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Wednesday 26 April 2017

Getting Divorced - Is Your Partner Spying On You?

If you're getting divorced, you are doubtless stressed and upset.  You have a divorce lawyer who is your confidante, your sounding board and your ally. You can tell them anything, certainly things you wouldn't tell your husband or wife, and together you are forging an escape plan - whether your situation is amicable or no longer friendly.

Sad woman in an office sitting in the shadow cast by venetian blinds

Your correspondence with them is confidential - or so you think.

Let's be honest, the last thing you want is for your soon to be ex to discover your plans.  You are under enough stress without the additional worry of your partner getting hold of confidential information which could jeopardise the outcome of your case.

But Nicola McInnes, head of family law at Gorvins Solicitors has issued a stark warning about the rise of what she terms 'spousal hackers'.

You may have read this week about Anthea Turner's confessions that she turned detective to prove that her husband Grant Bovey had rekindled his affair with a much younger woman.

Bovey was unaware, she writes, that his seemingly technophobic wife had in fact garnered enough IT knowledge to track him via PC, SatNav and this bicycle computer.

Says McInnes "people planning to get divorced should change their email addresses as soon as they have separated in order to prevent spouses hacking into their account and finding information which can be used against them".

She is finding an increasing number of clients are complaining that their divorcing partner has broken into their email accounts and social media sites such as Facebook.

Be too chatty on Facebook and you may find you've given any advantage you might have had away. Make sure you change all your social media passwords as soon as possible.

Hard though it is, now may be the time to unlike your spouse's Facebook page and to stop following their other accounts. Once the dust has settled you can always re-establish contact but for now you don't want your private thoughts and emotions broadcast to all and sundry.

Says Nicola “We`ve found that hacking spouses are particularly keen to find any emails we may have sent which contain advice as to our client’s entitlement or because they believe their divorcing spouse is hiding income or assets. I had one case when we felt the husband was always a step ahead and my client was convinced that he had read emails we had exchanged"

“Facebook profiles are also targeted because they may contain information that can be referred to in court papers. Some clients have told me that their exes have even threatened to disclose the private photographs they`ve found on social media accounts as a way of getting what they want.”

Studies suggest that 20% of all couples in the UK argue regularly or consider separating which seems like a conservative estimate to me.  Interestingly, the last figures released by the Office for National Statistics in December 2016 showed that divorce had fallen to the lowest level for 40 years in 2014. That said, there were still 111,169 couples in England and Wales who divorced in that year.

And hacking someone else's email account is a criminal act, even if it is done as a prank. Falling foul of the 1990 Computer Misuse Act by doing this can lead to criminal charges and a possible 2 year prison sentence.

It's not surprising that, at such a difficult time, people resent having to change their passwords and email accounts but not doing this could put them in a vulnerable position.

So if you are in the process of getting divorced, it's time to change all your passwords and be very careful about what you confide on social media.
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Sunday 3 January 2016

A 5 Minute Strategy That Might Save Your Relationship

God, people are so annoying aren't they?  And, having been cooped up with several of them for over 10 days, it's fair to say a few of us might be a little, well, tetchy.

Mug showing kissing couple - 5 minute strategy to save your relationship - motherdistracted.co.uk
Love is... bringing you your early morning cuppa

Unless you're a relationship guru or have rock solid assertiveness skills (no, me neither), that sanity-saving alone time, those moments of peace where you remember who (or even where) you are and that space just to breathe have probably all fallen by the wrapping-paper strewn wayside.

Oh, alright.  Yes it's selfish but we women often brand anything that is soul-feeding selfish.  Men, to happily stereotype and generalise, don't seem to suffer the same angst involved in taking time out. They'll chuck trainers in a bag and breeze off to the gym or leg it to the pub for a 'swift half' without having to raise it with their therapist later.

The thing about stereotypes, you see, is that there's very often no smoke without fire.  But it is very un-PC these days to say that.

So, what can we do to keep the peace and to avoid wrecking perfectly decent relationships with basically lovely people?  Some of us have a terrible habit of sabotaging the very things that make us happy for no other reason than we are bored and need to create a bit of drama - or we're crying out for some 'me time'.

It's no surprise that lots of relationships finally bite the dust during holiday periods when couples are forced to spend time together and have to deal with their issues.  Or the fact that there are no longer any issues between them whatsoever.  The latter of course is a common problem once the children have left home or are old enough not to need round the clock parenting anymore.

But, equally, sometimes it's just a bad case of cabin fever and too much time to analyse that's the problem.

I'd suggest that if you are finding yourself in fault-finding mode and wondering why your life hasn't turned out to be the Disney cartoon fantasy many of us baby boomers were promised, then you do the following.

When that critical voice in your head keeps yabbering away - "they never, if only they would, why won't they, " and on, and on, and on, just take 5 minutes and list 5 things you like and appreciate about them.

I'm not suggesting you get out a flipchart but just list them in your head or write them in your diary.

These don't have to be huge things - just things that make you smile and feel cared for.  Love doesn't always appear wrapped in a grand announcement.

Do they bring you a cup of tea in the morning?  Do they record your favourite TV programme for you if you're out?  Do they cook your favourite meal when you're feeling a bit down or run you a bath?

Everyone has their good points.  Well, almost everyone.  And I'm sure if you think hard enough you can remind yourself of why you thought it was a good idea to let them into your life in the first place.

Just 5 minutes.

To preserve one of the most important things in your life.

It's worth a try, surely?

Because if that 5 minutes stops you losing your temper, flying off the handle or saying something hurtful that you don't even mean, those minutes may be very valuable indeed.

Like what you've read?  Why not join me on the Mother Distracted Facebook page, tweet me on @lindahobbis or follow me on Instagram.
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Tuesday 29 December 2015

Post Christmas Divorce Rush Predicted To Avoid Hike In UK Divorce Fees In April

Online divorce firm divorce-online.co.uk, the single biggest filer of divorce petitions in England and Wales, is predicting a big spike in divorce filings in January as couples rush to beat the Government's proposed hike in court fees to file a divorce.

Sad girl looking through window - cost of divorce UK - motherdistracted.co.uk
Divorce is stressful enough, without the added financial worry
The fees will rise in April from £410 to £550 a massive 34% increase, despite the actual cost of processing a divorce having been calculated at £260.

A draft statutory instrument has been laid before parliament and unless the Government do a U turn in the next 3 months, the fees will be introduced at the start of the new financial year.

As one of the largest firms sending divorce petitions to the divorce centres, Divorce-Online are already warning potential divorcees of the coming rise.

Mark Keenan a spokesman for the company believes that the rise will prevent couples on modest means from formalising their split and many couples will be left in a legal limbo for years, separated but not able to finalise their divorce because of the sheer cost.

Since the withdrawal of legal aid in 2012 for divorce cases, the number of people looking for cheaper alternatives to traditional solicitor led divorce routes have rocketed using services provided by companies like Divorce Online.

As the cost of divorce in the UK rises, it is likely that even more couples will turn to the Internet to seek a more cost-effective alternative to the traditional high street legal practice.

Further information: contact mark.keenan@divorce-online.co.uk.  Twitter @mrdivorceonline
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