Relationship Dilemmas - What Was I Asked In Week 40?

This week I'm talking about keeping your older boyfriend a secret, dealing with 'psycho girls' and telling a friend her child is too badly behaved for your child to play with.  What would you do?

If you would like any advice, feel free to message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here's just some of the questions I've been asked this week.

Q: Should I tell my parents about my older boyfriend?  I'm 16, he's 22.

A: It depends how old you are. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that if you are below the age of sexual consent in your country then your boyfriend could end up in a lot of trouble - and so could you if you are not using contraception. 

As a mother, I would want to know about your boyfriend. The fact that you are unsure whether to tell them tells me that there is something about this relationship that they will disapprove of. 

When we are young women, it is easy to fall for a charming older man but they are not always who they seem to be. Sexual predators can be very charming indeed. Men (and women) are not always who they seem to be. 

If you are mature but worry about an age gap relationship then, assuming everything is OK, then at that stage, it is your business and if you choose to continue with the relationship you may have to make a choice between your boyfriend and your parents. 

But I wonder why you feel you can’t tell them and even introduce him to them. For your peace of mind (and safety), that is what I would urge you to do. 

And if he’s a decent man, he should be telling you the same thing. 

Q: How can my boyfriend get rid of a 'psycho' girl?

A: I’m guessing you are very young. And rather jealous. 

I’m also assuming that the ‘psycho’ girl has a thing for your boyfriend and is chasing him. 

The person who needs to sort this out is your boyfriend. It’s very common in this situation to focus on the other woman, whilst the man gets off free whilst the women fight. Is this girl an ex girlfriend?

I can sense that you are feeling very threatened but getting bitchy and demanding won’t help. Has your boyfriend been encouraging this girl? 

Sometimes we choose to ignore what is going on right under our nose. Tell him to ‘shape up or ship out’. 

Q: Is chatting with strangers on the internet bad if you already have a girlfriend or boyfriend?

A: Not bad but it can be dangerous. Do you mean general chat or sexual chat? 

You don’t say how old you are but I’m guessing you are quite young. 

I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that it is often impossible to know who you are talking to on the internet. 

If you need to do this despite having a partner I would suggest that the relationship is pretty unfulfilling and it would be fairer to them to let them go and wait until you are ready to commit to a relationship in the real world - rather than a fantasy one in cyberspace.

Q: When children are not disciplined (or guided) and not held accountable for their actions does that cause emotional problems? 

A: Emotional problems for whom? 

As parents having to constantly deal with an out of control child is exhausting. I believe children actually need boundaries in order for them to feel love. They need to know their place in the family and how far they can go. 

They test our love all the time to see if it will break. 

So I agree with you that an over liberal parenting style can result in a child who, paradoxically, feels unloved. 

If nothing you do ever makes a difference would you feel like you mattered? 

And if we don’t set boundaries for our kids whilst they are under our care and guidance, what will happen to them when they enter the world of work and find that they are expected to toe the line and act like mature, responsible adults. 

Everyone’s parenting style is different. Every kids is different. But I think we should be parents first and friends second.

Q: My boyfriend just told me he thinks about his ex every day and wishes he could go back and change his mistakes that made her leave. How do I even reply?

A: I really feel for you. That must have been so hard to hear but the only way to view it is that he has done you a favour but letting you know that his heart is not really in your relationship. It is obviously his guilt talking and I wonder what the ‘mistakes’ were that made her leave. 

If he was unkind or controlling then I think you have just had (no matter how awful it feels like now), a lucky break. 

There is also something a little controlling in the fact that he is making YOU responsible for his upset rather than manning up and dealing with the consequences himself. He sounds very immature. 

I would suggest that you separate for a while so that he can get clear in his head who it is he really wants to be with. 

We always want what we can’t have and it’s the idea that he can’t have his ex back that’s making her seem so attractive. 

In reality, if they got back together the same problems would be there. And I’m wondering if these same problems are already in your relationship. 

But he’s an adult. You are not responsible for him and you DO deserve someone who wants a relationship with you. 

I suspect most women’s advice to you would be “show him the door”.

Q: How do you tell a friend that you don't want your 7 year old children to be friends because of their child's behavior issues?

A: I don’t think you can if you want to keep her friendship. 

Could you find a way for your children to play together under supervision with you and your friend and make her aware of when her child’s behaviour is unacceptable. 

You don’t say what the ‘behaviour issues’ are. It would be very hard on your friend to abandon her if, for example, her child is autistic or has a problem like ADHD. She needs your support, not your censure. 

If her child is just exhibiting bratty behaviour and bullying your child then you either have to tell her straight out or see less of her. Your child’s health and safety has to come first. 

But 7 year olds are ALL capable of bratty behaviour and their friendships go from best friend status to all out hatred in a heartbeat - and back again the next day. 

Are you sure YOUR child is a little angel? Could they be contributing to the behaviour in some way. 

Can you not sit down with your friend over coffee and tell her openly that you have noticed her child behaves in these ways and is there a reason why? She may confide in you and tell you that she knows but needs help dealing with it. 

 Makes sure you’re not about to jettison a nice friendship due to a couple of 7 year olds’ stroppy - and entirely normal - behaviour. 

How would you have responded to these questions? You can find more advice on my problem page.

All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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Children's Book Review: Message In A Bottle By Tom Percival & Tuire Siiriainen

I have been privileged to be a member of the launch team for this lovely personalised book for children and it's been a real eye opener to discover exactly how much work goes in to writing, designing and producing a story like this.

Personalised children's books seem to be all the rage at present and readers of this blog may recall my recent review of The Little Boy Who Lost His Name.

This book, with words by Tom Percival and illustrations by Tuire Siiriainen is different because it combines the personalisation with an educational element and is complemented by an online kids club.

Message In A Bottle tells the story of little bird Kiki, a Scarlet Hawaiian Honeycreeper  who wants to explore the world and gets her chance when she finds a message in a bottle washed up on the shore.

This message is where the personalisation comes in.  Parents, grandparents or any other gift giver can send a personalised message in the bottle which is revealed towards the end of the story.

Even cleverer, by entering your child's name and address, these details are shared at certain points in the story so that you feel Kiki is really sending a special message direct to your child.  The rolled up message has your child's name and address on it and they are referred to by name in the story.

On her journey, Kiki meets a number of other animals who help her to track down the bottle's destination, and some are more of a hindrance than a help.  Will she get the bottle and its message to the right owner?

Some of these animals are easy to recognise but one of the great points about this book is that it introduces you to new species that your child may not have learned about - for example the Plover and the Sailfish.

The team at Blueberry & Pie, (the publishers) has worked closely with Szymek Drobniak, Ph.D. of evolutionary biology to ensure that the zoological and geographical facts are accurate and true. Dr Drobniak also helped to create content for Kiki’s Kids Club.

Not only that but the route of the journey is accurate as well with the story being specifically designed to start in Hawaii and end in Europe with the animals on the way geographically true to their locations.

At Kiki's Kids Club online your child can learn more about the animals in the story by clicking on an interactive map which takes them to the right continent and ex;plains a little more about the creatures who appear.

For example, by clicking on Europe you can learn more about the Long-Eared Owl and in North America you can learn about the Grizzly Bear.  In total you can learn about 14 animal species, the same number that appears in the story.

There is also a quiz, a monthly poll and printable colouring sheets to download.

The book is beautifully produced with warm, bright illustrations and the story is long enough to keep a child interested.  I would say that the ideal age range for this book is up to around 7 years old.

Message In A Bottle is ordered on line via a simple process.

You simply add the child's name, address and then your message.  There is even a selection of templates for you to choose from to help you write your note.

We chose a message to help Caitlin face her fears and stay brave in the face of a challenge. She loved this and was even more impressed because her photograph was printed on the page (simply upload when you order).

In fact, the whole 'message' of the story is to be brave, take a risk and you'll find people (or animals!) to help you get to where you want to go - a pretty good motto for life in general.

You can the preview the book to check that you're happy that the details are correct and then check out and pay in the usual manner.

The book, which is printed in the UK, costs £19.95 with free shipping.

I think it would make a lovely, thoughtful gift for Christmas.

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Review: Psychic Email Readings By Lyndsay Edwards

It's always interesting to learn more about your fellow bloggers and Lyndsay Edwards at the blog livingwithcowsmilkproteinallergy.com has started to use her skills as a medium to offer psychic email readings.

Lyndsay grew up in the spiritualist church and has attended open circle services all her life.  She has always received communication from the spirit world and, having begun to read for others earlier this year, is now offering the service via her blog.

Readings include a minimum of 400 words and cost £25. Lyndsay will shortly be offering readings over the phone too.

Now you may be wholly cynical about psychics but I have been interested in psychic phenomena and mediumship ever since I was a child.

Try as I might, I simply cannot believe that when we die, that's it.  What is the point of the intelligence we have been gifted with otherwise?  So I am entirely open to spiritualism and the belief that our loved ones never leave us and may try to communicate with us from time to time.

Of course, the industry has its charlatans and those who would seek to exploit the grieving but I believe in general that psychics are driven by the need to do good and to offer comfort.

I have certainly found great comfort from past readings at times of crisis in my life, even if the predictions were not 100% accurate.

Sometimes we can ask a psychic things we wouldn't dream of asking a family member or a friend. Asking a psychic questions creates a safe space for us to ask the things that are really bothering us - and sometimes those things we find it very difficult to admit to ourselves.

Lyndsay asked me to give her 2 questions to answer and, without going into personal detail, both questions centered around the fact that I had my children in my forties and am concerned about maintaining a good level of health so I'm around for long enough to see them mature, and hopefully see them have a family of their own.

My reading began with an accurate description of the type of person I am and then dealt with my questions. I have to say that Lyndsay's answers were insightful and identified a few points which she could not have known.

Firstly, spirit advised that I can do far more and should just take the children with me - I am forever using my family situation as an excuse for not getting out and about more. It seems like such an upheaval but I know that's not really a justification for turning down the opportunities that come my way.

Secondly spirit highlighted the exact health worry that scares me most on a daily basis and reassured me that I would be fine. Since the Husband refers to me as "a major drain on the NHS", this really cheered me up.

The reading ended with a message from my grandmother which, although I don't remember the exact moment, had enough detail to be entirely plausible.

I would have liked a slightly longer reading but the answers I received certainly put my mind at rest and gave me comfort.

That, to me, is the main purpose of a psychic reading.

And to those who say that the future cannot be predicted?

I think a psychic reading is a bit like being given a map.  We are shown where we are but we still get to choose the route we take throughout our life.

It's nice to occasionally have a bit of encouragement along the way.

For more information about psychic email readings, visit Lyndsay at www.livingwithcowsmilkproteinallergy.com.

*I received an email psychic reading for the purposes of this review.

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Review: The VAX Air Stretch Pet Upright Vacuum Cleaner

VAX is a name I've been familiar with for a long time but I have to be honest and say that I thought the company only produced rather cumbersome machines which cleaned your carpet by dampening it.

Times have changed greatly.  VAX offered us the chance to test one of their new, lightweight, bagless models and we chose the VAX Air Stretch Pet Upright Vacuum Cleaner.

Our existing vacuum is a pull-along one from a well known 'bagless' brand and, although I could never fault it's vacuuming power, it is difficult to move.  It doesn't corner so that if you pull it, it generally smacks into the furniture if you're not paying attention.

It is also quite heavy and because we've managed to lose most of the tools, nooks and crannies are often overlooked.  Its weight also doesn't help my back so lugging it up and down stairs is a problem and it simply doesn't have the reach to vacuum the ceiling.

The VAX Air Stretch cleaner has none of these problems.  It is a powerful (820w) and lightweight upright vacuum cleaner with a long reach hose and cord.




It is also ideal for homes with pets as it comes with a TurboTool  to help remove stubborn dirt and pet hair from surfaces around your home.

The product is also supplied with a 3-in-1 tool

Whilst we don't have a pet (yet!), both the Husband and I suffer from a dust allergy so a powerful vacuum is important for us. We have stripped out lots of the carpet so we also need a machine that copes well with hard floors without scratching the surface.

The VAX is multi-cyclonic (which means you don't lose suction), has a HEPA filter and, best of all it comes with a long cord and hose which reaches up to 17 metres.

You can use the VAX on carpet or hard floor by simply altering a gauge on the base of the machine and the tools attach to the body of the upright (although we haven't found where the TurboTool goes).

It weighs only 4.9kg making it easy to lift and, whilst it is a battle with my existing cleaner to lift it step by step to do the stairs, the VAX has the reach to allow you to just use the cord and the TurboTool  which makes it much easier on my back.

The machine is also easy to empty - you just detach the dust container, unclip at the bottom and empty straight into the bin.

The only slight negatives I can find are firstly that the machine is quite noisy for those of us with Tinnitus but the same could be said of most of today's updated household appliances.

Secondly, an upright vacuum cleaner does take a little more storage space but it's given us an extra incentive to clean out the cupboard under the stairs where we tend to 'store' too many coats and cans of tinned tomatoes from our forays to Costco.

The product comes with free delivery and a 6 year guarantee.  It retails at £249.99.

We found it was easy to use, light to lift and did the job well.

You can find more information about this and the full range of VAX products at www.vax.co.uk.

*We were sent a VAX Air Stretch Pet Upright Vacuum Cleaner for the purpose of this review.  

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Review: Kids' Halloween Costumes At Matalan

Every year we love spending time deciding what we're going to dress up as on Halloween and this year we found our inspiration at Matalan.

Caitlin transformed herself into a Gothic Bride and Ieuan, being a sweet natured boy, decided he was going to be the Grim Reaper.

Obviously Mr Bones didn't want to be left out.

Their costumes were very good value at £12 a piece and as you can see from our photographs, the detailing is quite impressive.

We got both costumes in a size 9-10 as my kids are both quite tall. Caitlin will be 9 in November and Ieuan is 7.

Both costumes fitted well with enough room under the arms to dance and threaten people with plastic weaponry without risking a split seam.

Kids Gothic Bride Halloween Costume - £12

Matalan's kids' Halloween costumes are made for ages 4-13 (the age ranges vary depending on the costume) and they have ensured that all of their Halloween products have passed additional Flammability Testing BS5722.

If the Gothic Bride and the Grim Reaper don't inspire you, how about Vampirella or a Pirate Skeleton? You'll find face paints and wigs too just in case the grownups want to join in (who doesn't!).

Kids Grim Reaper Halloween Costume - £12

On the Matalan website there's a fun Halloween section where you'll find spooky decorations, costumes, lifesized skeletons and party tips and ideas.

There are even pumpkin carving templates, should you be stuck for inspiration - although we usually delegate this to the Husband.  It's good to get everyone involved, isn't it?!

Click here for pumpkin carving templates

Delivery is free over £50, otherwise it's £3.95 but Matalan offer free Click & Collect and Free Returns to Store.

For more information visit www.matalan.co.uk.

*PR samples were received for the purpose of this review.

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Win A Personalised LED Candle & A Jar Of Sweets For Halloween [closed]

I am a huge fan of Halloween and over the years I have collected quite a few treasured items that make their appearance each year at the Hobbis Family Halloween Party.

I recently discovered a lovely website, Born Gifted which offers a range of personalised children's gifts, including some really cute things for Halloween (and I have some to giveaway, more later ...).

Personalised Halloween Black Tote Cotton Trick or Treat Bag £9.99 

Personalised Vinyl Halloween Banner £12.99 

Personalised Halloween LED Candle £9.99 

‘On Halloween Night’ Personalised Book £9.99 

Personalised Halloween Sweet Jar & Sweets £7.99

Standard delivery is £2.50 but free over £40 and you'll find a wide range of children's gifts for all occasions, such as christenings, weddings and becoming a godparent. You'll also find toys in a wide range of themes like Star Wars, Dinosaurs, Football and Fairies & Angels.

For more gift ideas, visit www.borngifted.co.uk.  

The Giveaway

Now to the giveaway.  I have a personalised LED Halloween Candle and a personalised Halloween sweet jar and sweets to give away to one lucky winner.

Our Personalised Halloween LED Candle

Entry is via the Rafflecopter widget and terms and conditions apply (on my competitions page).  UK entrants only and the giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Friday 21 October.  

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck

*A PR sample was received for the purpose of this post.

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Boost Your Love Life & Go Phoneless This Friday For Save The Children

In my weekly problem page I am always amazed at the number of people who conduct their romantic relationships almost entire by phone.  And there's nothing like relying on text messaging to ensure the path to true love is likely to hit the buffers at some point.

Lock Your Phone Away Any Donate To Save The Children on Fri 7th October

So it's not surprising to read that 4.8 million Brits have been dumped via text despite 97% saying it’s not an acceptable thing to do

New research from Save the Children reveals the UK’s social rule-book is being re-written as the nation thinks texting whilst talking to someone is considered to ruder than being late or not giving up a seat for someone in need.

This Friday 7th October, Save The Children is launching "Phoneless Friday" to encourage the UK to put down their phones and get offline for the day to help transform the lives of children around the world.

All you need to do is sign up at phonelessfriday.org.uk and donate £5 to take part.  Even better, challenge your friends and family too and get them to contribute to a very worthwhile cause.

The aim of the challenge is to try and refresh the nations’ manners by going offline for a day with the potential to rediscover the forgotten phenomena of face to face conversations.

There are over 43 million smartphone users in the UK, and a recent OfCom report revealed that people are spending over 24 hours a week online and sending a whopping 262 million texts a day. It’s easy to see why 2.4 million Brits admitted they ‘would not be able to cope’ if they accidentally left their phones at home.

Save The Children's research reveals that the rising number of smartphone users is changing our view of bad etiquette. Texting whilst talking to someone (64%) is now deemed to be ruder than being late (54%) or not giving up a seat for someone who needs it (63%). Most shockingly, whilst 97% of people said dumping someone via text message was unacceptable; over 4 million people admitted it had happened to them.

When it comes to bad phone etiquette and our biggest bug bears, talking loudly on the phone on public transport (66%), texting at the dinner table (53%) and hearing music from other people’s phones (46%) are considered some of the top phone no-nos.

The nation’s biggest phone fails include 17% of people who admitted walking into something when using their phones, with one in ten missing their stop on public transport because they were distracted by their handsets. Sending an embarrassing text to the wrong person (19%) and getting drunk and regretting a message that has been sent were also highlighted (18%).

Save the Children believes every child deserves a future. Their programmes help give children around the world a healthy start in life, the opportunity to learn and protection from harm. Your £5 could go towards simple solutions to big problems – like vaccines, mosquito nets or a baby blanket – things which can help to significantly improve and save a child’s life. And giving up your phone for the day could even help us give phones to desperate families, allowing us to easily and safely transfer money to them, so they can buy food. 

So why not put your phone away and make a difference to someone else's life on Friday?

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Relationship Dilemmas - What Was I Asked In Week 39?

As we head towards the festive season, our thoughts turn to the special person in our life and, if we don't have one, possibly attracting a new love to see in the New Year.  In my Relationship Dilemmas column I am asked about a wide range of topics including relationships, dating, parenting and health.

If you would like any advice, feel free to message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here's just some of the questions I've been asked this week.

Q: Why does my girlfriend stay with me even after I keep getting caught lying? 

My girlfriend has caught me in a lie I can't even tell you how many times, whether it be lying about doing drugs (number 1 thing I get caught for) or lying about talking to other girls.  Granted I've never cheated and never would but I gave up all my friends to be with her so its nice to just chat with the opposite sex. She texts guys from school ABOUT school only though for the most part and I don't get mad at all...anyways I have a bad habit of lying and she should of definitely left me by now, why hasn't she?

A: I would be more worried about your drug habit which is surely affecting not only your behaviour but the way you relate to others. 

Does your girlfriend join you in your drug taking - in which case there’s a clear reason why she puts up with you. 

It sounds like you are quite young and have not yet learned to take responsibility for your behaviour but you will surely come unstuck at some point and find the consequences far more severe than a girlfriend who you seem to disrespect for being a doormat and putting up with your nonsense. 

If you are still in school is there someone you can talk to about your habit? Or someone at home you can confide in? 

Lying and getting away with it is also an addictive habit. Why are you craving so much attention? 

Your girlfriend may put up with all this because she loves you and people can only take so much and if you’re not careful you’ll find yourself single again. Or, is this what you secretly want?

Q: I am suffering from Tinnitus. Are there people who had it for a couple of months (3 to 6) but where it disappeared after that time?

A: Yes there are but it depends on the cause of the tinnitus. 

Some medications can cause tinnitus (for example Naproxen or other drugs in the NSAID family like ibrupofen) and the tinnitus may stop when these are no longer taken. 

When did your tinnitus start and had you made any particular life changes around this time? 

Other things to consider are your general state of health and whether, for example, you may be gluten intolerant or have thyroid problems. 

Are you suffering hearing loss? Are your ears full of wax in which case asking your doctor to gentle suction the wax out (NOT syringing) may relieve the tinnitus. 

Have you had any dental work? A root canal for example, or wisdom teeth removed. Do you have trouble with your jaw / bite? 

As you can see there are quite a few triggers. The most important thing to do is not to panic but to consider what you may be doing to contribute to the problem and make some gentle lifestyle changes.  
Then talk to a doctor who may refer you to an ENT or hearing specialist. 

You’ll also find some really supporting tinnitus groups on Facebook who offer wise advice and help you cope with your fears. 

Q: How can I make my 5 years old kid (girl) more disciplined? She won't listen to me, repeats the same questions that she already knows the answers to, and sometimes does things that bother me on purpose. How do I teach her to do the right things without pushing or punishment? Also, is punishment an option in this age range?

A: Little children are forces of nature and like to explore, have fun, make a mess. They simply don’t understand or remember rules.

They do, on the other hand, model the behaviour they see adults exhibiting. 

If you want your little girl to be better behaved, showing is better than telling. Reinforcing the positive things she does will be more effective than shouting at her when she does wrong. 

My two will just screen me out if I shout too long about something. Why don’t you sit down as a family and draw up some house rules then stick them on the fridge. Keep them simple, easy to remember and make sure there’s a reward at the end. 

Negative behaviour should be challenged when you catch it (e.g. biting, hitting other children). There’s no point waiting till after the event because the moment will be lost. 

Lastly, having a more disciplined child won’t necessarily make you feel like a better mother. Sometimes we want to instill discipline because we want to feel more in control. 

If your daughter is just being a normal naughty 5 year old, perhaps you just need someone to tell you you’re a great parent and to cut yourself some slack. 

They do get better…. eventually…

Q: Is it OK to say bad words during an argument with your loving partner? 

A: We’ve all done it. We’re human and nobody knows how to push our buttons like our partners do. 

It’s less about the words we accidentally say and more about how we deal with the aftermath. 

If what you said was out of order or unnecessarily cruel then I think you need to examine the deeper issues in your relationship. 

There’s a difference between effing and jeffing at someone in anger and deliberately wanting to hurt them with our words. 

Is this a regular thing? Are you depressed? Do you have some other problem that is making you short and bad tempered with your partner? 

Whilst it’s understandable to lose your temper once in a while, doing this on a regular basis is not and I sense from your question that you know are in danger of overstepping the line. 

There is only so much even a loving partner will take.

Q: Is it normal/ okay to be called names if you don't leave your partner alone during an argument when he asks you to?

A: If he asked you to leave him alone and he was angry, it’s hardly surprising that he called you names. Not excusable but understandable. 

That said, I wonder what you were arguing about? Were you accusing him of something - in which case a great way of not answering the accusation is to resort to name calling and demand to be left alone. It’s the exact way children behave when their parents tell them off. Were you lecturing him like a child? 

Is this the first time he has called you names during an argument? I’m not surprised that you were hurt and shocked if so. 

But it sounds to me that the subject the argument was about needs to be discussed when you are both calm. And perhaps both your behaviours during the argument should be talked about too. 

If you are seeking constant reassurance about his fidelity, or constantly checking up on him and that is what caused the fight then there are wider issues to be talked about here. Either way, there is talking to be done - but as adults. 

And you need to tell him that calling you names is not acceptable. But be prepared for him to list some of your less attractive behaviours too. If his behaviour towards you goes beyond name calling and veers towards verbal or even physical abuse, then please seek some counselling and help. You really shouldn’t put up with that.

Q: My boyfriend told me he cheated on his last girlfriend, and didn’t tell her. They broke up, but his ex still loves him. Should I warn her about him? 

My boyfriend dumped his 3-year-relationship-girlfriend, & three weeks later we started ours This year his ex will study in our faculty and we three will came acros His ex don’t know all details & still love someone that doesn’t exist anymore They met at his parents’ & his ex told him she wants him back

A: Was your boyfriend seeing you behind the ex’s back? Are you the person he cheated with or was there another girl? 

Either way, it is not for you to ‘warn’ this girl - because what you really want to do is to tell her to back off. 

The trouble is, your boyfriend has quite a lot of history with this girl and she probably feels that he is still hers, particularly if your boyfriend didn’t explain the reasons for the breakup. If anyone should be telling her it’s definitely over it’s your boyfriend. 

How did he meet her at his parents? Don’t you think that’s a little odd? 

You say she loves someone who doesn’t exist anymore but she has, to be blunt, known him for longer than you have. And why did your boyfriend feel he had to tell you she wanted him back? 

You cannot control HIS behaviour by trying to get her out of the picture but the fact that he has been upfront about her declaration suggests he is being honest with you. 

If he was that interested in her he would probably have kept that quiet. Or is he secretly enjoying having two women fight over him? 

I think you do need to ask your boyfriend what is going on, why he is still meeting his ex and whether he is committed to a relationship with you. 

But I wouldn’t sink to threatening this woman. If anything she deserves your sympathy. 

How would you have responded to these questions? You can find more advice on my problem page.

All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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Children's Book Review: The Little Boy Who Lost His Name By David Cadji-Newby & Pedro Serapicos

As parents, we all know how important it is to spend quality time reading to our children.  It's a chance within a busy day to create a safe space and a pocket of time just for parent and child to bond over a shared story.

And what better way to make the story even more special than by giving a child a book that is personalised with a message just for them?  It adds an extra bit of mystery and fun.

As we go towards Halloween and start to focus on all things mystical and spooky, younger children may prefer a story that is a little less scary and a little more magical.

The Little Boy Who Lost His Name fits the bill nicely. (Or The Little Girl ...)

This lovely story is about a child (boy or girl) who loses their name and goes on a magical journey to find it. They find their name again by being given each letter by a magical or mythical creature - and when the letters are put together their name is spelt out.

So, for example, on Ieuan's journey he meets an Imp, an Elephant, a Unicorn, an Aadrvark and a Narwhal whale.

I would say that the story is suitable for children up to about Ieuan's age (7) but probably better suited to children a little younger who are just beginning their reading journey.

The book can be further personalised in the front page with a letter from their parents (or a message from the giver of the book which would make a lovely Christmas present, or a non-sugary Halloween gift).

It also comes in a beautiful paper wallet to keep the book in good condition.

The Little Boy Who Lost His Name is independently published and produced in as environmentally friendly a way as possible.

The story has really resonated with parents and children and the book has sold over 1.7 million copies in 176 countries.

The book retails at £19.99 with free shipping worldwide and you order and customize online at the Lostmyname website.  You enter the child's name and gender, pick an avatar which reminds you most of them and enter your dedication.

A preview is then generated for you to check and approve before checking out.

Although the price isn't cheap, the quality is superb and the book is really designed more as a special keepsake with a personal touch. I think it would even make a lovely Christening / naming gift to be kept for the special moment when bedtime stories begin.

Before settling down for the night with Yoda (who needs lots of early nights because he's 900 years old apparently), Ieuan remarked that the dedication in the front was "really cool" and he enjoyed the story.

High praise from a 7 year old.

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New Releases, Free & Bargain Books Link-up Week 39

How are you all this week?  We've been really busy.  Ieuan is preparing for his next Tae Kwondo grading (green stripe) and when he's not practising for that, we've been making sure that we read the school library books from cover to cover.

I've been reading to the kids in different accents and they think it's now hilarious to talk in a variety of new dialects each day.  I'm not quite sure they've mastered the Scottish or Irish accents as they mostly sound American or Australian!

I've just finished the latest crime thriller from one of my new favourite authors, John W. Mefford - At Dusk - which features a female detective for a change - Alex Troutt.  If you've not read any of John's books I highly recommend them. This latest features a really creepy serial killer who is obsessed with eyes. You can find my review here.

Happy bargain and freebie hunting on this link.

Have a great week!

Sharing the Love of Books
Enjoy our selection of New Releases / Free & Bargain Books this week

Authors please feel free to add your own books
Readers please free to add your own finds
(any genre except erotica welcome)

This weekly link up is hosted by Beck Valley Books & these awesome book loving blogs...
Monday
 Life as Leels | IrishdaisylovesRomance | Book Babble | All Romance Reader
Tuesday
It's My Side of Life | Celticlady's Reviews | First Time Mommy Adventures 
Wednesday
Beck Valley Books | Cinnamon Hollow Reviews
Thursday
Miki's Hope | Nicki's Nook
Friday
Ebook Addicts | I Love Romance | Mother Distracted | Colorimetry | The Ultimate Fan Blog
Saturday
Totally Addicted to Reading | 3 Partners in Shopping | Angie's Angle | I Create Purty Thangs | Wishful Endings
Sunday
Lynchburg Mama | LibriAmoriMiei | Ali - The Dragon Slayer | Wondermom Wannabe | Deal Sharing Aunt | Rambling Reviews 

For Pre-orders post - PRE-ORDER / genre / title /author

For New Releases post - NEW / genre / title / author

For Free Books post - FREE / genre / title / author / end date 

For Bargain Books post - SALE / price / genre / title / author / end date
(Strictly no Erotica please.  Steamy romance is fine but watch those covers people, incase any underage child is viewing it!)

Click here for this weeks awesome selection!

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Inspirational Design Ideas That Parents Will Love

If you’re busy juggling the school run with work or other commitments, you may not have time for DIY and interior design. 

Thankfully, you don’t have to devote a lot of time to shopping or hammering with these inspirational design ideas. If you’re a parent looking to give your home a mini makeover, why not give these suggestions a try?

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Displaying children’s artwork

Have you got folders of paintings lying around in boxes in the spare room? Have you run out of room on the fridge? Or are you struggling to find enough wall space to hang your children’s masterpieces? If these scenarios sound familiar, it’s time to find some innovative new ways to display your kids’ artwork.

One idea is to create a wall-mounted gallery. Buy a series of frames, and select your favourite works. Put up some tacks in the wall and hang your frames. This idea works really well on staircases or landing walls. You can choose frames that are all the same size and colour, or mix things up with different sizes and styles. You don’t need to spend a fortune on your creation. Take a look online and compare prices. Sites like Best4Frames offer a range of cheap picture frames.

Another idea is to create a washing-line style gallery. Put up a piece of string or tape and then use mini pegs to hang your pictures. Once the line is in place, you could add personalised wall stickers to finish off the look. Go for your child’s name or a quote from a famous artist.

Wallpaper with a difference

Are your kids always drawing on the walls or adding their own touches to your wallpaper? If so, why not create a chalkboard wall? Your new wall will look stylish, and your children can be as creative as they like. You can use chalkboard paint or buy a ready-made sticker. This is an excellent idea for family kitchens, playrooms, and children’s bedrooms.

Sensational storage

Storage issues are commonplace in family homes. Are you constantly tripping over building blocks or trying to cram as many books as possible into your shelving units? The good news is that there are some fantastic child-friendly storage ideas out there. You can buy units, which look like toys and invest in clever solutions. Think giant Lego brick storage boxes. Or wardrobes and beds fitted with pull-out drawers. If you have older kids, bunk beds with desks underneath are an excellent space-saving option.

Family photos

Every parent loves to display photographs of their kids around the house. There are various ways you can do this. You can stand frames on units and chests. You can hang canvases on the wall or buy giant multi-aperture frames. You could create a photo wall in the same style as your artwork gallery. Or you could put up a series of shelves and fill them with your favourite images.

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If you’re a parent looking for simple but effective design ideas, hopefully, you’re feeling inspired. Try these quick and easy tips, and your home will look beautifully unique in no time!

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Greece Is The Word - Why You Should Choose Greece For Your Next Family Holiday

In south eastern Europe, across the water from Turkey, lies Greece and the Greek Islands. Greece continues to be one of the most sought after destination for vacations. Read on to find out why Greece is the last word in family holidays.

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The Aegean Sea

First of all, one of the biggest pull of all those little islands is that they are situated in the beautiful Aegean sea. The Aegean sea is like the ocean that you see on postcards. It's blue and deep and surrounded by beautiful sandy beaches and quaint little towns. It’s also so clear that you can see the fishes and marine life that surrounds you in the water.

In fact, in most places, the weather is so good and the current so favorable that the sun actually gets the chance to warm up the water. This makes it more like a pleasantly warm bath, instead of the freezing endurance test we are used to in the UK.

Another huge boon for taking the family to Greece is that many Greek beaches slope slowly away into the sea. This creates warm shallows in which the kids can play and swim. They can also learn to snorkel here and check out the underwater activity that is common at that shore line.

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Food

Of course, food is a major part of any family holiday. If you are concerned that there won't be enough choice for your little ones, don't worry. In fact, there are a lot of English style dishes on offer that will satisfy even the pickiest of eaters.

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However, it's unlikely that you’ll need to resort to pie and chips as the Greeks are known for their excellent cuisine. Many a holidaymaker has returned from the islands having realized that they do in fact enjoy all sort of culinary delights and the Mediterranean Diet is recognised as being extremely beneficial for the health conscious, with the possible benefit of a longer life too! Fruits and vegetables such as Kalamata olives, tomatoes and pepper are all sweet from being grown in the glorious sun. So your kids may return home with a far more sophisticated palate than when they arrived.

Accommodation

Accommodation in Greece varies in style and type depending on your needs. There is bed and breakfast accommodation in places such as the local taverna or hotel rooms in towns like Lindos and Lardos, suitable for couples or friends sharing. Then there are plenty of self-catering apartments for families in the larger centers of the islands like Rhodes or Mykonos town. Or if you are looking for more privacy then you might choose one of the Santorini villas on offer, most of which include a private pool.

Activities

If your little ones get bored, easily there is plenty to see and do in the Greek Islands. There are plenty of long coastal walks to pretty villages on most islands that you can do. Or what about visiting a live volcano or some ancient ruins?

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There are also plenty of water sports to take part in. Jet skis can be hired from stations on the larger beaches. Or how about taking a day trip on an old-fashioned sail boat. One of the highlights is getting to jump into the ocean from the deck, but be warned the sea isn't always quite as warm that far out!

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Common Ear Problems And What You Can Do About Them

If you have ever had a problem with your ears, you’ll know that it can be tough to deal with. You are in pain and there's no escape as it's right there in your head. 

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If you are struggling with hearing loss, you may be trying to mask it. But it is important that you speak to your doctors and find out what the underlying cause is.

There are many different problems you can suffer with in your ears, and many can be treated or the symptoms at least alleviated. Read on for more information about some of the most common of these - and what you can do about them.

Ménière’s disease 

Ménière’s disease is a fairly rare condition, the cause of which is still unconfirmed. It occurs in the inner ear and causes bouts of dizziness and vertigo. Other common symptoms include tinnitus or ringing in the ears. Attacks usually last around 1- 3 hours, but the after-effects can be felt for up to 24 hours, and sufferers often need to stop and rest in order to feel well again.

For sufferers, Ménière’s can be debilitating. They never know when it will strike, and it may cause  severe attacks of dizziness and vomiting at any time. This is very stressful for the sufferer and can understandably lead to depression or anxiety as well. It can cause problems for them in all parts of their lives. This can result in a large amount of time off work, difficulty travelling and socializing.

Scientists believe that the cause may be problems with pressure in the inner ear or issues with the membrane of the ear. A more specific explanation of what happens during an attack is still being researched.

Treatment for Ménière’s differs depending on your practitioner. Some doctors advise relaxation techniques including Yoga or Tai Chi. Some people find relief in guided meditations during an attack. In America, the newest treatment is a device that pushes air pressure into the ear which seems to stop the dizziness.

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Other things that may improve the condition include changing your medication as some are known to produce the symptoms of the disease. A change in diet is also often recommended, for example cutting out sodium (salt).

Extreme cases may result in surgery - although patients will have gone through balance retraining and other techniques before they get to that point.

Tinnitus

Tinnitus or ringing in the ears is a symptom of Meniere's disease, but it can also occur on its own. Regular readers of this blog will know that I am a sufferer. It might not sound too bad if you haven't got it, but try to imagine what it's like to have a constant high pitch whining in your ears that you can do nothing about.  It is incredibly frustrating.

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It is more common in people over 80 years of age, but anyone can develop the condition. It's often linked to hearing loss, although Tinnitus doesn't cause it.  Many younger people today are beginning to suffer from tinnitus through over exposure to loud noise at rock concerts, festivals and in clubs.

There are several types of tinnitus.  The most usual kind is when the sufferer hears a whooshing, ringing or roaring in the ears. Pulsatile Tinnitus is when the sound pulses in time with your heartbeat. Suffers may also have musical hallucinations, when the sound appears as fragments of songs or music.

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Whichever type you think you have it's important that you see your doctor for some advice on how to deal with this condition.

There are several things that we know can cause tinnitus. One is inner ear damage, which can be due to age, self-inflicted or due to a work related injury.

It is now even possible to seek advice from companies like UKClaim Lawyers about this and to apply for compensation which can then be put towards treatments to hopefully improve the quality of the sufferer's life.

Other causes include a build of wax, anemia, diabetes and hypertension. It can also be a result of blood vessel issues and neck and jaw problems.

Your doctor may recommend a range of therapies that may help you cope with tinnitus. Firstly, CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy should be considered. Although not a cure, it is designed to help you reframe the problem and find working solutions to cope better with it in your daily life.

Secondly, hearing aids with noise devices (maskers) may help, as these can cancel out the noise that you are experiencing in your ears. Many tinnitus sufferers also use white or pink noise to drown out the sound at night, which allows them some peace and makes it easier to get off to sleep.

Tinnitus is a frustrating disease with no real cure and most of the therapies involved learning to live with the problems. They center finding relief where you can and dealing with the emotional and mental fallout. This is why many sufferers are referred for relational training and counselling.

Ear Barotrauma

Ear barotrauma or stretched ear, is a condition which occurs when the air pressure in the middle ear and the ear canal is unequal. This causes the eardrum to bend inwards, which can lead to bleeding, bruising pain or even a rupture.

This can occur due to a blockage in the eustachian tubes. which normally help to regulate the air pressure in the ears. They let out additional air to the middle ear when necessary but if they get blocked for some reason, this does not happen and the ear drum can be damaged.

Ear barotrauma is only an issue when you experience air pressure changes. So diving, flying and other activities where your ears can pop should be avoided. These include travelling by tube and climbing at altitude, which can be risky if your eustachian tubes are blocked.

Blockages in the eustachian tubes can occur from tumors, scarring, and infections like colds or allergies. If you are suffering from a cold or allergy and have to do an activity where you will subject yourself to a change in air pressure, your doctor will recommend a decongestant. You can also chew or suck sweets to help alleviate the pressure or do specific exercises which will balance the pressure in your ears.

Ear Infections 

Most of us remember having an ear infection as a child and the pain from these can be very severe and very unpleasant. They can be caused by either bacteria or a virus and there are some things that can lead to an increased susceptibility to infection in the ear. These include smoking, inflamed adenoids, colds and sinus infections. There is also a condition called swimmer's ear which is caused by residual water in the ear, which helps bacteria to grow.

Depending on the type of infection a range of treatments may be prescribed by your doctor. Ear drops are a common solution to swimmer's ear. If you smoke, then you will be asked to stop. Antibiotics can also help if it is a bacterial infection.

You can prevent further infection by keeping your ears dry and away from infection carriers such as your fingers. It is essential to keep your ears as clean as possible. It is also important to remember that cotton buds should not be inserted into the ear canal. They are just for clearing the outer folds of the ear. By inserting them into the canal, you can introduce bacteria that will then develop into a full blown ear infection.

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There is also a risk that inserting them too far may puncture the ear drum leading to lasting damage.  Don't do it!

Hearing Loss

Hearing loss is something that many of us expect to experience with age. However, it can occur for a number of reasons at any time in our lives.

There are two main types  - conductive hearing loss and sensorineural hearing loss. There is also a third which is a combination of the two.

Conductive hearing loss is caused by damage to the ear, so the sound waves are not passed to the inner ear effectively. This can be due to a blockage, a tumor or a build-up of wax.

Sensorineural hearing loss is the type most seen as we age, and is due to the destruction of the tiny hairs in the ear drum that pick up and amplify sounds. It can also be caused by trauma such as a very loud noise like an explosion.

Before hearing loss can be treated effectively, it needs to be identified and classified by a health professional. This is because there could be a number of underlying reasons why your hearing is deteriorating. Without knowing what the causes are, treatment is unlikely to be successful.

It could be that the sufferer has a perforated eardrum, Meniere's disease or meningitis. There is even a condition where skin clumps in the ear and effects hearing called cholesteatoma.

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Each cause will need to be looked individually and treated appropriately. Some people can benefit from a hearing aid, especially if they have Sensorineural hearing loss. Others will need surgery, and some may need to find a way to cope with the loss of their hearing to continue to lead happy lives.

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