Expert advice for supporting people in their senior years

I've written a lot lately about how best to care for our loved ones in their later years. We all know that old age brings with it great wisdom and experience, but it can also encroach on people’s much valued independence.

I've come across these great tips from Betterlife from LloydsPharmacy Independent Living Expert, Michael Sandland, who has some great advice about how best to help your loved ones remain independent in their senior years.

Encourage older people to stay socially connected

As social beings, it’s important to stay socially engaged to help avoid isolation, and this rings especially true for those in their advanced years. Building and maintaining relationships is important for mental wellbeing and has also been shown to aid physical wellbeing.

There’s some easy ways to encourage older people to stay social. For example, introducing a hobby such as yoga is a sociable way to stay fit or keeping in touch via FaceTime is more interesting than a simple phone call. Attending classes means your loved one will quickly make friends and have a routine social engagement. Alternatively, volunteering in local charity shops can be a great way for relatives to socialise with people from all walks of life.

Getting out and about for everyday tasks

Whilst internet shopping can put your mind at ease when considering older relatives during the cold and icy winter months, wherever possible it’s best to encourage your loved ones to get out and about. Popping to the shops for a pint of milk, going on the hunt for a family birthday present or dropping into the bank, going to the shops is an important part of staying active. Completing such tasks can be a challenge for those who struggle with mobility so it can be a good idea to recommend a mobility scooter. These can be a good solution to reduce strain and ensure users get to their destination comfortably. Check out the full range here: http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/browse/mobility-scooters/

Support your elders in adapting their home 

As people grow older their home needs to adapt to ensure it remains safe and accessible. Indeed, one thing you will often hear older people say is that they don’t want to move into a care home and independence can be prolonged with clever technology and living solutions. For example, specialised adjustable beds, jar openers and big button telephones can do wonders for keeping people independent in their own home. Try visiting the Betterlife website for at home living solutions: http://www.betterlifehealthcare.com/

Staying fit and keeping minds active

Physical and mental agility is crucial to staying independent and there’s lots of ways to keep the mind and body fit as older people age. Whether it’s a daily Sudoku or watching Countdown with your loved ones, all these mind gym activities help to keep the brain sharp. Exercise classes for older people can be found at most town halls or local gyms to stay active.

Be mindful when offering support 

Providing assistance for older people comes naturally to carers but it’s important to frame the offer in the right way. Whether it’s helping older people navigate the internet or offering support with physical tasks, there are lots of ways you can make a difference to someone’s life. However it can be tough for elderly people to accept help after years of independence. When offering assistance avoid dictating and frame the support in a positive way. For example, if you are concerned about an elderly relative driving a car, maybe suggest they invest in a mobility scooter which is road legal. This will ensure they keep their independence and remain safe.

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Parenting 101: Ways to Encourage Your Children To Be More Physically Active

Being a parent is a big responsibility. Our children look to us for everything. There are the physical needs that we can provide them with, like food, clothing, and a warm place to live. We need to remember to take care of their psychological needs too. It can be hard to get the balance right sometimes, as we are all busy people.

One thing that is important for our children is our example. It can be hard to tell them not to smoke or not swear if they are things that we do. I find one of the hardest can be to get our children as physically active as they should be. How often are we telling them to get outside and play, when we ourselves are sat at the computer? Getting the right amount of exercise is important for us all, though. So how can we get our families to be more active?

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Choose Appropriate Activities

If you go in all guns blazing and choose something for your child to do that isn’t suited for their age, it will put them off. If they find it too hard, as they aren’t physically able to do certain aspects, then it will knock their confidence. So don’t just book your family in for a fun run straight away. Build up to something like that, with activities like football or swimming.

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Think About Rewards

A lot of our children are going to respond well to getting a reward for taking part. It can help with positive reinforcement; encouraging them to repeat that same behaviour. So if it is appropriate, then think about a reward that might work for them. It could be just a nice treat afterward. You might even think that they’d respond well to trophies plus medals for doing well. So just think about your kids and what they’d like the most.

Get the Right Equipment

If you want to make the active time more fun, then having the right equipment is key. You could set them up with a little circuit to go around. But if there isn’t a skipping rope or a football to use at different stations, then what is the point? Getting a few basic things in will help lots. How about a football, skipping rope, a few cones and a hula hoop for starters? All of those things can be used in a variety of ways, for various ages of children.

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Get Involved Yourself

We are all busy and time is precious. But if you are able to get involved with them, it will encourage them so much more. Going out for bike rides as a family is a lovely thing to do, as well as walks or hikes. Even just a kick about in the garden is precious time altogether. So as tempting as it can be just to tell them to go and play, it is much better if we can get involved with them.

Are there any particular activities that your family likes to do all together?

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The Versatile Men's Work Shirt - From Hawes & Curtis

How versatile is the work shirt?  The Husband has a wardrobe full of corporate shirts in a variety of colours and stripes but they are worn on Monday - Friday only which, when you think about it, is a bit of a waste in terms of getting value for money from them.

We were recently introduced to Hawes & Curtis, a British clothing company for men and women with 25 stores in the UK and an online store.

Established in 1913, the company specialises in quintessentially British menswear and womenswear ranges, with stylish, good quality, value for money shirts, suits and accessories with over 100 years of heritage behind them.

They challenged us to prove that the humble shirt is a truly versatile garment and the Husband volunteered himself for the task.

The Husband's work takes him all around the world and he's a stickler for quality shirts that are comfortable to wear but look the part in the boardroom.  But it also makes a change when he dons a shirt for one of our infrequent date nights or, more often these days, a family meal with Caitlin and Ieuan.

I think shirts do tend to get overlooked in favour of polo shirts and tees for men at the weekend and in the evenings, but a well cut and laundered shirt can make an outfit look more expensive and also have a slimming effect.

We were offered a shirt to try and the husband chose the Curtis White Slim Fit Shirt With Contrast Detail (£34.50).

Our shirt arrived immaculately packaged in a box bearing the brand's cool blue and grey corporate colours.

I liked that the collar came with a collar protector to keep its shape.

I loved the quirky red detail - little flashes of colour around the neck and the cuffs. Ties aren't worn quite so much these days in meetings so it's a great way of adding some extra interest to a suit and making it look a little younger and fresher.
 

We found the shirt to be true to size with enough room under the arms and with sufficient length in both the arms and the body. Comfort is really important when your working day is as long as Mat's tend to be.

And the shirt works just as well when worn casually.  Caitlin and Ieuan promised faithfully not to approach it with their chocolate ice-cream!

Time to start experimenting with the Husband's other shirts, although there are some pretty funky designs on the Hawes & Curtis website.  I think my chances of getting Mat in anything floral are a bit slim though.  I might have a look for myself.

You can buy Hawes & Curtis shirts separately at a very reasonable price or save even more if you buy 4 for £100 - the retail offer which most of the menswear stores seem to offer. The shirt we chose costs £34.50 when bought singly or £25 as part of the offer.

For more information visit Hawes & Curtis online or you can find a list of their stores here.

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Is It Time To Start Looking After Your Parents?

One of the most distressing problems that come with old age is losing your independence. For those that are in their senior years, it’s difficult when life gets a bit too much to handle. Perhaps you have elderly parents who are now less mobile. It’s hard to acknowledge that those sprightly figures that taught you how to ride without stabilisers may now be a little rocky on their path. How do you know when it’s time to start looking after your parents?

A Change In Mood 

Old-age can be a big downer as aches and pains kick in, and nap times become more frequent. Perhaps their flexibility has now depleted. Their energy levels may be waning and you find they’re sleeping more. These old-age signs are perfectly normal, but if their mood also starts to change, it may be a warning sign. They might become reclusive. Or they may seem more grumpy every day. If their mood is low, they may be feeling isolated, lonely or worthless. Try and boost their mood by inviting them for regular dinners and including them in activities with the children. Suggest new hobbies such as chess or tai chi. Make sure they are eating healthily and taking low impact exercise classes if they can.

Image credit: Pixabay

Losing Their Appetite

If you notice that your elderly relatives have lost their appetite, this can be a warning sign of underlying health problems. Our appetite does reduce as we reach old age, but if there are worrying signs, consider something may be wrong. There could be dental issues or indigestion problems. It may be down to the fact that they have lost motivation to cook. Or perhaps they just don’t have the energy to do so anymore.

Falling Over & Vision Loss

Life expectancy has increased, and we are living longer. But elderly people are still affected by arthritis and osteoporosis. As bones become weaker, falls are more likely. If you have a parent that lives alone, you may be worried about falls. Bones break more easily the older we get, and the knock-on effects of this can be dangerous to those in senior life. Macular degeneration is a common problem for those in later life. It can cause blurry vision and the inability to recognise faces. It can be a terrifying time for your parents. Bone density loss and eyesight should be checked regularly. Earlier this year I wrote a post about my elderly Mum and on waiting for an ambulance. It was a frightening time and one that warrants thinking more about the care of our elderly parents.

Memory Loss

One of the scariest parts of getting older is the worry that you may lose your memory. We all forget things from time-to-time, even names of family members, or where why we walked into a room. But if your parents are forgetting recent events, or are not thinking clearly, it’s another worrying sign. By 2025 it’s stated that there will be 1 million people with dementia in the UK, and it’s a progressive disease. If you are worried about a parent, make an appointment at the doctors straight away.

Decrease In Personal Care 

If you are noticing that your parents aren’t taking care of their personal hygiene or the way they keep their home, it’s a red flag. It could be a sign that they need more help that they want to ask for. Their health may be ailing, and they may not have the energy or confidence to take care of the house anymore. Check the kitchen and bathroom for signs of lack of care. As distressing as it is it may be time to consider moving your parents/parent into your home. And if that is not possible, or if you have a fight on your hands, it could be time to consider a 24 hr Live In Care Agency. Care agencies specialise in helping the elderly to have a rewarding life in their home, safe in the knowledge that care is on hand day and night.

Image credit: Flickr

We are all scared of getting older, losing our mobility and losing our independence. When our lives are so busy, sometimes we forget what is happening to others. But there are ways to keep elderly parents feeling wanted and respected. You just need to make sure you are aware of impending problems and find solutions that work for everyone.

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I'm Studying At Home Online With NCC Resources

As a busy mum there are times when I really miss having something to challenge my brain. Many women like me are at home wondering what they can do to get back into the workplace and how they could combine getting another qualification with childcare.  Even taking a course to further a personal interest can be a challenge.  We all know that childcare is expensive and most of us are not only cash poor but time poor as well.

Established for almost 20 years, NCC Resources offer a wide range of great value online study programmes which allow you to gain a professional qualification and even sit your exam online.

They are the leading provider of training and education for business in the UK, catering to the care, sales, general business, customer service and hospitality sectors.  Their materials have been authored by the leading academics within the subjects and were developed for delivery in conjunction with colleges and recognised awarding bodies

They offer a wide range of study topics such as Teaching Assistant, Childcare & Early Learning, Beauty Courses (e.g. nail art), Business Management and Psychology.

Then there is also a great selection of personal interest type courses such as Neuro Linguistics, Criminology, History and Languages.

I was recently invited to choose a study course to experience just how easy online learning can be and I chose to study their Creative Writing Course as my dream (like many people!) is to write a crime novel to rival my all time literary heroine, Agatha Christie.

Each course is clearly divided into easy to understand modules which are written in plain English.

To give you an idea how comprehensive my course is, the various modules include

Module 1: Creative writing and you
Module 2: Exploring different texts and genres
Module 3: Starting to write
Module 4: The short story
Module 5: Poetry
Module 6: Writing for radio
Module 7: The novel
Module 8: Life writing
Module 9: Writing for children
Module 10: Non-fiction writing
Module 11: Scriptwriting
Module 12: The editing process
Module 13: Getting published
Module 14: Being a writer

This particular course is one that you work through at your own pace and once you have worked your way through the online course materials, you then complete a multiple choice question and answer exam.

You can resit this as many times as you like at no extra cost.

There are no entry requirements or previous knowledge required to start this course. All learners will receive a level 3 NCC Certificate in Creative Writing upon completion.

The cost of this particular course is £220 which works out at just over £15 per module which I think is very reasonable.  There are no extra costs such as transport, course materials or childcare either.

I'll be updating you about my progress and I might even share a couple of excerpts of my masterpieces!

You can find a course that suits you at www.ncchomelearning.co.uk.

Now that the new academic year is about to begin, it's a great opportunity for us parents to focus on whether we would like to go back to school too!

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Win A Good Clean Summer Pack From Astonish Cleaners

Summer is, ideally, a time when we all spend more time out of doors. Even the rain doesn't stop some of us - which is just as well if you're planning a holiday in the UK.

Not what I meant by helping me with the housework

I find that the washing pile tends to grow drastically at this time of year, as do those stains it's hardest to shift like grass, chocolate and blackcurrant.

Caitlin and Ieuan are currently playing 'spies' which means much rolling around undercover cop style and much mud.

To help make the laundry a little easier, as well as add some summer sparkle to the rest of the house, Astonish has put together a "Good Clean Summer" pack for one lucky winner.

There's Astonish’s Oxy Plus Stain Remover for a start. You can tackle your soiled laundry confident that stains and grime will be banished. Then there's Astonish Oven & Cookware Cleaner which not only tackles the darkest recesses of your oven but can also be used to bring your garden furniture back to pristine white. The Pro Grease Lifter Tablets can be used to spruce up the barbecue.  

Astonish's Good Clean Summer Pack also contains the Stain Remover Target Spray, Fabric Refresher and Clean and Protect Hand wash.

To help you with your everyday housecleaning, there's the Daily Shower Cleaner, 4 in 1 Disinfectant Spray, Window and Glass Cleaner, All in 1 Dishwasher Tablets, Fresh Sea Mist Floor Cleaner and the Dustbuster.

That's quite some prize!

I'm already a fan of Astonish's "The Oven and Cookwear Cleaner" and I found that the Fabric Refresher has a light refreshing scent whilst the Daily Shower Cleaner is a great help because you can just spray it and leave it until the next shower.  The Window & Glass Cleaner is fabulous for removing the handwriting practice left across the bathroom mirror and secret messages left in lipstick.

I don't really let them play with household cleaning products - in case you're wondering ........

For more details about Astonish and its range of British manufactured cleaning products please visit www.astonishcleaners.co.uk or visit them on Facebook.

The Astonish Good Clean Summer Pack contains the following:-

• Oxy Plus Stain Remover 

• Stain Remover Target Spray
• Fabric Refresher
• Clean and Protect Hand wash
• Grease Lifter Tablets • Daily Shower Cleaner
• 4 in 1 Disinfectant Spray
• Window and Glass Cleaner
• Fresh Sea Mist Floor Cleaner
• All in 1 Dishwasher Tablets
• DustBuster

Entry is via the Rafflecopter widget and the usual terms and conditions apply (available on my competitions page).  UK entrants only.  The giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Wednesday 31 August.

Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Win A LeapFrog LeapReader™ - The Interactive Learn To Read & Write System For Children

School may be out for summer but spending more time with our kids is an excellent opportunity to help them progress with their reading and writing - and a great way to give them a head start for next term's academic work.

Many of you will be familiar with LeapFrog, the multi-award winning educational toy brand.  The company is a leading designer and developer of innovative, technology-based educational products - which are both child and parent friendly!

LeapFrog is 100% focused on developing products to provide the most engaging, effective learning experience - for all ages, in school or home and around the world.

And they have just launched a new product, the LeapReader™ which is ideal for helping children learn to read, write and practice their listening comprehension skills.

Aimed at the 4-8 year age group and retailing around £39.99, the LeapReader™ engages children in imaginative stories with lively character voices while building vocabulary skills and growing reading comprehension skills.

Easy to use, your child simply touches the pen to LeapReader™ books to hear the words read aloud and sound out the words, or they can use the special no- mess paper to practise letters, numbers and words with stroke-by-stroke guidance to help with their handwriting on mess-free, no ink LeapFrog® Learning Paper..

LeapReader™ even plays vocabulary building games and has fun character voices, sound effects and activities to help with comprehension skills.

You can also buy over 40 educator approved books, apps and activity sets, including some of your children’s favourite characters, like Nemo and the cast of Cars to keep your child interested and involved at every reading stage.

Included in the kit are a LeapReader™ Reading and Writing System, an activity sampler book, one Learning Paper writing sheet plus free downloads of one Audio Book Bundle, one Music Album and one Trivia Fun pack.

You can find further information about LeapReader™ at www.leapfrogstore.co.uk/LeapReader and I have one LeapReader™ to give away.

Entry is via the Rafflecopter below.  UK entrants only and terms & conditions apply (viewable on my competitions page).  The giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Sunday 28 August.

Good luck!


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Win A Family Ticket To Monster Jam® in Cardiff on 3 September

I previously posted here about the full throttle fun event, Monster Jam® which is back for its only UK date on the 3rd September at the Principality Stadium in Cardiff and tickets are already on sale.

And I have a real treat for Monster Jam®  fans - a family ticket to give away.  Scroll down for the details.

You can expect full throttle family fun from the creative team at Feld Entertainment Inc. who have put together arena spectaculars such as "Disney on Ice" and, coming soon, "Marvel Universe LIVE!"

Monster Jam is the most action-packed live event on four wheels to hit the UK and will see World class drivers compete in both Monster Jam truck racing and freestyle competitions.

Combining high octane entertainment with the ultimate off-road motorsport competition, you'll be left on the edge of your seat by the jaw dropping displays.

This year's Monster Jam® promises the best truck line-up every assembled and will feature 12 of the World's most famous Monster Jam trucks (including Monster Jam World Finals® champions Grave(Digger® and Max DTM).

The spectacular takes place on specially designed tracks that optimise mobility so that the most recognisable trucks in the World can go head to head in wheelies, donuts, obstacle course racing and freestyle competitions that will push the Monster Jam trucks to their limits.

A Great Day Out

Monster Jam is also known for its pre-show "Party in the Pits" which gives the crowd unprecedented access to the stars of the show.  We are looking forward to meeting some of the drivers and getting up close to the Monster Jam trucks.

Tickets

You can purchase tickets through www.monsterjam.co.uk or via Ticketmaster on 0844 847 2255. Find out more on the Monster Jam Facebook page.

The Giveaway

The prize on offer is 1 seated family ticket and 2 of these cute toy trucks.

The family ticket admits four people and is only valid on the 3rd September at the Principality Stadium in Cardiff.  Please note that the ticket is non-transferable.

Entry is via the Rafflecopter widget below.  Please see my Competitions Page for full terms and conditions. The giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Friday 26th August.  UK entrants only.  Good luck!

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New Releases, Free & Bargain Books Link-up 5 August 2016

How are you all this week?  It's a mad panic now to start packing and I'm full on 'list-making' mode trying to anticipate every single medical emergency which could possibly arise during a week in Devon.

The Husband, needless to say, is completely chilled about the whole thing and has adopted his usual mantra of "they have shops in Devon".  Lord only knows what I'll be like when we eventually make it abroad.

The Daily Mail has cheerily announced that it may be one of the wettest Augusts on record so you may find you've plenty of time to catch up on your reading.

As usual, there's plenty of books to choose from on the link-up and don't forget you can also add your own.

Sharing the Love of Books
Enjoy our selection of New Releases / Free & Bargain Books this week

Authors please feel free to add your own books
Readers please free to add your own finds
(any genre except erotica welcome)

This weekly link up is hosted by Beck Valley Books & these awesome book loving blogs...
Monday
 Life as Leels | IrishdaisylovesRomance | Book Babble | All Romance Reader
Tuesday
It's My Side of Life | Celticlady's Reviews | First Time Mommy Adventures 
Wednesday
Beck Valley Books | Cinnamon Hollow Reviews
Thursday
Miki's Hope | Nicki's Nook
Friday
Ebook Addicts | I Love Romance | Mother Distracted | Colorimetry | The Ultimate Fan Blog
Saturday
Totally Addicted to Reading | 3 Partners in Shopping | Angie's Angle | I Create Purty Thangs | Wishful Endings
Sunday
Lynchburg Mama | LibriAmoriMiei | Ali - The Dragon Slayer | Wondermom Wannabe | Deal Sharing Aunt | Rambling Reviews 

For Pre-orders post - PRE-ORDER / genre / title /author

For New Releases post - NEW / genre / title / author

For Free Books post - FREE / genre / title / author / end date 

For Bargain Books post - SALE / price / genre / title / author / end date
(Strictly no Erotica please.  Steamy romance is fine but watch those covers people, incase any underage child is viewing it!)

Click here for this weeks awesome selection!

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Relationship Dilemmas - What Was I Asked In Week 31?

I spend a lot of time responding to the questions I am asked about dating & relationships and I'm not shy about sharing my thoughts. If you would like any advice, feel free to message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post.  I promise to be gentle.

Here's just some of the questions I've been asked this week.

Q: Why would an ex avoid all kind of contact even years after the break up? This includes: avoiding to come to common friends meetings, avoid looking in the general direction I’m standing etc?

A: It depends on why you broke up. 

If you were unfaithful or unkind then it’s understandable that your ex may not forgive you. 

Some people take a very long time to forgive - if at all and if it was something really bad you may have to resign yourself to being ignored by this person for ever. 

It’s a little less understandable if they left you. Possibly they may feel guilty or even be unable to admit that they really want you back - but after years I think they would probably have made some effort to reach out to you by now. 

I’m sure that if they are behaving like this towards you your friends have noticed. What do they think? Does anyone say anything? This must be quite embarrassing for everyone not just you and arguably your ex is making themselves look a little daft by what lots of people would consider quite immature behaviour. 

You could avoid contact and try to see your friends separately. Or, if you are brave enough confront your ex about their behaviour and see if you can at least repair some level of friendship and find out what’s going on. 

Be aware though that this might risk opening the whole matter up again so if it was you who was the guilty party, I’d suggest letting sleeping dogs lie lest you give false hope.

Q: Why hasn't my ex boyfriend taken all of his stuff from our apartment weeks after our break up?

A: Are you secretly hoping he will come back? 

It may just be that he hasn’t got around to it or needs to arrange a van hire (or similar) to transport his stuff. 

He would probably rather take his things when you are not there which means having to talk to you to arrange that. You don’t say who was responsible for the break-up but it sounds like there is certainly either hurt or bad feeling on his side. 

If there are just one or two things, he may have just written them off and have no intention of picking them up. 

If there is lots of things then contact him and ask him to remove his things within a deadline or you’ll assume he doesn’t want them and they’ll go to charity. 

If you want him back, then your best hope is to arrange to be there when he turns up and see if you can talk. 

It is possible that he has left stuff with you because he can’t quite bear the final separation but the only way you will find this out is to talk to him.


Q: Regarding a relationship between a man and a woman - when does a woman starts to be considered as desperate?


I am a 28 year old woman. When I fall in love - it’s to the fullest. However, when I really start to care, I start to think I’m not good enough and that I have to do more for the other half. I finally am with a guy I liked for a couple of years. It was great at the beginning. Now I feel insecure…

A: My advice to you would be to stop analysing your relationships. A relationship is not a science project or a maths equation. 

Very often one partner loves more than the other, or does more than the other but it still works. You don’t have to try so hard. 

Feeling insecure is normal. It comes with that emotion we call love. If we didn’t love, we wouldn’t worry about loss. You can’t have one without the other and at 28 you are old enough to understand that. 

Concentrate on yourself a bit more. Build up your self confidence. The world does not revolve around men, or being in a relationship, getting married or having kids. 

If you can focus on making yourself a strong, independent woman with whom any man would be honored to have a relationships you’ll be on the right track. 

Take the word desperation out of your vocabulary. Nobody is really ‘desperate’. We all just want to be loved. 

If this is the right guy for you, he’ll understand if you tell him you’re feeling a bit down and need a hug. 

And don’t forget your female friends. When we’re feeling down, having a network of supportive women friends can do more for our confidence than relying on the opinion of just one man. 

Q: We've been friends for a while, she showed mutual interest but she says she's says that she doesn't want a man in her life right now. What do I do?

I actually haven’t seen her in about 2 months, but I will when I go back to school. I haven’t gone out of my way to talk but recently, she’s been initiating conversations. Why is it that when I make plans, she agrees to them almost all of the time? I’m very confused.

A: There’s a difference between wanting to have a male friend and a boyfriend. 

There are also some women who like the reassurance of knowing that someone finds them attractive, even though they don’t really want to be in a relationship with them. 

The fact that two months have passed since you saw her last suggest that the latter is closer to the truth. 

You say she initiates conversations - about what? I take it you are pleasant and respond. What do you mean when you say you ‘make plans’ - are you still asking her out on a date when she has told you clearly that she doesn’t want a man in her life right now? 

I think this girl enjoys your attentions but is not interested enough to go out on a date so I would stop focusing on her and find a girl who is interested. 

It sounds as if she is playing games with you - and you, to be quite honest, are letting her.

Q: Why do boyfriends always like to tickle us?

I've dated a number of guys and nearly half of them really liked tickling me, especially my feet. Is this something about guys or maybe a cultural thing in the US? I probably started it with my boyfriend. I started it by tickling his feet.

A: This is a new one on me! 

I think it is more to do with the kind of men you are attracting - many of whom seem to have a thing about feet. 

Perhaps you have a really infectious giggle and the easiest way to make you laugh is to tickle your feet? 

You freely admit that you started it with your boyfriend and perhaps he interprets it as a kind of foreplay? 

Anyway, it’s certainly not a cultural thing I’m aware of - but if you enjoy it and it’s not hurting anybody then carry on I say. 

Q: How can I get back together with my girl after she left me for a senior in my college?

We were great together in the first year, but she started to drift away from me in the second year. She started going out with this senior and would not even tell me about him. I want to get back the same spark with her.

Short answer. Unless she wants to come back to you, you can’t and would you really want to be responsible for breaking up her current relationship? 

Sometimes we really want to be with people because we can’t have them whereas if they did come back we may wonder what all the fuss was about. 

Once a spark is gone, it is very difficult to get it back and, hard though it is to accept, your ex girlfriend has moved on. 

I get the feeling you are even more hurt because she chose a ‘senior’. 

Why not concentrate on finding a new girlfriend and trying to act with the same level of maturity that your ex found attractive in her new guy? By that I mean, move on, find someone new and don’t try to break up her new relationship. 

You could tell her that you miss her and want her back and see what she says but if you do, you’ll have her current boyfriend to deal with. 

Unless she has given any indication that she wants to come back, it’s time to move on - particularly since she was unfaithful to you behind your back. 

Aren’t you worth more than that? 

Q: Do women really like funny guys when they say they like them? 

In many dating apps, I see women saying “I like when a man makes me laugh”. I have two questions. Firstly, are men supposed to be funny? Is this our role in a relationship - to make a girl laugh? Secondly, I see many amazing women with mad men. Men that they insult them and maybe even hit them. But women love them. why?

A: Firstly, yes we do like men who make us laugh but that is a tiny part of the equation. 

Truth is it’s a mystery why some couples are attracted to one another but we try to analyse the factors that seem to work and humour does seem to be one. 

Of course a man’s role isn’t to make a girl laugh - it’s an advantage if he can. No woman wants to spend her time with a guy who is entirely serious and who can never see the funny side of things. Worse is if a man cannot laugh at himself. 

On dating apps it is impossible to say exactly what we want in a relationship because most of us don’t know ourselves - so we pick on humour as one that ticks at least one of the boxes. 

As to why women stay with men who hit them, that is an entirely different issue and the psychology of domestic violence (which is what we are basically talking about) is not something that can be distilled into one or two sentences. And it’s not just women who are the victims of domestic violence either so I’m not sure it’s a gender specific issue. 

Personally I would never stay with a man who insulted or mistreated me but the women who do may well love their partners and hope against hope that they may one day change. 

Again, it is not easy to say why we love who we love. All you can do is concentrate on being you and find someone who appreciates your unique qualities - but try to see the funny side occasionally. 

Q: How can I make a girl be sure that she likes me?

A: How can you make a girl know for sure that she likes you? 

A better question is how can I make myself as attractive as possible to a girl? 

It really is quite simple. Be a nice, kind, attentive person who listens and shows respect. Be faithful and honest. 

Be willing to compromise. 

In terms of personal appearance, be clean, dress as well as you can and make sure your manners are impeccable. 

Other than that, you cannot control her feelings. If she doesn’t not find you attractive, then you just have to shrug your shoulders and move on. You cannot make someone love you. 

It may not even be personal. Some people have a ‘type’ or want certain things. 

What about you? How will you know when you have met the right girl for you? 

That’s an even better question.

How would you have responded to these questions? I'd love to know.

More dating advice on my problem page.

All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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Keeping Your Home Clean When You Have Pets

I really miss having a cat.  My last cat, Samson, was a beautiful black and white tom cat I got from a rescue home.  He had been badly treated and would only use a litter tray.  The outside was of no interest to him whatsoever.

Now, of course, we have kids and they would both love to have a pet.  There is, of course, a common notion that having pets makes it harder to keep your home clean and tidy, which is why a lot of parents aren’t willing to have them. (Other issues are cost, medical bills and what to do with your pet when you go on holiday).

The question is can you have pets and a clean, germ-free home? Or, does having a dog, cat, or gerbil or even a more exotic pet like a snake, mean that your home will be more difficult to keep clean?

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Pets do make mess and spread germs 

The truth is, pets do make a mess and spread germs, especially outdoor pets. An indoor cat is much less likely to spread germs than an outdoor cat because he or she isn’t exposed to outdoor germs, such as those found in the dirt. However, just because pets can spread germs, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

A lot of parents keep their homes in sterile like conditions, which means that children have little to no immunity. To be healthy, kids need to come into contact with germs. This is what helps them build a stronger defense against certain illnesses and conditions. Having a pet is the perfect way to do this.

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Proper pet care can create cleaner pets 

The number one reason pets smell is because they aren’t being looked after properly. The truth is a pet that’s well cared for should never smell or be dirty.

Say, for instance, you have a gerbil, the only time it would smell would be if it’s cage wasn’t being cleaned regularly enough. Or, let’s say you have a dog that’s getting older, he or she may start having accidents in the house, causing your home to smell. However, with proper care and the use of Propalin Syrup for dogs, these types of accidents can be prevented.

A lot of parents worry about pets carrying fleas or ticks. However, if you flea and worm your pets regularly - once a month, this won’t be an issue.

All healthy cats are self-cleaning, so should never smell. If a cat starts to smell, this is because they’re unwell and unable to clean themselves, in which case a visit to the vets is needed.

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Regular cleaning can prevent problems

While pets do carry germs and dirt, as long as you clean your home regularly there shouldn’t be a problem. Simply by vacuuming your home once every couple of days and cleaning the floors with a steam cleaner, you can remove all dirt from it.

As long as you keep on top of the cleaning in your home, there shouldn’t be any problem with a pet making it dirty or messy.

Well, unless you have a dog that likes to destroy things, that is. In this case, while you’re unable to supervise your pup, it’s best to put him or her in a room where there’s nothing he or she can destroy.

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The answer is yes, it is possible to have a clean home when you have pets. Don’t let the fact that pets carry germs put you off of having one. As, if you care for your pets properly, and clean your home regularly, there should be no problem.

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Getting My Garden In Shape For Autumn

Compact and bijou though it may be, there's no denying that our garden is looking a little unkempt at the moment.

Since the weather has been so atrocious we have not put up the jumbo paddling pool and consequently, still have a lawn - although it's very patchy.

I have quite a few jobs to get stuck into.

Prune The Palm Tree

I actually won this palm tree in a competition and it's never really taken.  Our garden was dramatically levelled by the previous owners for some reason.  The original top soil was removed and replaced by a sort of perimeter planting bed which is neither particularly deep nor all that easy to maintain. I don't think the soil is deep enough for the palm tree.

I'm going to have to research 'palm tree care'.  Our neighbour across the road has one in his front garden which is thriving so I can't blame the Welsh weather!

Cut back the Fuchsia

There are far too many Fuchsia bushes in the garden and whilst I love the cheerful purple flowers, they tend to swamp everything around them.

Free the gnomes

I realise that is not a sentence Alan Titchmarsh utters very often but you can barely see any of my garden ornaments!

although in a way I rather like the wildness of the garden.

 The statues were bought from Costco and I am resisting the urge to buy a Buddha.  We were mulling over a water feature but given the state of the rest of the garden, it's probably wiser to concentrate on getting it into a more maintainable state.

Edge the lawn

Leaving aside the patio also needs a good blasting with the jet wash, I'm thinking of getting some plastic lawn edging to neaten things up a bit.

Clean and cover the garden furniture

We made the classic mistake of not buying covers for the garden furniture when we bought it a couple of years ago and this year I'm determined to clean it and cover it up for winter in case of frost damage.

Remove the "Hanging Baskets of Shame"

These were pre-filled baskets from Morrisons and I have to confess I just didn't get round to replacing them this year - probably because although you can pick them up quick cheaply, they're still quite an additional extra to your weekly shopping bill.

Weed the front drive

The Husband has tried numerous weed killers on the front drive but the little blighters refuse to die.  Whilst pulling them up by hand is vaguely therapeutic, it's an endless job.

Improve the kerb appeal

Does anyone remember watching "The House Doctor" starring Ann Maurice and the hapless Alistair (who now presents Escape to the Country I think, or a programme of that ilk). The programme was about getting your house presentable to sell. Ann's big thing was "kerb appeal". We clearly have work to do in this regard.

but, in our defence, we seem to have loads of Great Tits and House Martins who are very fond of these bushes and it seems a bit mean to denude their habitat.

As you can see, I've quite a bit of work to do.  Still I will get Caitlin and Ieuan away from their iPads for a bit, won't it!

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Sistema Bento Boxes - Lunch All Organised For Back To School

Ah.  The packed lunch.  The daily wrestle with cling film (never sticks) or tin foil (risk of severed finger). Happily, gone are the days when Ieuan's diet consisted of peanut butter and banana sandwiches.  Last week he ate some brocolli.  And actually swallowed it.

My two have school dinners (to compensate for my somewhat lacklustre ability in the kitchen) but from time to time they do have packed lunches and these usually consist of a plain sandwich, a packet of crisps, a piece of fruit and something chocolatey, flapjacky or liable to receive a Paddington Stare from Jamie Oliver.

The one item that I can never fit in is their favourite yoghurt or chopped fruit.

So we were mightily impressed by these lovely Sistema Bento Boxes that we were sent to try, along with two substantial sized and sturdy Davina Water Bottles, which hold 745ml.

The newly launched Sistema Bento Box includes a yoghurt pot, a moveable divider to keep wraps and sandwiches intact without any additional packaging and two smaller compartments for smaller pieces of fruit and snacks. The boxes come in pink, blue, green and purple.

The Davina Water Bottles features a unique Twist n Sip Spout, are leak proof and come in pink, blue, melon, purple and green.

Both products are BPA and Phthalate free, plus they are dishwasher safe (top shelf only).

The Sistema Bento Box costs £12.00 (available from John Lewis) and the Davina Water Bottles retail at £3.00.

The boxes hold a surprisingly large amount of food and the bottles are equally generous.  Now the kids are bigger some of the usual fruit squash brands in disposable bottles are just too small for a lengthy school trip. The yoghurt / snack pots hold a decent amount of yoghurt although you have to chop the fruit quite small if you want to include a fruit salad.

Cleaning is easy too, although I know that some plastic products do tend to fade quite substantially even if you are careful to place them in the top rack of the dishwasher.  So I've handwashed these to preserve their lovely bright colour for a bit longer.

All of the lids, flaps and dividers can be removed for a thorough clean. (The instructions for how to safely and effectively clean the Twist n Sip Spout can be found here).

We really liked these Sistema products.  They are bright, cheerful, sturdy and well made and the Bento Box really adds a much needed novelty element to a packed lunch.

Ieuan announced that "that was one of the best lunches I've had in a long time".  And I think he even ate some carrot.

You can view the full range at www.sistemaplastics.com.

I have 2 Sistema Bento Boxes and 2 Sistema Davina Water Bottles to give away  to one lucky winner.  Entry is via the Rafflecopter widget and the usual terms and conditions apply.  UK entrants only and the giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Tuesday 23rd August.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck!

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The Best Secrets Of Combating Parent Tiredness

It's no secret that having kids is tiring. However, parents do have plenty of secrets for how to combat that tiredness. If you're getting ready to have your first child, you're probably worrying about the lack of sleep. I bet just about everyone you talk to says something about enjoying your sleep while you still can! It can be pretty annoying having people remind you of your impending sleepless nights all the time. But if you learn some techniques to deal with the tiredness, you can be smug in the knowledge that you're going to be ok. You can't avoid the fatigue completely, but here are some ways it could help.

Get into a Routine ASAP

Sometimes this is easier said than done, but routines help immensely. It can take a bit longer for some babies and children to get into a routine than others. However, the main thing is that you try to keep up the routine on your end. Feed them, bathe them and play with them at the same times. Plan to do any housework or other jobs at consistent times too. It can be tricky with newborns, as they're very much on-demand when it comes to everything. But eventually, you will fall into a pattern that will make it easier for you to get some proper sleep.

Photo source:  Tina Franklin

Make Sleep a Priority

New parents are often told to sleep when their baby sleeps. However, many complain that when the baby is sleeping, they have too much to do. The key thing to remember is that sleeping should be a priority - even over doing the hoovering! If the dishes can stay in the sink for another hour, leave them there while you have a nap. You can try to allow yourself time to catch up on lost sleep too. If you're co-parenting, try letting each other have a lie-in on separate days at the weekend. You then each get a chance to get some extra sleep and to spend the morning with your baby.

Use a Pick-me-up

Sometimes a little something to perk you up can work wonders. Some parents turn to supplements, such as Wayk, which contains caffeine, vitamins, and minerals. If you're breastfeeding, you might be staying away from caffeine. However, anyone else could benefit from adding a supplement to their diet. You could use other little things to boost your mood and energy levels. It might be some peppermint tea, a piece of chocolate, or a quick shower.

Get Active

Moving around might be the last thing you want to do when you're tired. But being active can wake you up and stop you feeling sluggish. If you're feeling trapped in the house, pack up and get out in the fresh air. You might even enjoy a parent and baby exercise class or just a walk with some other parents. It will help you to wake up and make sure you have an awake and alert child too.

There's no way to avoid being tired completely when you're a parent. However, you can find ways to give yourself more energy and stay awake.

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Handbag & Mini Travel Essentials To Keep You Fresh And Cool At Work

When the temperature rises, it can become really unpleasant if you are commuting or stuck in traffic.  Then there are offices with no air conditioning or just running around after kids in the sunshine.

Looking hot and sweaty makes you look a little less than composed and just feels so darned uncomfortable but there are some handbag essentials that will help.

It can be a real challenge keeping cool in an office environment

Why not carry a zipped pouch which contains a selection of your favourite travel minis?  My absolute general handbag essentials are spare tights, bottled water and a powder compact but here are some other suggestions - some for your handbag and some to throw in your travel bag for an overnight trip or weekend away.

Wet Wipes

Probably everyone's first choice for a quick freshen up - underarms, back of the neck, even feet at a push!

You can choose the slightly more environmentally friendly route by opting to wipes like Naty Eco Wipes which are flushable and contain no nasties.  They're safe for baby too and are £2.65 from Big Green Smile.com.

Mini Dry Shampoo & Brush

Dry shampoo is great for quickly adding volume to lacklustre or greasy hair.  Batiste is an old favourite which seems to have reinvented itself of late.

Batiste from Superdrug - £1.50

Toothbrush, Toothpaste and Mints

 I carry a travel toothbrush, toothpaste and floss, plus some breath mints.

Nothing freshens you up faster than cleaning your teeth I find (although I am ever so slightly obsessed with my teeth)!.

I've recently discovered the Sonic Chic Urban Sonic Powered Toothbrush from Lifes2good (who also make the popular MicroPedi and MicroNail).  It's a small, lightweight brush with a handy hygiene cap that gives 22,000 strokes per minute.

There is a school of thought that says that a sonic toothbrush gives an even better clean than an electric toothbrush and the reviews I have read about this product certainly suggest that it is almost as effective as a Philips Sonicare brush which is pretty impressive for a travel toothbrush.

It comes with a replacement brush head and battery and you can choose from a variety of bright designs. There is even a deluxe version which can be charged by USB and is dual speed with a timer.

With this brush, the head does not rotate but instead it vibrates so you clean gently in the normal way while the brush does most of the work for you.

I've been wondering how to take my electric toothbrush on holiday and now that's one less thing to worry about.  Sonic Chic Urban toothbrushes are available at Boots for £20.

Antibacterial Hand Gel

I like to make sure my hands are clean after using public loos and antibacterial hand gels are great for ensuring your kids hands are kept germ free too.  There are loads on the market but the best ones don't smell too chemically and leave your hands nice and soft.

Body Shop Coconut Hand Cleanse Gel - £2.50

Travel Deodorant

I have used Mitchum deodorant for years because it really does last for 48 hours and I have not found an anti perspirant-deodorant that beats it - exams, presentations, interviews, heatwaves, it copes with the lot. If I'm travelling though I'll take a mini deodorant or body spray just to add a quick blast of freshness.

You can get a great selection of travel minis these days - these are my holiday haul and I found them (with the exception of the toothbrush ) on a 3 for 2 offer at Boots.  These were all bought in store and there seems to be a different, although quite large, selection at Boots.com.

They are:-

• OGX Coconut Water Shampoo 88.7 ml
• OGX Coconut Water Conditioner 88.7 ml
• Dove Deeply Nourishing Moisturing Body Wash 55 ml
• Simple Kind To Eyes Eye Make-Up Remover
• Sanctuary Spa Cleanse Moisture Burst Facial Wash
• Sanctuary Spa Radiance Illuminating Whipped Moisture Creme SPF15

Caitlin helped me choose these and they brought back memories of one of my best ever Christmas presents when I was a youngster - mum gave me a grown up toiletry bag filled with travel minis.  It was either that or Avon Little Peach toiletries!

Here are some other 'keep cool' tips to help you look groomed when the temperature rises at work.

* Choose cool fabrics like cotton that will help absorb sweat
* Try an unpadded bra to minimise heat around your chest
*  If it's really hot, keep your make-up in the fridge to help it last longer (and feel nicer when you apply it)
* Try a primer to help your make-up stay on longer
* If you can, start your journey to work a little earlier to make the most of the coolest part of the day
* Drink plenty of water and keep a bottle on your desk.
* Avoid big meals, although, conversely, eating chilli can have a cooling effect.
* You might find mint tea more refreshing than coffee.
* Don't schedule meetings for the hottest part of the day, particularly if you have to travel across town to get there.

For us mums it's important to remember that little ones (and bigger ones!) should avoid being out in the sun between 12 noon and 3 pm so, however, tempting the park and swings might be, staying in the cool and the shade will keep the kids calmer and more comfortable.

And everyone should be slapping on the sunscreen.

How do you keep cool are work?  Let me know in the comments below.

*pr samples were received for this post

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