How To Finally Stick To Those New Year's Resolutions

If you're like me, you are likely to be one of the estimated 30% of the UK population who will make a New Year’s resolution of some kind by January 1st. That’s approx 12.4 billion people and nearly half of those self promises will relate to health and exercise - the most popular being to lose weight and get fit.

The problem is, stats show that over 500,000 of us who make New Year's resolutions will have broken them by the 2nd of January!

So why do we do it? Are our goals just totally unrealistic in the first place? Are we a nation of dreamers who think things will come easy to us?

The key lies in the way we make our resolutions. American self help author Melody Beattie says ‘The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.’

Nutritionist Zoe Martin at Discount Supplements advises that a great way to interpret this is to break our goals down into smaller, manageable steps so that we won't get discouraged and give up too easily.

Says Zoe, ‘If your goal is to lose 3 stone then break it down and make it more achievable. Set yourself a target weight to lose over the course of a month, and set smaller targets in between such as going to the gym twice a week or not eating takeaways. These small resolutions will change your behavior in the long term and can really feel like you are making progress, rather than think the challenge is just too great and giving up within days.’

Here are some more tips from Zoe you might like to use when setting your New Year's resolutions.

1. Be realistic

Be realistic about your resolutions. If you can actually see yourself achieving it then it is more likely that you will stick to it. 63% of people that start New Year’s resolutions fail within the first month so keep it realistic and don’t lie to yourself.

2. Make it measurable

It can be inspiring and fun to have an ambitious goal but if you can’t tell if you are getting closer to achieving it then you will fail. For example; you can’t exactly measure how happy you are but you can measure how many nice or good things you have done for others in the past week.

3. Never doubt yourself

While working towards your goal, you must always believe you can do it. If you doubt yourself, you will start to become complacent and will slowly give up. If you allow yourself to take a break even for a small period of time you will most likely never get back to working on achieving your goal.

Having a list up on the wall of what your goals are and how you plan to achieve them will help stop you from giving up. For example have it on the wall facing you when you wake up, it will keep it fresh in your mind so you won’t start to forget or doubt yourself.

4. Keep it short

This happens more often than you think, where people set themselves extremely long term goals that can be very difficult for many people to stick too. This is purely because the more time it takes to achieve the goal the more time you have to quit before you achieve it.

For example; it appears easier to stop drinking carbonated drinks for 6 weeks than trying to stop for an entire year.

5. Create small challenges

After you have been working towards your set goal, you can start to give yourself small challenges to keep you from slipping into laziness. It could be a simple challenge like adding an extra 5 minutes to your workout or not checking your social media accounts until the evening.

6. Get a friend involved

If you can have a friend trying to achieve the same goal will help keep both of you on track. This buddy system helps both of you as to not let each other down by giving up or putting it off.

Discount Supplement's Fitness adviser Luke Thornton has worked with Zoe to create a guide on sticking to your resolutions and meeting your goals which you can download here.

The most important step is setting up a cue to remind yourself of your resolution each day - for example leaving your running shoes by the back door - and of course you need to reward yourself (in a healthy way!) for committing to changing your habits.

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Top Tips for making it through ‘Dry January’

Every year I strongly consider becoming a "Dry Athlete" and giving up the booze for January.  After all, Dry January is the perfect way for your body and wallet to recover from an indulgent Christmas, not to mention New Year celebrations.

By giving up your old friend alcohol for a mere 31 days, you will save a few quid, lose a few pounds, and feel more energised and refreshed in the process. But for some people that’s not as easy as it sounds. January has five whole booze free weekends to get through.

If, like me, you're considering giving your liver a well-earned break, here are some very helpful tips from Tugend Demir, restaurant manager at The Arch London in Marylebone.

1. Don’t hibernate

The worst thing you can possibly do is to hole yourself up in your house and attempt to hibernate. Make it your mission to get up and make the most of your hangover free weekends and mornings. Plan activities you would never normally get round to at times you would never usually be up.

2. Ditch cocktails for detoxing mocktails

Don’t settle for plain old tap water when you go out. Drinking mocktails is a great way to get through dry January, as you are still treating yourself to a luxurious drink, minus the calories and headache the next morning. For example, at The Arch London you can try Seedlip, the world’s first distilled non-alcoholic spirit, which has zero calories and is sugar, sweetener and artificial flavour-free.

3. Know your numbers

Read it and weep. A Pina Colada cocktail with rum has 644 calories. That’s more than a Big Mac burger. A pint of larger has 180 calories – more than a small slice of chocolate cake. And a large glass of white wine is 185 calories – the equivalent of 4 fish fingers. Calculate exactly how many calories you will save by ditching the booze – odds are you’ll be shocked by how many you can save.

4. Plan a holiday

Planning a holiday is the perfect way to motivate yourself during dry January. Putting all the money you’ve saved on booze into a ‘holiday piggy bank’ will be a visible inspiration to keep going, along with your shrinking waistline of course. Win, win.

5. Recruit a partner in crime

Your driathlon will be about a million times easier if you have a least one of your friends on board the good ship sensible. You’ll have a sober partner in crime to go out with and look suitably smug while your other friends are being drunken idiots around you.

6. Get drunk on love

Replace visiting your old friend alcohol with seeing real actual people that you care about. Arrange to go and see that old friend you’ve been meaning to visit, visit your parents, or make time for your partner. Booking a romantic city break is the perfect idea as it takes you away for a weekend of relaxation, and no pressure to go to the pub with your friends.

7. Try a new type of exercise

Taking up a new exercise for the month will boost your levels of serotonin plus giving you something else to focus on. Try a ‘Ravercise’ classes – think daytime clubbing without the booze – for your dancing hit while staying firmly on the wagon.

8. Think positive

Don’t picture your month of sobriety as something negative. Think of it as something great you are achieving purely for yourself. Rather than focusing on denying yourself alcohol, envision your success and how happy you will be at the end of the month when you have reached your goal.

9. Tell Everyone

By telling everyone you are never drinking ever again (well, for January) will increase your chances of success. Why? Because your feelings of shame will be increased by about 98% if your friends or family catch you clutching a sneaky gin & tonic when you shouldn’t be.

10. Cut back, don’t cut out

If all else fails, simply cut back on your alcohol intake and set yourself an achievable goal per week. This will be much more easy to sustain and will certainly alleviate any January blues. There are also plenty of other ways to put goodness into your body, by upping your intake of fruit and vegetables, drinking more water, and taking supplements such as Milk Thistle which protect the liver from alcohol damage and premature ageing by helping to regenerate liver cells.

Will you be signing up for "Dry January" this year?

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Win A Clif Energy Bar Hamper Worth Over £50

If you are a fitness fanatic or if, like me, you're promising yourself that yes!  2017 will be the year that you finally beat inertia, I have a great giveaway for you - a hamper from Clif Bar worth over £50.

Clif Bars are America's favourite energy bars and they are designed to help keep you on-the-go whenever you need a boost.

They are made of a combination of wholesome ingredients such as organic rolled oats and organic dates.  They also contain protein and 11 vitamins (including B6 and B12) which help the body release energy.

Clif Bars come in 7 flavours, Chocolate Chip, Crunchy Peanut Butter, Oatmeal Raisin Walnut, Blueberry Crisp, Chocolate Almond Fudge, White Chocolate Macademia Nut and Coconut Chocolate Chip.

They are available from Boots, Tesco, Holland & Barrett and all good independent health food shops priced £1.60.

If your workout needs a protein boost, there's Clif Builder's 20g Protein Bars to help aid the growth and maintenance of muscle mass and vitamin B6 to help contibute to normal protein and glycogen metabolism.  They are also free from hydrogenated oils and sugar alcohols.

They contain natural ingredients such as organic oat fibre, nuts, cocoa, peanut butter and organic soy protein.

Suitable for vegans and certified kosher, Clif Builder's 20g Protein Bars come in three flavours, Chocolate, Chocolate Peanut Butter and Chocolate Mint and cost £2.35 per bar.

Then there's Clif Shot Energy Gels and Blok Energy Chews are both portable shots of carbohydrate designed to give an instant energy boost before and during activity.

Clif Shot Energy Gels come in 4 flavours - Chocolate, Razz, Citrus with 25mg caffeine and Double Expresso with 100mg caffeine. They are available from Ocada at £1.59.

Clif Bloks Energy Chews are semi-solid and come in 33 calorie cubes. Their flavours are Mountain Berry, Strawberry, Tropical Punch with 25mg caffeine and Black Cherry with 50mg caffeine. These are available from Tesco, Ocado, health food shops and sports retailers priced £2.69.

No matter what your level of activity, there's a Clif product to suit.

You can find out more at www.clifbar.co.uk on Twitter.

The prize hamper contains a complete range of Clif Bars, Clif Builder’s Bars, Clif SHOT Energy Gels and Clif BLOK Energy Chews, plus branded Clif Bar merchandise, worth more than £50.

Entry is via the Rafflecopter widget and the giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Friday 30th December just in time to help your 'get fit' New Year's resolution.

UK entrants only and terms and conditions apply (please see my competitions page).



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Good luck.

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Tips To Soothe Your Sore Aching Feet

This is the time of year when our feet tend to take even more of a pounding than usual.  There's the miles walked for Christmas shopping or in the sales and braving heels for the office party for a start.

And think how hard it must be for shop workers, nurses, care assistants and emergency service workers who are on their feet all day with little respite.

So how can we soothe our aching feet when we get home.  And how do we know when our feet need some professional care?

Did you know that there are over 300 different foot conditions, many of which are caused by poor fitting footwear?

Our feet have an incredible 26 bones, 33 joints, 20 muscles and 100 ligaments and their condition is a very good indicator of how healthy we are.

If you have ever had an incredibly relaxing reflexology session, you'll know that an experienced therapist can quickly tell you what's going on in your body just by massaging your feet.

Here are some of the common foot problems that may be causing you discomfort.

Heel Pain

There are various types of heel pain and the more common ones are conditions such as Heel spurs (plantar fasciitis) Heel bursitis (subcalcaneal bursitis) and Heel bumps.

They are very common and the pain is generally caused by some form of mechanical injury caused by small repetitive injuries that occur at a rate faster than the body can heal them.

Your heel pain could also be caused by lower back problems or inflammatory joint conditions.

The most common of all is Heel spurs (plantar fasciitis or fasciosis) which can be caused in various ways such as extensive running/walking/standing for long periods of time, especially when you are not used to it.  It can equally be caused by a sedentary lifestyle.

Heel pain is a common condition and in most cases will diminish following some routine self-care measures but if the pain persists longer than three weeks, it is best to seek professional advice from someone who specialises in heel pain, such as a podiatrist or chiropodist.

Heel pain can affect everyone, whatever your age, but those more commonly affected include those in middle age (over 40’s age group) as well as athletes.

Simple Self Care Treatment

Avoid wearing ill-fitting or uncomfortable shoes.  Make sure that your shoes fit the width of your foot as well as the length.  There is a much greater choice of wide fit shoes on the market these days.

Wear shoes which cushion your heel and give you good arch support.

Avoid walking or exercising on hard ground if you can.

Rest regularly and try not to walk or run too fast.

Wear a raised heel (no more than 6-10 mm higher than normal).

Bunions

Did you know that more than 15% of women in the UK suffer from bunions?  A bunion is a deformity of the big toe where the toe angles towards the second toe and creates a bony lump on the aside of the foot.

This can also form a large sac of fluid called a bursa which can become inflamed and sore.

They are caused by a problem with the mechanics of the foot which is often genetic - surprisingly your footwear may not be the actual cause!

The eventual crossover of the toes can make it difficult to walk and tends to get progressively worse. Before you jump back into your heels though, be aware that badly fitted shoes will make the problem worse because they will squeeze the toes together.

Eventually surgery may be required but there are things you can do to help yourself.

Simple Self Care Treatment

Buy wider shoes that give your toes plenty of room to move and limit heel height to no more than 4 cm for maximum comfort.

Avoid backless heels because they make your toes "claw" as you walk which will strain your muscles if you wear them for long periods of time.

Vary the height of your heels from day to day and if you have to wear the same shoe every day, try to keep the heel height to 4 cm or less.

Shoes with straps or laces over your instep can also help to stop your foot sliding forward and aggravating the bump.

Simple calf stretches will help to keep your feet in good working order.

Athletes Foot

This is a fungal skin infection which can cause intense itching and gives cracked, blistered or peeling areas of skin with redness and scaling.

It usually appears between the fourth and fifth toes at first where the skin has become overly moist. It can also appear as dry flaky skin around the heels or elsewhere on the foot.

If left untreated, large painful fissures can appear and the infection can spread along all five toes and even to the soles of the feet.

You can catch Athletes Foot from someone else's shedded infected skin so communal changing areas and anywhere you walk around barefoot are hotspots. It can also be passed on directly from person to person contact.

Leaving your feet in hot sweaty shoes or trainers is not going to help!

Simple Self Care Treatment

The number one rule is to make sure your feet are completely dry after washing before you then put your shoes and socks on.

Try to change your footwear regularly because it takes 24-48 hours for shoes to dry out properly.

You can dry out your work shoes by using a hairdryer on a cold setting and remove any detachable insoles.

Don't wear your shoes too tight because this encourages moisture to gather between your toes and encourages fungus.

Choose shoes made from natural materials and change your socks daily.

Wear flip-flops in the bathroom and in public showers.

Don't wear anyone else’s shoes, trainers or slippers.

Restore moisture to the dry areas of your feet with an anti-fungal cream or spray and remember to wash your hands thoroughly afterwards (or use disposable gloves).

If your Athlete’s Foot has been caused by excessive moisture (those hot, sweaty shoes again), then wash your feet in cold water, dab try with a separate towel and dab between the toes with surgical spirit.  Applying a moisturising cream will just make things worse.

Make sure you keep up the regimen for as long as possible because even if the symptoms vanish, it's possible for the fungus to return.

Sweaty Feet

Being on your feet all day can lead to excessive sweatiness and, whilst the weather can affect you, sweaty feet can also be an inherited condition.

The condition needs managing because sweaty feet can lead to Athletes Foot or blisters, not to mention unpleasant odour.

Simple Self Care Treatment

Stick to a daily foot hygiene routine, washing with an anti-bacterial soap.

Don't wear the same shoes every day.

Choose socks made from a material that absorbs sweat - e.g. wool and cotton.

Try detachable insoles or medicated one which can deodorise your shoes.

Buy well fitting leather shoes.

If you are worried about your foot condition then see your GP who may be able to refer you to an NHS Podiatrist or, if you have the funds, a private Podiatrist.

You can find more information on a variety of foot conditions at The Society of Chiropodists & Podiatrists.

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Homeopathy - A Small, Simple and Sweet Cure for Skin and Hair Conditions

Every parent knows that it is often very difficult to get kids to take medicines in tablet form - particularly if they come in large, hard-to-swallow capsules.

Not surprisingly then, many kids would prefer to take homeopathic cures which come in the form of tiny, easy to swallow pills. These sweet white balls are just as popular with adults due to their efficacy, safety and easy acceptance.

Homoeopathic medicines are said to attack and cure the root cause of the issue, without any side effects. A very small dose that is made with natural substances goes deep into the body and destroys the root cause of the symptoms.

But before talking about its effectiveness, where did homeopathy come from?

Where did it all start?

Homeopathy first appeared in Germany around 200 years ago and has become one of the most popular alternative forms of medicines today. Samuel Hahnemann is the man who first formulated and introduced homeopathic medicine to the world. Undisputedly, he has helped people all over the world to find a safer treatment for their various problems.

Though homeopathy, like any other alternative medicine, has been praised and criticized in equal measure. If we talk about trusting one form of complimentary medicine over another, homeopathy is is the one most likely to be trusted by the majority of users.

Homeopathy works on a very simple philosophy

Even two centuries ago, Samuel Hahnemann recognised that daily life was going to be challenging and that a medicine which would be easily accepted by the body would help.

He stipulated that there are certain elements which can help your body in highly diluted forms. These active ingredients enter your body and activate certain areas of your body, which are responsible for causing the medical problems you are facing. Once these areas get stimulated, your body heals at an accelerated rate and help you get better.

Since the rise of homeopathy, a number of systemic studies have been conducted on the effectiveness of these medicines particularly for treating hair and skin problems.

The researchers have documented a higher success rate with the use of homeopathic medicines than could be attributed to the placebo effect alone.

Homeopathy certainly has its detractors but an increasing number of people have been coming forward and confirming to the world that, in their personal experience, homeopathic medicines really work.

Hope for Skin and Hair

Human skin is very sensitive and conventional treatments usually end up making it dry and irritable. Homeopathy, however, has been proven to be one method which offers safe and effective treatment.

If you are struggling with any skin and hair problems, you may not have considered homeopathy as an option, but it has actually been found to be highly effective for chronic diseases and skin and hair problems. This is why even many famous doctors now offer these treatments to people who have extensively tried conventional medicines and did not see any results.

The right cure for right purpose

A medicine will only work if you use it for the right purpose. Hair problems like dandruff and hair loss have been treated using this treatment and have produced very encouraging results.

There are many cases where skin problems like Eczema have also been successfully treated using homeopathic medicines.  One such homeopathic solution is Emuaid Cream.

Many people have reported encouraging results from switching to Alternative Medicine and the most successful treatment among them so far have been the ones that involved homeopathy.

If you are not getting results from conventional skin and hair cures, you have nothing to lose by trying a treatment regime which has helped people all over the world get healthier hair and skin. Homeopathy can bring both hope and a cure.

*collaborative post

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Protect Your Family From The Winter Cold With Redoxon® Multivitamins [closed]

As the festive season approaches with all its social events, shopping and entertaining, we often find our systems need a boost to make sure we're in a fit condition to enjoy it all.

To stay healthy we're trying to eat nutritious, vitamin-rich foods and to get outside to enjoy the beautiful autumn countryside with lots of walks and cycling.

But we parents live in fear of the kids coming down with coughs, colds and the dreaded 'puke bug'.  I am already giving Caitlin and Ieuan daily probiotics and slathering them in anti-bacterial hand gel but there's always the chance that they will come home with something virulent that we'll all get.

So we've been trying new Redoxon® Triple Action effervescent tablets, which contain high strength vitamin D to help support the immune system, vitamin C to help us to feel energised and zinc to help maintain our skin.

Why is Vitamin D important?

Our bodies need vitamin D to absorb calcium and promote bone growth. Too little vitamin D results in soft bones in children (rickets) and fragile, misshapen bones in adults.  Vitamin D is also needed for other important body functions and a lack of it has been linked to breast cancer, colon cancer, prostate cancer, heart disease, depression, weight gain, and other maladies.

Read on for a fabulous giveaway ......

Redoxon® is the leading immune brand in the UK with over 80 years' experience of helping to keep families' immune systems on top form.

There's Redoxon® Triple Action for when you need a bit of extra help and Redoxon® Every Day Immune support for day to day support.

Caitlin and Ieuan have been trying the Triple Action formula in the form of gummies for children.

NEW Redoxon® Triple Action effervescent tablets

When you need a bit of extra help, Redoxon® Triple Action is a combination of high strength vitamin C, D and zinc to support your immune system.

Why use Redoxon® Triple Action?

• Top up of vitamin D even when there is less sunlight. During the summer months, vitamin D is mainly formed in the skin through UV-B sunlight, and functions to help support the immune system
• Vitamin C can help you release your energy
• Your skin is the body’s first line of defence. Zinc can help maintain your skin

The effervescent tablets are for adults and children over 12 years of age. Simply dissolve 1 tablet per day in a glass of water to make a refreshing orange drink. Available in packs of 10 at a RRP of £3.80.

New Look Redoxon® Every Day Immune Support for day to day support

Even though you may not feel it, your immune system works 24 hours a day and that is why you need to take care of it. When you have a busy lifestyle, sometimes it can be good to have extra support.

Redoxon® Every Day is a daily multivitamin for children and adults, providing day to day support for the immune system. The effervescent tablets contain vitamins (A, B6, B12, C, D and folic acid) and minerals (zinc, iron, copper and selenium).

Why use Redoxon® Every Day?

• Vitamin A, vitamin C and zinc help maintain the skin
• Vitamin C, iron, vitamin B12 and vitamin B6 help reduce tiredness and fatigue
• Vitamins (C, A, D, B6, B12 and folic acid) and minerals (zinc, iron, copper and selenium) help support your immune system – your body’s natural protector

Children over 12 years of age and adults: Dissolve 1 tablet per day in a glass of water to make a refreshing orange drink. Children 6-12 years old: Half a tablet per day. Redoxon® Every Day come in packs of 15 (RRP £5.00) and 30 (RRP £9.50).

These make a lovely, refreshing orangey drink with no chemical after-taste.  It dissolves easily and I wasn't left with powder at the bottom of the glass.

New Redoxon® Triple Action gummies

• 3 tasty fun flavours (orange, strawberry and papaya)

Per gummy:-

• Vitamin C 30mg
• Vitamin D 5μg
• Zinc 2.5mg

Suitable for children 4 years and older: • Children 4-8 years: 2 gummies per day • Children 9-13 years: 3 gummies per day • Adults and teenagers over 14 years: 4 gummies per day Come in packs of 25 at a RRP of £2.49.

The kids like the taste and texture of these and, unlike some of the vitamins we've tried, I've had no protests from Ieuan at all!

Redoxon® products are available at a range of stores including Boots, Sainsbury’s, Superdrug, Tesco, and Waitrose.

It's good to know that we are taking care of our immune systems - and hopefully warding off Mr Puke!

If you would like to try Redoxon® for yourself and win some lovely goodies and a shopping voucher, why not enter my giveaway?

The giveaway 

Redoxon® are kindly giving one of my lucky readers a lovely goody box containing plenty of Redoxon to try along with a winter support kit containing a scented candle, hot chocolate and a mug, winter socks and a 2017 diary to help you get the family organised.  Not only that but there's a £50 Tesco voucher to stock up on some healthy food too (or some mince pies....).

Entry is via the Rafflecopter widget.  UK entries only and the usual terms and conditions apply which can be viewed on my Competitions Page, where you can view my other current giveaways.

The giveaway ends at 11:59 pm on Sunday 4th December.

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Good luck!

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Smoking - Over 65,000 Babies STILL Put At Risk By Expectant Mums Each Year In England

Despite multiple health warnings and advice from the NHS, over 1 in 10 expectant mothers in England admit to smoking whilst pregnant - that’s over 65,000 based on average maternities per year.

Blackpool has the most alarming figures, with 26% or over 1 in 4 women smoking whilst pregnant. Stoke-on-Trent came second, with nearly 1 in 5 women smoking whilst pregnant (19.10%), with Liverpool closely behind at 16%.

However, the capital is setting a great example, with only 4.9% of pregnant mothers smoking. This is less than half of the national target of 11%.

Other low smoking towns include Birmingham and Reading. Research analysed by Vapourlites.com, has found that just over 12% of pregnant women are smokers at their first midwife appointment, with this only dropping by 1.9% to 10.6% at the time of birth.

Despite the health warnings, only a fraction of mums-to-be cut the habit. Amanda Sandford from the Action on Smoking and Health (ASH) said: “Smoking during pregnancy reduces foetal growth and increases the risk of miscarriage, stillbirth and cot deaths. Although there has been significant progress in reducing the rates of smoking during pregnancy it’s vital that work continues to ensure that pregnant women who smoke are offered support to quit.”

And the jury's still out on whether or not vaping carries equal risks to health

A map of pregnant mums-to-be who smoke illustrates the staggering numbers, and difference in some of the UK’s major cities.

Image credit: Vapourlites.com

It's a shame that the rest of the UK was not included in this research to get a fuller picture. I suspect, however, that it would be equally grim reading.

Smokers will argue that smoking is an addiction and it is well documented how difficult it is to quit, but surely, for the sake of your unborn baby's health, you'd try to quit, wouldn't you?  And ideally before you conceived.

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My Problem Page - What Was I Asked In Week 42?

This week I'm talking about dating by text, trouble with solar panels and what to do when your glasses don't fit. A pretty mixed bag, as I'm sure you'll agree.  Sometimes though, it's the smallest things that cause us the biggest problems and all we really need is someone to listen to  us.

If you would like any advice, feel free to message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here's just some of the questions I've been asked this week.

Q: I found out my boyfriend is still friends with the girl he cheated on me with. What should I do? 

He cheated on me with her 3 years ago. I saw on the home screen of his phone that they were messaging via Facebook. I didn't snoop but I've found out that they have recently become Facebook friends again.

A: It sounds like they are both still in touch and given that he has already broken your trust once with this girl, I wonder why you have not confronted him about it. Unfortunately by taking him back, you basically gave him the green light to cheat on you again.

There are those who would say that you did right to give him another chance and that people do change. I’m with the other school of thought that says a leopard never changes his spots.

You need to ask him exactly what’s going on - otherwise he’s just playing you for a fool. When you took him back, did you do so on the condition that he broke all contact with this girl? I certainly would have done. And I’d certainly be asking him quite a few blunt questions now.

Q: Is he just not that into me if he isn't pursuing me strongly after 5 dates or is it normal to wait hours/days for him text and ask me out each time?

A: What do you mean by ‘pursuing you strongly’? If he’s texting you and asking you out for further dates then he is ‘into you’.

If you become obsessed by a timetable - by date 6 he must have declared his love, by date 9 he must have bought me jewellery, by date 12 we should be moving in together……. you sending him running for the hills. Try to relax.

I’m assuming he has a life of his own and needy isn’t attractive you know. 5 dates is very early days and you sound like you have spent most of that time glued to your phone waiting for it to ring or bleep.

Think smart, sassy and independent. Make him chase you. That way you will keep his interest.

Q: Can a high frequency noise from my neighbor's solar panel inverter cause permanent ear damage?

It is about 15-20 feet from my room and I can now hear almost the same high frequency noise at night even though the noise is not there (tinnitus). The solar panel system of the neighbor was activated about 4 days ago.

A: It’s unlikely. I have tinnitus and I know that stress makes it worse so in your shoes if I were worrying 24/7 about the panels, it would make me more sensitive to noise.

All you can do in this situation is talk to your neighbour and see if there is anything that can be done to reduce your exposure to the noise. Loft insulation? Sound proofing panels?

Did your neighbour have to have planning permission to install these solar panels? I’m assuming these are domestic panels?

I’m not sure if you’re in the UK but noise pollution can be reported to your local authority and there may be something they can do to help.

I’d advise trying to get your neighbour on side first rather than starting a dispute. You might be able to come up with a solution between you. A bit of positive action is needed here rather than stewing angrily about the din. 

Q: How do I relieve irritation that my eyeglasses cause to the area behind my ears?

A: It sounds as if you need to return to your optician to have the glasses fitted properly. They may be too tight.

An optician will be able to warm a plastic frame slightly to bend it into a more comfortable shape.

If you have a metal frame, it is possible you are allergic to the material they are made from (e.g. nickel). However, a poor fit is the most likely reason you are uncomfortable.

While you are waiting to see the optician, get some lightly medicated cream such as a hydrocortisone cream and apply lightly to help with the irritation.

Also, are you showering and not drying behind your ears properly? That might also irritate your ears.

Q: My girlfriend is not friends with someone she had an argument with, but I want to be friends with her. Is this ok?

A: The mature answer would be, yes of course it is OK for you to be friends with her. 

The realistic answer is no it’s not OK if you want to keep your girlfriend. It also depends on what the argument was about. 

I think most girlfriends would expect their boyfriend to take their side in an argument rather than their friend. 

If it was a silly argument and likely to blow over, I’d just keep quiet until things calm down. If it’s a serious rift then you have some thinking to do about where your loyalties lie because it sounds as if you will have to choose between the pair of them. 

This isn’t particularly grown up behaviour, as I have said, but I’m also interested that you seem more interested in taking the friend’s side. The argument wasn’t about you was it? 

You need decide whether you want to keep your girlfriend or whether being free to pursue your friendships is more important. And there’s no easy answer to that one.

Q: Is it time to move on if he hasn't contacted me 2 days after our last date? 

We have been dating a month and he never texted much but I guess my feelings are growing. Since he is texting less after spending more time, I am guessing it’s time to move on? If he was into me wouldn’t he text and ask to see me soon? I am big into communication, are we not compatible?

A: The only way you will find out is by asking him. 

You cannot have a relationship ‘by text’ - and if you are, I’d suggest it’s not a real relationship in any case - particularly if you are no longer teenagers. 

A month is nothing in terms of time to be dating. You are still getting to know each other whereas it sounds as if you have a wedding planned already. 

Have you considered he might actually be busy, or have things going on in his life that don’t involve you? If you don’t know what is going on with him then you haven’t learned much about him in the last month. 

Rather than playing ‘text’ tennis, why don’t you talk to him, get to know him and see if you want a longer term relationship. 

People don’t stick to a ‘texting’ schedule. Some people hate mobile phones and would prefer the good old fashioned method of communication - talking. 

You say you are “big into communication” - what you are actually saying is that you expect him to stick to your schedule. Can I gently suggest that’s a little bit controlling? 

Calm down, take a breath and stop obsessing. If he’s interested he will call but it is 2016 - you don’t have to wait for him to make all the moves. 

The only way you will find out if you are compatible is to put the phone down and spend time with him.

How would you have responded to these questions? I'd love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page here.

All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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Remedies To Try When Your Children Are Under The Weather

From cuts and scrapes to bruising and bloody knees, roaming toddlers and active children often end up with a few of these! On top of that you may have to deal with insect bites, upset tummies, headaches, and general coughs and colds.

Here are some remedies for minor aches and ailments that might just be useful for your children to ease you little ones' pain.

Image credit:  Pixabay

Scratchy Sore Throats

Even as adults, when we get a sore throat it can feel like someone is scratching away inside our mouth, so imagine how horrible it is for kids. To ease a sore throat the natural way, try using lemon and honey. Honey is great for soothing soreness and lemon acts quickly to dry up congestion. Try a tablespoon of honey on its own or mix together a spoonful of each and heat in the microwave for 20 seconds until lukewarm. Please remember though to not give honey to children under a year old.

Image credit: Pixabay

Insect Bites

For small insect bites, you can try over the counter medicine or opt for a natural remedy. Both coconut oil and baking soda are both known to stop that annoying itchy feeling. And the fewer times kids scratch the bites, the less likely they are to get infected. If you are using coconut oil, simply rub it onto bites. If you are using baking soda, mix a teaspoon with water to make a thick paste and then apply it to the bite. Baking soda is alkaline, and therefore it cancels out the acidic swelling that bites cause.

Image credit: Pixabay

Online Doctor

If your child has a minor illness such as diarrhea, a cold, sore throat or a fever, you may want to invest in the services of an online doctor. This works well if you are busy at work, the surgery is closed, or you cannot secure an appointment that day with your local doctor. Online doctors enable you to consult a GP, ask medical questions and even send photos of the issue your child has. This is a good way to get advice and give you peace of mind. Online Doctor subscriptions also enable you to keep a password protected clinical record of all your child’s current and past medications.

Nosebleeds

If your child has a one off nosebleed, you can try treating the bleed with cayenne pepper spice. It sounds like it might burn, but it doesn’t! Cayenne pepper is a spice that acts to clot blood. If your child has a nosebleed get them to hold their head upright and then carefully pinch the nostrils together for a few minutes. Then, using a cotton ball, dab the inside of the nose with the spice where the bleed has occurred. You can also put a teaspoon of cayenne pepper into a glass of water and get the to drink this too. However, if your child has frequent nosebleeds, pleased do go and get checked by the doctor for any underlying conditions.

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Top Tips For Avoiding Colds & Flu From Dr Dawn Harper & Coldzyme

It's that time of year again where I find myself on red alert for the signs of an impending cold in the Hobbis household.  This involves much brandishing of  tissues and shouting "wash your hands with hot water". The medication cupboard (yes we have a whole cupboard) is restocked with Vicks Vapour Rub and I threaten everybody with my chicken soup (with a bit of help from Heinz obviously).

So if, like me, you want to make sure that the dreaded colds and flu don't visit this winter, leading media medic, Dr Dawn Harper, in conjunction with ColdZyme which fights the cause of the common cold, have compiled a few tips that are definitely good for our health.

Dr Harper’s Top Tips

• Wash your hands regularly – contrary to popular belief, most coughs and colds are spread by hand contact not by coughs and sneezes, so simply keeping your hands clean will go a long way to protecting yourself.

• Wash down surfaces and door handles – the viruses that cause colds can survive for several hours outside the human body.

Dr Dawn Harper

• Eat a well-balanced diet rich in fruit and vegetables to keep your immune system in good shape. Vitamin C and zinc are vital for a healthy immune system. Zinc is found in red meat, beans and fortified cereals, whilst foods rich in vitamin C include fruits such as oranges and strawberries and vegetables such as peppers, kale and broccoli.

• Make sure you get into a good sleep routine. When we sleep our immune system repairs itself, so chronic sleep deprivation can make you prone to infections.

• Manage your stress levels. Try to prioritise and delegate where possible as stress can play havoc with your immune system.

• Consider using anti-viral tissues and keep them in your bag or on your desk if those around you have a cold to minimise the spread of the virus and make sure that tissues are put straight in the bin.

• Use ColdZyme, a revolutionary mouth spray which targets the cause of the common cold and is clinically documented to help reduce the duration of a cold.

We tried Coldzyme last year and you can read our review here.

I also asked some of my lovely blogger friends for their top tips for preventing or dealing with a cold and this is what they said.

"If a cold strikes I make sure to keep warm, use medication at regular intervals and take night nurse to help me get a refreshing nights sleep when I need it most." - Katy Stevens, Katykicker.com

"As soon as I feel a niggle I start drinking a vitamin drink like Berrocca and cancel my plans to get some much needed R n R!" - Samantha Wragg, Cocobutterblog

"Pure orange juice in this house! That and Vicks on the feet with socks to bed to sweat the cold out!" - Amy Green, The Smallest Of Things.

"A hot cup of honey, lemon and fresh ginger a day throughout the colder months really helps keep colds at bay for me. If you have the time, steeping lemon chunks and fresh ginger in a pot of honey for a few weeks makes an effective concoction!" - Sophia Ford, Tattooed Tealady

"Wash your hands! All the time. Touching things and then touching your face, eyes, nose, mouth, is the fastest way to get a cold. Wash wash wash. And carry hand sanitiser." - Naomi Perilli, Tattooed Mummy

"I'll have honey and lemon with an actual tea bag (no milk!)! It gives you a bit of energy as the tea has a slow caffeine release to help you power through when you have things to do! Also hot steamy showers or if I'm feeling up to it, a microwavable curry. The steam or spice clears your nose and helps you blow it if its especially stuffed! Also avoid dairy as much as possible, it sticks in your pipes and increases phlegm!" - Abigail Glover, Mermaid Mischief

"Hot toddies - I've had them for colds since being a child. Hot water, honey, sugar, slice of lemon then a couple of shots of whiskey (obviously I didn't have that as a child). Drink it as hot as you can." -Chermaine Susan Samphire, Chammy In Real Life - the real life ramblings of me.

What's your top tip for avoiding colds and flu?

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Review: The Sittingwell® Back Support Cushion - Get Comfy In Your Favourite Chair Again

There are millions of Brits who suffer from back pain.  Figures released by the UK Statistics Authority in 2014 showed that back pain is a huge problem for the nation.

Struggling to get comfortable on your sofa with your bad back?

They found that around 4.2 million working days were lost by workers aged 50-64 alone in 2014. Those aged 25-34 were absent for 1.89 million days due to back pain, while those in the 35-49 bracket missed 3.86 million days in the office.

The number of sick days taken because of the chronic condition had also increased dramatically - up from 7.7 million lost days in 2013 to 9.96 million in 2014. The total cost of the missed work days amounts to more than a billion pounds.

The condition affects people in all age groups but my age group, the over-50s, are worst hit. Health experts say chronic back pain is made worse by our increasingly sedentary lifestyle, with the average Briton spending almost four hours a day at a computer. And that's without including time sat on the sofa watching TV or slumped in a chair gaming!

You may have heard the expression "sitting is the new smoking" and there are a number of books which link excessive sitting to a greatly increased risk of disease and even early death.

But what can you do if you have back pain and  you have to sit down for the greater part of the day?

Apart from the obvious lifestyle changes you need to make, the most obvious being to increase your exercise, there are things you can do to improve your comfort.  You are probably already aware of the orthopedic mattresses on the market to help you get a better night's sleep but how many of us consider how the chairs and sofas we sit in may be contributing to our back pain?

My own lower back pain began after 2 caesareans and a generally sedentary lifestyle at home looking after the kids.  I still spend far too much time writing whilst sat in an arm chair that has seen better days.

Let's be honest.  Few of us have the money to replace our lounge furniture just because a few springs have gone or because the cushions now sink and don't give any support.

We've been looking for a new sofa recently and I can't believe how many designs have really deep seating areas so your legs sometimes don't even reach the floor, and absolutely no neck support so you can't rest your head back.

What are designers thinking?  Given that many sofas cost in the thousands, it's a lot of money to pay to store up back and neck problems for yourself later on!

One solution to sitting more comfortably on your sofa with proper back support is the Sittingwell® Back Support Cushion. This was designed to offer support for the sofas and chairs which are too deep to give sufficient support, leading you to slump and thus put pressure on your spine and your neck.

Sittingwell make a variety of products aimed at preventing and relieving back pain and this cushion is unique in that it combines a built in back support pad with the comfortable 'squiginess' you'd expect from a plush sofa cushion.

There are two versions, one filled with polyester foam and, the one I was sent to try, the duck feather filled version..  The cushion is supplied without a cover but fits easily in to a standard 45 cm square cushion cover so nobody need know you're using one.

You can use it can be used on the sofa, armchair, deep office or dining room chair (as long as the back of the chair meets the seat and there isn't a gap at the bottom). You can even use it in bed to sit against whilst having your morning tea or reading at night.

Hand made in the UK, the Sittingwell® Cushion comes in an ethically sourced reusable canvas bag which is great if you want to take it away with you.

I was sent the Deluxe Sittingwell® Feather Back Support Cushion which retails at £69.99.  The polyester filled version is slightly cheaper at £45.99.

I found that the support the cushion gave was surprisingly firm and it really makes you sit up properly. Because the front of the cushion is what you'd probably consider 'normal cushion' though, it is comfortable to lean back on.

I could feel the adjustment to my spine as my thighs were elongated and my feet felt more firmly on the floor. The benefits of this of course mean that your neck is also elongated and you don't hunch quite so much.  It's easier and more comfortable to sit for longer with this added back support.

Despite this, and as Sittingwell themselves advise, you need to get up and move regularly.  My physiotherapist once told me that you should get up and move around every 20 minutes or so and that he would never sit down for longer than 45 minutes at a time.  (Oops!).

When you get up some simple stretches and bends may be enough to ensure you don't seize up and keep everything moving!

Sittingwell has an advice hub on their website where you can find a range of articles on how to avoid back pain in various situations (sitting, standing, sleeping, travelling etc).  You can also get a free report "7 Solutions To Back Pain Relief" which can be downloaded to your PC when you leave your email address.

I was impressed by the Sittingwell cushion and will continue to use it.  I know that it's no substitute for a healthier lifestyle but it does make time spent on our rickety sofa more bearable.

I think that it's also quite reasonably priced given the cost of some of the major retailer's 'normal' cushions! You can easily pick up a cushion cover for a few pounds on Amazon.

You can find more information at www.sittingwell.co.uk

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Take The Flora Lunchbox Challenge & Pack A Healthier Lunch For Your Child

My two have school dinners but occasionally I am required to rustle up that nutritional challenge known as 'the lunchbox'.

If you don't prepare one regularly, and aren't a pro at assembling something Bento-style which is Instagram worthy and would find favour with Jamie Oliver, then you'll experience the heart-sinking moment when you receive the school trip form which instructs you to provide a 'packed lunch'.

I briefly consider whether jam sandwiches are actually an acceptable alternative to something involving seeds, nuts and a rather hefty boost to my Clubcard points.

Yes, you can exchange these for more pizza but that's not really the point, is it?

So for Caitlin it's usually a Ham and Tomato sarnie, a packet of crisps and something with too much sugar wrapped in too much plastic.

Ieuan will eat any sandwich as long as it's Peanut Butter and Banana.  Or Ham if there's a full moon rising in Pisces (picky, Ieuan?  Never!).

But, if you are a poor lunchbox packer, then you're not alone.  Recent research commissioned by Flora revealed that a paltry 1.6% of children's lunchboxes are meeting the school food national standards and only 1 in 5 lunchboxes, just 17%, contain any sort of vegetables or salad.

I'd add, given Ieuan's fear of anything green, that you have to wonder how many of the veggies and salads in that 17% actually get eaten.

In order to do something about the Nations below-par lunchbox packing, Flora has distributed 631,000 lunchboxes with handy recipe planners to retailers across the UK in a bid to help make packing lunches an easier task for parents, especially those with picky eaters.

We were lucky enough to receive one of these cute lunchboxes which contain some easy to make recipes to try out on the kids and a menu planner (the lunchbox builder) which shows you which items to add to vastly improve your nutritional score.

Flora suggest four combinations named after dinosaurs (who were all plant eaters apparently).  There's the T-Rex Lunchbox for monster appetites, the Florasaurus Lunchbox for herbivores, the Velociraptor Lunchbox (a beast of a lunch) and the Stegosaurus Lunchbox (the epic size lunch).

Each combination contains the best mix of carbs, protein, dairy, fruit and veg and healthy fats, in the form of Flora Spreads which are a lower saturated fat alternative to butter and provide a source of the essential Omega 3 and 6 fats that are needed to support the normal growth and development of children.

Flora comes in a range of  tasty varieties - Flora Original, Flora Lite, Flora Buttery and Flora Freedom which is dairy free.  We tried the Original and Lite varieties. 

But you don't have to go for sandwiches - sometimes it's good to think outside of the lunchbox (sorry).

Flora suggest Pasta Tossed with Tuna and Fresh Herbs, Chicken Pittas or how about an Egg, Mayo and Pepper Wrap or something more exotic such as a Moroccan Couscous Salad?  

And you could be a little more inspired with your fruit choices than just an apple - how about a small pot of fruit salad or a fruit kebab?  You could include some banana bread or flapjack which are both easy enough to make yourself.

You can find all of the recipes here along with hints and tips on how to make the most of a lunch box meal.

Here's a few extra tips:-

*Buy bread and rolls in bulk and keep some in your freezer for emergencies.

*Prepare the lunchbox the night before and place in the fridge to keep fresh.

*Buy lunchbox staples in bulk and portion them up as soon as you get home. You can pop individual portions of snacks like trail mix into separate sandwich bags ready to drop in to the lunchbox to save time.

*A healthy lunch will keep your child alert and able to focus at school so try to include a variety of food types. Fruits and vegetables are loaded with vitamins, minerals and phytonutrients essential for optimal health, whilst proteins are the building blocks of cellular growth which also help to balance blood sugar levels and keep us feeling fuller for longer. The Flora Lunchbox Builder will help you to put together the best combination.

* The best drink to pack is water.

*Add some extra interest by packing each item separately so that the unwrapping creates a little fun, plus this helps keep food fresher.

*Use your freezer - batch cook on a Sunday so that you are ready for the rest of the week.

*In hot weather include ice packs to keep food cool and in cold weather why not add some warming soup in a thermos.

*Make sure that snack foods are as healthy as possible without relying on shop bought sugary treats. Better choices include hard boiled eggs, unsalted popcorn, a savoury scone, a granola bar, some yogurt, fruity jelly and some nuts and seeds. Be careful with granola bars as some of these contain more sugar than a chocolate bar.

Healthy doesn't have to mean boring when it comes to lunchboxes.  A little preparation and planning goes a long way when it comes to giving your child a lunchbox that tastes good, does them good and comes back empty!

“This post is an entry for the #FloraLunchbox Linky Challenge, sponsored by Flora. Check out their lunch planner and recipe ideas here ”

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We Took The Love Your Mouth Challenge With Aquafresh

We were recently asked to take the Love Your Mouth challenge from GlaxoSmithKline, who make leading toothpaste brands such as Sensodyne, Corsodyl, Poligrip and Aquafresh.

The aim of the challenge is to get people to understand that everyone's mouth is unique and will have different needs, so using specialised dental products is important.

You simply complete an online quiz, either for yourself of your kids which asks questions about your dental health - for example do you spit blood when you brush, do your teeth twinge when you sip hot drinks and do you wear a partial denture.

Depending on your answers, your recommended dental product is shown.

I completed the quiz for Caitlin and Ieuan and was recommended a brand with which we are already familiar and have used many times - Aquafresh My Big Teeth - since they are both over 6 years old.

We have used Aquafresh Milk Teeth and Aquafresh Little Teeth toothpastes too as dental hygiene is so important for good health and we have ensured that the kids have stuck to a strict teeth-cleaning regime from the moment their teeth started to appear.

We make sure that they both brush for the recommended 2 minutes each time and we were sent a sweet little 'tooth timer' to make sure they stick to this time properly.  You can also download the Love Your Mouth app which lets your kids brush a long to a song for 2 minutes.

Did you know that children's enamel is 50% thinner than an adult's? Their teeth need a little extra care to help avoid tooth decay and ensure they grow healthy and strong.

You can find some top tips about how to get your kids to look after their teeth and gums in this video.



Aquafresh My Big Teeth with Sugar Acid Protection is a gentle, foaming toothpaste specially designed for children six+ years plus. The Sugar Acid Protection helps strengthen enamel and protects not only their milk teeth from decay, but also their new adult teeth.

Aquafresh My Big Teeth comes in child friendly mint flavour. It is priced from £1.20 and available from Tesco, ASDA, Sainsbury’s, Morrison’s, Waitrose, Boots and Superdrug.

And grown-ups should make sure they avoid the 7 Oral Health Sins:-

Sin 1 - not brushing for 2 minutes
Sin 2 - using a finger nail to floss and adding lots of yucky bacteria to your mouth
Sin 3 - rinsing with water after brushing - don't wash away the fluoride protection from your toothpaste
Sin 4 - not brushing your teeth twice a day
Sin 5 - using the same toothbrush for longer than 3 months
Sin 6 - not using specialist products
Sin 7 - infrequent dental visits

Are you guilty of any of those?

For more information on the Love Your Mouth challenge go to LoveYourMouth.co.uk.

*PR samples were received for the purpose of this post.

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Relationship Dilemmas - What Was I Asked In Week 40?

This week I'm talking about keeping your older boyfriend a secret, dealing with 'psycho girls' and telling a friend her child is too badly behaved for your child to play with.  What would you do?

If you would like any advice, feel free to message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here's just some of the questions I've been asked this week.

Q: Should I tell my parents about my older boyfriend?  I'm 16, he's 22.

A: It depends how old you are. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that if you are below the age of sexual consent in your country then your boyfriend could end up in a lot of trouble - and so could you if you are not using contraception. 

As a mother, I would want to know about your boyfriend. The fact that you are unsure whether to tell them tells me that there is something about this relationship that they will disapprove of. 

When we are young women, it is easy to fall for a charming older man but they are not always who they seem to be. Sexual predators can be very charming indeed. Men (and women) are not always who they seem to be. 

If you are mature but worry about an age gap relationship then, assuming everything is OK, then at that stage, it is your business and if you choose to continue with the relationship you may have to make a choice between your boyfriend and your parents. 

But I wonder why you feel you can’t tell them and even introduce him to them. For your peace of mind (and safety), that is what I would urge you to do. 

And if he’s a decent man, he should be telling you the same thing. 

Q: How can my boyfriend get rid of a 'psycho' girl?

A: I’m guessing you are very young. And rather jealous. 

I’m also assuming that the ‘psycho’ girl has a thing for your boyfriend and is chasing him. 

The person who needs to sort this out is your boyfriend. It’s very common in this situation to focus on the other woman, whilst the man gets off free whilst the women fight. Is this girl an ex girlfriend?

I can sense that you are feeling very threatened but getting bitchy and demanding won’t help. Has your boyfriend been encouraging this girl? 

Sometimes we choose to ignore what is going on right under our nose. Tell him to ‘shape up or ship out’. 

Q: Is chatting with strangers on the internet bad if you already have a girlfriend or boyfriend?

A: Not bad but it can be dangerous. Do you mean general chat or sexual chat? 

You don’t say how old you are but I’m guessing you are quite young. 

I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that it is often impossible to know who you are talking to on the internet. 

If you need to do this despite having a partner I would suggest that the relationship is pretty unfulfilling and it would be fairer to them to let them go and wait until you are ready to commit to a relationship in the real world - rather than a fantasy one in cyberspace.

Q: When children are not disciplined (or guided) and not held accountable for their actions does that cause emotional problems? 

A: Emotional problems for whom? 

As parents having to constantly deal with an out of control child is exhausting. I believe children actually need boundaries in order for them to feel love. They need to know their place in the family and how far they can go. 

They test our love all the time to see if it will break. 

So I agree with you that an over liberal parenting style can result in a child who, paradoxically, feels unloved. 

If nothing you do ever makes a difference would you feel like you mattered? 

And if we don’t set boundaries for our kids whilst they are under our care and guidance, what will happen to them when they enter the world of work and find that they are expected to toe the line and act like mature, responsible adults. 

Everyone’s parenting style is different. Every kids is different. But I think we should be parents first and friends second.

Q: My boyfriend just told me he thinks about his ex every day and wishes he could go back and change his mistakes that made her leave. How do I even reply?

A: I really feel for you. That must have been so hard to hear but the only way to view it is that he has done you a favour but letting you know that his heart is not really in your relationship. It is obviously his guilt talking and I wonder what the ‘mistakes’ were that made her leave. 

If he was unkind or controlling then I think you have just had (no matter how awful it feels like now), a lucky break. 

There is also something a little controlling in the fact that he is making YOU responsible for his upset rather than manning up and dealing with the consequences himself. He sounds very immature. 

I would suggest that you separate for a while so that he can get clear in his head who it is he really wants to be with. 

We always want what we can’t have and it’s the idea that he can’t have his ex back that’s making her seem so attractive. 

In reality, if they got back together the same problems would be there. And I’m wondering if these same problems are already in your relationship. 

But he’s an adult. You are not responsible for him and you DO deserve someone who wants a relationship with you. 

I suspect most women’s advice to you would be “show him the door”.

Q: How do you tell a friend that you don't want your 7 year old children to be friends because of their child's behavior issues?

A: I don’t think you can if you want to keep her friendship. 

Could you find a way for your children to play together under supervision with you and your friend and make her aware of when her child’s behaviour is unacceptable. 

You don’t say what the ‘behaviour issues’ are. It would be very hard on your friend to abandon her if, for example, her child is autistic or has a problem like ADHD. She needs your support, not your censure. 

If her child is just exhibiting bratty behaviour and bullying your child then you either have to tell her straight out or see less of her. Your child’s health and safety has to come first. 

But 7 year olds are ALL capable of bratty behaviour and their friendships go from best friend status to all out hatred in a heartbeat - and back again the next day. 

Are you sure YOUR child is a little angel? Could they be contributing to the behaviour in some way. 

Can you not sit down with your friend over coffee and tell her openly that you have noticed her child behaves in these ways and is there a reason why? She may confide in you and tell you that she knows but needs help dealing with it. 

 Makes sure you’re not about to jettison a nice friendship due to a couple of 7 year olds’ stroppy - and entirely normal - behaviour. 

How would you have responded to these questions? You can find more advice on my problem page.

All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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Common Ear Problems And What You Can Do About Them

If you have ever had a problem with your ears, you’ll know that it can be tough to deal with. You are in pain and there's no escape as it's right there in your head. 

Image Credit

If you are struggling with hearing loss, you may be trying to mask it. But it is important that you speak to your doctors and find out what the underlying cause is.

There are many different problems you can suffer with in your ears, and many can be treated or the symptoms at least alleviated. Read on for more information about some of the most common of these - and what you can do about them.

Ménière’s disease 

Ménière’s disease is a fairly rare condition, the cause of which is still unconfirmed. It occurs in the inner ear and causes bouts of dizziness and vertigo. Other common symptoms include tinnitus or ringing in the ears. Attacks usually last around 1- 3 hours, but the after-effects can be felt for up to 24 hours, and sufferers often need to stop and rest in order to feel well again.

For sufferers, Ménière’s can be debilitating. They never know when it will strike, and it may cause  severe attacks of dizziness and vomiting at any time. This is very stressful for the sufferer and can understandably lead to depression or anxiety as well. It can cause problems for them in all parts of their lives. This can result in a large amount of time off work, difficulty travelling and socializing.

Scientists believe that the cause may be problems with pressure in the inner ear or issues with the membrane of the ear. A more specific explanation of what happens during an attack is still being researched.

Treatment for Ménière’s differs depending on your practitioner. Some doctors advise relaxation techniques including Yoga or Tai Chi. Some people find relief in guided meditations during an attack. In America, the newest treatment is a device that pushes air pressure into the ear which seems to stop the dizziness.

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Other things that may improve the condition include changing your medication as some are known to produce the symptoms of the disease. A change in diet is also often recommended, for example cutting out sodium (salt).

Extreme cases may result in surgery - although patients will have gone through balance retraining and other techniques before they get to that point.

Tinnitus

Tinnitus or ringing in the ears is a symptom of Meniere's disease, but it can also occur on its own. Regular readers of this blog will know that I am a sufferer. It might not sound too bad if you haven't got it, but try to imagine what it's like to have a constant high pitch whining in your ears that you can do nothing about.  It is incredibly frustrating.

Image Credit: Coty Schwabe

It is more common in people over 80 years of age, but anyone can develop the condition. It's often linked to hearing loss, although Tinnitus doesn't cause it.  Many younger people today are beginning to suffer from tinnitus through over exposure to loud noise at rock concerts, festivals and in clubs.

There are several types of tinnitus.  The most usual kind is when the sufferer hears a whooshing, ringing or roaring in the ears. Pulsatile Tinnitus is when the sound pulses in time with your heartbeat. Suffers may also have musical hallucinations, when the sound appears as fragments of songs or music.

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Whichever type you think you have it's important that you see your doctor for some advice on how to deal with this condition.

There are several things that we know can cause tinnitus. One is inner ear damage, which can be due to age, self-inflicted or due to a work related injury.

It is now even possible to seek advice from companies like UKClaim Lawyers about this and to apply for compensation which can then be put towards treatments to hopefully improve the quality of the sufferer's life.

Other causes include a build of wax, anemia, diabetes and hypertension. It can also be a result of blood vessel issues and neck and jaw problems.

Your doctor may recommend a range of therapies that may help you cope with tinnitus. Firstly, CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy should be considered. Although not a cure, it is designed to help you reframe the problem and find working solutions to cope better with it in your daily life.

Secondly, hearing aids with noise devices (maskers) may help, as these can cancel out the noise that you are experiencing in your ears. Many tinnitus sufferers also use white or pink noise to drown out the sound at night, which allows them some peace and makes it easier to get off to sleep.

Tinnitus is a frustrating disease with no real cure and most of the therapies involved learning to live with the problems. They center finding relief where you can and dealing with the emotional and mental fallout. This is why many sufferers are referred for relational training and counselling.

Ear Barotrauma

Ear barotrauma or stretched ear, is a condition which occurs when the air pressure in the middle ear and the ear canal is unequal. This causes the eardrum to bend inwards, which can lead to bleeding, bruising pain or even a rupture.

This can occur due to a blockage in the eustachian tubes. which normally help to regulate the air pressure in the ears. They let out additional air to the middle ear when necessary but if they get blocked for some reason, this does not happen and the ear drum can be damaged.

Ear barotrauma is only an issue when you experience air pressure changes. So diving, flying and other activities where your ears can pop should be avoided. These include travelling by tube and climbing at altitude, which can be risky if your eustachian tubes are blocked.

Blockages in the eustachian tubes can occur from tumors, scarring, and infections like colds or allergies. If you are suffering from a cold or allergy and have to do an activity where you will subject yourself to a change in air pressure, your doctor will recommend a decongestant. You can also chew or suck sweets to help alleviate the pressure or do specific exercises which will balance the pressure in your ears.

Ear Infections 

Most of us remember having an ear infection as a child and the pain from these can be very severe and very unpleasant. They can be caused by either bacteria or a virus and there are some things that can lead to an increased susceptibility to infection in the ear. These include smoking, inflamed adenoids, colds and sinus infections. There is also a condition called swimmer's ear which is caused by residual water in the ear, which helps bacteria to grow.

Depending on the type of infection a range of treatments may be prescribed by your doctor. Ear drops are a common solution to swimmer's ear. If you smoke, then you will be asked to stop. Antibiotics can also help if it is a bacterial infection.

You can prevent further infection by keeping your ears dry and away from infection carriers such as your fingers. It is essential to keep your ears as clean as possible. It is also important to remember that cotton buds should not be inserted into the ear canal. They are just for clearing the outer folds of the ear. By inserting them into the canal, you can introduce bacteria that will then develop into a full blown ear infection.

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There is also a risk that inserting them too far may puncture the ear drum leading to lasting damage.  Don't do it!

Hearing Loss

Hearing loss is something that many of us expect to experience with age. However, it can occur for a number of reasons at any time in our lives.

There are two main types  - conductive hearing loss and sensorineural hearing loss. There is also a third which is a combination of the two.

Conductive hearing loss is caused by damage to the ear, so the sound waves are not passed to the inner ear effectively. This can be due to a blockage, a tumor or a build-up of wax.

Sensorineural hearing loss is the type most seen as we age, and is due to the destruction of the tiny hairs in the ear drum that pick up and amplify sounds. It can also be caused by trauma such as a very loud noise like an explosion.

Before hearing loss can be treated effectively, it needs to be identified and classified by a health professional. This is because there could be a number of underlying reasons why your hearing is deteriorating. Without knowing what the causes are, treatment is unlikely to be successful.

It could be that the sufferer has a perforated eardrum, Meniere's disease or meningitis. There is even a condition where skin clumps in the ear and effects hearing called cholesteatoma.

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Each cause will need to be looked individually and treated appropriately. Some people can benefit from a hearing aid, especially if they have Sensorineural hearing loss. Others will need surgery, and some may need to find a way to cope with the loss of their hearing to continue to lead happy lives.

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