applying make-up in the morning turned me into someone else - someone who wasn't me.

It was like armour, a defence against others' judgement.

As Natalie Thomas says, "The messages that young girls receive from the most important people around them between the ages of 11-17 can often set up their sense of self-esteem for life, and the way the mother positively reinforced her daughter serves as a shining example of the message we should be sending to young girls.

As a nation, we need to be encouraging individuals to accept and project the inherent beauty that exists within.”

Dove's Marketing Manager, Ali Fisher says that the film urges women to embrace this choice, and inwardly challenge our tendency to not ‘choose beautiful’ because when we do it unlocks happiness and confidence that impacts our self-esteem.

And as the film's director, Paul Dektor says, "we all have the personal and powerful ability to rise above others’ points of view, social media, and pop culture, and I hope the Dove Choose Beautiful film inspires women around the world to reconsider how they view their own beauty.”

Beautiful is a choice. One you make every day. Will you choose beautiful?

Watch Dove Choose Beautiful at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwH81q-HlGE and make your choice @DoveUK with #ChooseBeautiful. Choose what makes you feel beautiful, choose it often, and share it with the world.

You can learn more about the women’s choices and the Dove Choose Beautiful global experience on Tumblr at http://dovechoosebeautiful.tumblr.com where you can share your thoughts with the community and also find tips on self-esteem.

Dove has long been committed to creating a world where beauty is a source of confidence, not anxiety.

Dove hopes to inspire women to develop a positive relationship with beauty, because when women recognize the beauty in themselves, they have a powerful ability to positively impact the next generation.

The Dove Self-Esteem Project has reached over 1.5 million young people in the UK with self-esteem building programmes.

This is a collaborative post.

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Lunch at one of Wales' Best Thatched Inns - The Bush Inn, St. Hilary

The lovely 17th century thatched Welsh country inn, The Bush Inn at St. Hilary, has long been a favourite destination for a quiet lunch for Mathew and I.

The Bush Inn, St. Hilary (photo from website)

Some months ago, we were surprised to be watching the wonderful Sherlock: Hound of the Baskervilles with Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, only to spot The Bush Inn as the location for one of Conan Doyles most cunning who (or in this case what) dunnit.

Source;  The Bush Inn Website:  The owners with Benedict Cumberbatch & Martin Freeman

The last we had heard of the Inn prior to this was that the place had been unfortunately destroyed by fire and so, hoping that the place had been lovingly restored (as would seem to be the case from Sherlock on TV), we bribed the grandparents to have the kids and sneaked off for a leisurely lunch.

Outside The Bush Inn, St. Hilary

Coincidentally, we chose the same afternoon as the local Rolls Royce Enthusiasts Club and the car park was lined with the most regal of vintage vehicles.

I have added some photos later on and the husband refused to let me see if I could trade in our car for something closer to automobile royalty.

I am happy to report that the Bush Inn is indeed fully restored to its former splendour and offers a quiet haven somewhere towards the popular market town of Cowbridge.

Although sunny, the church at St. Hilary was shaded and dark, almost as if the Hound were lurking somewhere about.

The Church at St. Hilary

The Inn is not really the place for noisy, rumbustious children and it would not be our first choice as a destination for a family meal with young children in tow.

No,  the Bush Inn suits escapees from daily drudgery and those who want a break from the endless chain restaurants which seem to be taking over our city centres.

Entrance to The Bush Inn - a warm welcome awaits

Inside can be found the roaring fire, and the cosy nooks we remembered from years ago.

The lunch menu is quite simple.

The Inn now specialises in pies and Wellingtons, with a varied and more inspired vegetarian (and gluten free) menu than is usually the case.

There are also the usual burgers and sandwiches on the menu.

Never able to resist a pie with a puff pastry crust, I chose the Fisherman's Pie with cod, prawns and leeks and the husband chose the Steak Pie with Guinness and Stilton.

Both arrived piping hot with a lovely crisp puff pastry 'lid' and a generous portion of chips and vegetables (cabbage, carrots, broccoli and courgettes).

The vegetables were nicely al dente.

Fisherman's Pie

Steak Pie

Not necessarily the perfect combination with a fish pie but my glass of Malbec Los Haroldos (Mendoza, Argentina) was smooth and aromatic.

It is immensely cheering to see how many local pubs now offer decent red wine!

An aromatic Malbec

Give a man a pie and he's happy

For dessert I chose a rosewater creme brulee with homemade shortbread biscuit and the husband had a salted caramel chocolate pot.

Both were excellent with the rosewater adding a fragrant sweetness to the brulee.

I'm afraid the chocolate pot was emptied before I could get my spoon anywhere near it.

Rosewater Creme Brulee

Salted Caramel Chocolate Pot

Decent coffees followed and a chance to relax and watch the crackling logs of the real wood fire burning happily away.

There is nothing like a real fire - not something we'd be comfortable having at home until the kids are much older.

The bill was around the £50 for both of us which compares very favourably to eating out in the centre of Cardiff or in Cardiff Bay.

Then it was out into the sunshine to admire the beautiful vintage rollers and to remember times when we would have been able to linger a little longer before heading back to Dinas.

Perhaps next time we may be lucky enough to bump into the Sherlock film crew.

Rather them than the Hound of the Baskervilles, that's for sure.

And while I'm waiting patiently for the promised Christmas Sherlock special, I have contented myself by writing my own homage to the great detective here.

If you are looking for a place to eat that combines tranquillity, an atmospheric pub and good food, the Bush Inn at St. Hilary is heartily recommended.

Further information can be found at the website - www.bushinn-sthilary.com and on Twitter @bushinnsthilary. This is a completely independent review.

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A Poem About Having Babies Late In Life

A Poem for Caitlin & Ieuan

(and for those of us who had babies later in life)

You both were my renaissance, 

an explosion of light in my world

made sparkling by the birth of two new stars.

All was dark and grey

Emotions were dull, feelings muted.

Wrapped in cotton wool I spent 

days muffled from excitement or joy

I felt the ticking of the clock

like a drum in my veins

whilst denying its beat.

But then all was colour and noise

and tenderness and fear

They don't tell you about the fear do they?

You sneezed and the fabric of my universe wobbled.

Your temperature rose and I felt my blood freeze

Lost like an explorer in the Amazon 

I hacked my way through endless tomes of parenting alchemy

only to remain lost.

Your births created my renaissance

but showed me a life shorter than your first breath.

I feel the sadness of being half way through,

I wish I could have felt the way you make me feel

then.

But there is only now.  And you.  And time running faster

than the bare feet sprinting through the meadow

borne on currents of laughter

and joy.

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Magic Things To Tell Yourself After Eating Too Much Chocolate

Now in all likelihood you will never have Lily James' waist measurement in the latest film version of Cinderella (unless, as some cynics have suggested, you have access to photoshop) but if, like me you are feeling a bit guilty about the amount of chocolate that has passed your lips so far this Easter, it's time to get a grip and have a strong word with yourself.

Lily James in the latest version of "Cinderella"

You could tell yourself:

I am human. 

It is Easter. 

The World will not implode because I have eaten three Lindt bunnies and a packet of creme eggs.

I can always eat more healthily tomorrow by increasing my intake of fruit and veggies.

You can never have too many Easter Eggs, or can you?

I can take a walk of at least 30 minutes to raise my heart-rate and get some fresh air.

Chocolate (at least dark chocolate with a 70% or higher cocoa content) has antioxidant properties. (PS. you can find more startling information about the health benefits of dark chocolate here).

The ancient Aztecs thought chocolate was an aphrodisiac.  

Mind you they also thought human sacrifice was a good idea so I'd possibly discount that one.

Aztecs sharing a meal - or is that an early chocolate fondue?

In the 18th century,  the ladies of the French Court had a special 'diet' recipe in the event of too high a chocolate consumption - containing chocolate!  

The recipe - "Chocolate a la capucine" was made from 4 oz chocolate, 6 oz sugar, well beaten eggs and a half litre of Madeira.  

This was to be consumed at breakfast.  

Presumably so that you would pass out for the rest of the day and hence not eat any more chocolate (from "The Temptation of Chocolate" by Jacques Mercier). 

That's the most entertaining recipe for a 'Slim Fast' shake I've ever heard of.

For those of us with kids, I really believe teaching the philosophy of a "little bit of what you fancy does you good".  

Complete restriction or denial tends to lead to rebellion and / or making the forbidden substance even more desirable.

And it's another good opportunity to teach how important dental hygiene is after consuming lots of sugar.

Finally, at least we can see the sugar we are eating in chocolate (in a manner of speaking). 

Far more worrying to me are the vast quantities of hidden sugar in our everyday foods.  

That's where our attention really needs to be focused.

How do you deal with post-chocolate guilt?

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Silent Sunday - 05/04/2015

Caitlin being mum

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My Recent Favourites From Instagram

I love Instagram.

I love the way the images constantly change and the way in which you share somebody else's life in real time.

These are some of my favourite images that I discovered this week.

If you want to follow me on Instagram by the way I'm at www.instagram.com/linda_hobbis.  And I'll happily follow you back if you share your ID.

I'm nosy like that.

The colours in this photo by The Dressing Room St. Albans are amazing.

Dreaming of summer and looking forward to the new @lilyandlionel Swimwear collection launching next week at The DR! Stay tuned!! #summer #newcollection #new #swimwear #instadaily #instastyle

A photo posted by The Dressing Room (@thedrstalbans) on Mar 11, 2015 at 9:56am PDT

An amazing shot of Salcombe Harbour in Cornwall from Coombe Mill Farm (a great place for a holiday by the way)

Looking out across the #harbour at Salcombe

A photo posted by Coombe Mill (@coombemill) on Mar 31, 2015 at 4:51am PDT

Now this is what I call ice-cream (from US blogger Karl Cowell at www.tartleblog.co.uk).

Cant wait for summer and icecream! #fdbloggers #malebloggers

A photo posted by Karl Cowell (@karloose) on Mar 17, 2015 at 10:47am PDT

This brought back memories. I learned to read using the old Ladybird Janet & John books. "Look Janet, the dog has the ball". It was gripping stuff. Worked though! This photo is courtesy of www.slummysinglemummy.com.

Happy days :-)

A photo posted by Josephine Middleton (@slummysinglemummy) on Mar 31, 2015 at 4:28am PDT

We've all had days like this! (courtesy of www.famousfrocks.com)

#useless #lasagne

A photo posted by Famous Frocks (@famousfrocks) on Mar 31, 2015 at 4:00am PDT

A quirky floral display from hair accessory company www.crownandglory.co.uk - an ideal vase for Halloween.

Gave my skully pal a new 'do today ✌️💀🌺

What are your favourites from this week? Care to share?

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