4 Things Great Mums Do In Difficult Times

Sometimes you just have one of those days, don't you?  Days when you are permanently chasing your tail and nothing goes right.

You oversleep, you forget to pack a sandwich lunch for your child's school trip, there's no clean school uniform and you haven't got any change for the latest PTA demand.

It would be very easy to just go back to bed and pull the duvet over your head.

Everyone faces tough times in their lives

We are all guilty of being disorganized sometimes and find ourselves envying those organised mums who never seem to have a hair out of place and who radiate loving kindness to their kids and those around them.

But what about when family problems such as a relationship breakdown or illness threaten to overwhelm us? Or when we find debts mounting, or redundancy looming on the horizon?

What is it that great mothers do differently at times like these?  Can we learn anything from them?

1. They have a strong network of friends and family to help them.

Some of us find it really difficult to ask for help.  As parents we may also find ourselves prioritizing the kids' social lives over our own but this is a mistake.

Stay at home mums in particular need adult conversation and the chance to share their problems.

This can't really be done effectively via Facebook, although I have made some great friends this way. Nothing really replaces a good chat over a cup of coffee.

Takeaway tip:  make sure you keep in touch with your friends and family and don't be shy to ask for help.  Reach out to other mums, strike up a conversation and ask them on a 'mum date' for a coffee or drink.  You'll probably find they would welcome some company too.  When things go wrong you will find your mum friends are an invaluable source of support.

Tweet: Reach out to other mums, strike up a conversation and ask them on a 'mum date' for a coffee or drink. http://bit.ly/1RTvGR9 @lindahobbis 

2. They focus on solutions not problems.

Bad things happen to good people as the saying goes, but dwelling on things you cannot change will get you nowhere and make you feel worse.

Great mothers know how to prioritize and to focus their energies on the things that matter. The health, happiness and security of children will always be one of their primary concerns.

They also know where to turn for the best impartial advice - whether to a solicitor or Citizens' Advice Bureau for legal help, or to an organisation such as Relate for matrimonial and relationship advice.

There are times when an objective view is needed - and friends and family may often be too involved in a situation to give the best and clearest advice.

Takeaway tip:  recognize when you need professional advice and don't be reluctant to seek it out. There are many sources of free, or low cost advice and it is better to address a problem head-on than to let matters get worse, for example when debts are growing at an unmanageable rate. 

Tweet: Recognize when you need professional advice and don't be reluctant to seek it out. http://bit.ly/1RTvGR9 @lindahobbis

3.  They recognise that "this too shall pass"

No matter how bad things are now, great mothers hold on to the thought that everything changes and try to stay positive for their children.  Focusing on the good things in life is not always easy but if we try we can usually find the good in every day.  Teaching our children gratitude for the good things they have in their lives (even if that is just a mother who loves them to bits), is something that will help them to deal with their own problems later on in life.

Takeaway tip: no matter how 'twee' it sounds, focusing on the positive and writing a list of things you are truly grateful for will raise your spirits and may even show you a way to deal with the problems you face.  

Tweet: Focusing on the positive & writing a list of things you are truly grateful for will raise your spirits. http://bit.ly/1RTvGR9 @lindahobbis

4.  They practise self care.

Great mothers know that they have take care of themselves to be an effective carer for the children (and, these days, probably their parents too).  It is not selfish to take some regular time out for yourself, even if it is just for a long bubble bath or a coffee with a friend.  They make sure that they eat well and get enough sleep.

Takeaway tip:  looking after yourself need not cost a lot of money.  Ten minutes of mindful meditation, a brisk walk or even a brief nap will help calm you and clear your head to say can return to your problems with a fresh viewpoint.  

Tweet: Looking after yourself needn't cost.10 mins mindful meditation, a brisk walk or even a nap will help. http://bit.ly/1RTvGR9 @lindahobbis

We all have times in our lives when things do not go as we hoped or planned but we need to develop our own strategies for dealing with them so that we can look after ourselves, our children and our families.

Thanks for reading Mother Distracted.  I really appreciate your support and I'd love it if you could share this post across social media. If you’re new to Mother Distracted, why not join me on the Mother Distracted Facebook page, tweet me on @lindahobbis or follow me on Instagram.

For loads more parenting advice, just visit the parenting section of my blog.

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8 Things Great Parents Do Everyday

If you're anything like me, you never know whether you're doing the right thing raising your child, do you?  Parenting skills don't come naturally to many of us.

It's easy to spend time worrying about what you have, or haven't done and whether your children are truly happy.

Ieuan - The Messy Years!

But I think if you do some or all of the things that great parents do every day, you won't be going too far wrong.

They tell their children they love them

It doesn't matter what age you are, everyone needs to hear that they are loved, and loved unconditionally.  It is unfair to tell anyone that you would love them more if only they did this, or were like that (or cousin Elsie).

They read to their children

We know how important it is to read to our kids in order to improve their literacy and understanding of the world around them.  But the night-time bedtime story is a chance to snuggle up and forge strong emotional bonds that will last a life time.

They listen to their children

Really listening involves removing yourself from any distractions and focusing on the child in front of you who may be telling you about something that has shaken his or her world.  How upsetting to find that your mum or dad is more interested in checking their email on their phone whilst going "um, ah, oh," and not really paying attention.

They say NO.

We are not being great parents if we allow our kids to constantly indulge in habits that are harmful for their bodies and minds.  The occasionally sugary treat is only to be expected but constantly agreeing to sweets and chocolates because we don't want to be seen as "the bad guy" is not helping our children.

They set clear boundaries

Great parents tell their kids exactly what is expected of them and what is acceptable.  This may mean explaining that there are certain words or phrases we don't use, or that lashing out in anger is never acceptable.  Unless we have these conversations with our kids, we cannot expect them to make the best decision for others, and themselves.

They are excellent communicators

Great parents know that they have to find a way to communicate effectively with their children, and that the best way may vary from child to child.  NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) teaches us that everyone has a preferred communication style.  Some of us are 'visual' - we like pictures and diagrams.  Some of us prefer to listen - the sound of the words used is the most important thing.  And for some of us, a kind and loving touch is the most effective way to get the message across.  Who can deny the power of a cuddle?

They are not afraid to indulge their own 'inner child'

I always think great parents are the ones who know how to play and, no matter what age they are, can let their hair down and goof around with their kids.  On a recent visit to Raglan Castle in Monmouthshire with the kids, we spent at least an hour playing hide and seek - and it was hilarious.

They practise self care

Parenting is hard work and a never-ending task.  Great parents make sure they take time out to recharge their batteries and reconnect with their partners.  For single parents, time out with friends is incredibly valuable. As the saying goes, you have to apply the oxygen mask to yourself before you can help others.

Parenting is one of the toughest jobs there is, but if we take the time to step back and honestly appraise our efforts, most of us will see that we are doing a great job and quickly identify ways in which we can be an even better parent and improve our parenting skills.

For loads more parenting advice, visit my parenting page.

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