My Problem Page - What Was I Asked In Week 45?

This week I'm talking about how to act when you meet the ex who left you, how to know when to end a relationship and, as usual, how to know if a text flirtation could become something more.

If you would like any advice, feel free to message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here's this week's questions.

Q:I love this man I met online but it's now a month since we last talked and texted. What can I do?

A: Have you actually met this man in person a few times? A relationship conducted just via text and phone is hardly going to go anywhere is it? 

The problem with online dating is that there is so much choice, so much temptation and comparatively few people looking for long term, meaningful relationships. When I was online dating I could have had a new date every day and the excitement is quite infectious. 

The fact that it’s been a month doesn’t sound too hopeful but if you have been sitting by the phone waiting for him to do all the running then you only have yourself to blame. 

Perhaps he thinks you couldn’t be bothered and weren’t that interested either? Or have you been trying to get in touch and he has not returned your messages? If that is the case it’s pretty clear he’s not interested I’m afraid. 

I would try to contact him one last time to see if he wants to meet for a date but if you are brushed aside then delete his number and move on. 

Q: My wife treats me very well. She is very loving. However why does she continue to cheat on me particularly with online emotional affairs?

A: Well, no, she really does not treat you well does she? 

Neither is she very loving if all her affection is based on keeping you sweet whilst she pursues other men. 

The question is not really why she does it. She does it because you let her get away with it. 

The question is, why do you think so little of yourself to put up with being treated as second best? 

In your shoes I would tell her in no uncertain terms that the online flirtation needs to stop - because it is not harmless fun. 

You need to sit down with her and assess where your relationship is going. If she truly loves you and wants you to be happy, she will listen and agree to stop. 

If she carries on regardless then, personally, I would look for a partner who is present and happy to be in a relationship with me, rather than someone who is clearly looking for excitement elsewhere. 

You need to be firm.

Q: How should I act when I see my ex boyfriend on the road or somewhere? 

We dated for a year and broke up but he came back. I loved him so I dated him again but when he left I found out he had just used me to make a girl jealous. He wanted that girl but she had a boyfriend. After 3 months of being back together, during which he sent pictures to her, she broke up with her boyfriend. They are together now.

A: In your shoes I would nod in acknowledgement and move swiftly on. 

This man has behaved very badly towards you and is really not worth more than a second’s thought. 

I get the feeling that you still have feelings for him - which is very common. Lots of us hanker after “the one that got away”, no matter how appallingly they treated us. 

Tell yourself he’s not worthy of you and walk tall with your head held high. Act as if you are much too busy to even give him a moment’s thought. Even better if you could act surprised to see him - as if you’d forgotten he existed. 

I know it’s painful but you well get over it in time - and if it’s too painful at the moment, just make sure you’re not where he’s likely to be. 

And don’t take him back again. 

Q: Is it considered cheating if your boyfriend goes and hangs out with other woman behind your back?

A: There’s nothing wrong with a man having female friends as well as his partner of course. But what’s suspicious is when he’s meeting those friends without telling her. 

It may be that his girlfriend is the jealous type and these meet-ups are entirely innocent. He just doesn’t want to start an argument or explain where he’s been. 

But, generally, I think most men would let their girlfriends know where they were going and I would expect to meet my partner’s female friends at some point. 

Sometimes we get a gut instinct that something is going on. The signs of unfaithfulness start to appear - coming home late, being out of mobile contact, dressing differently, showering more, lying, lack of affection or gifts because they’re feeling guilty. 

Without more information it’s impossible to say but as with every aspect of a relationship, honesty is always the best policy. And if you’ve nothing to hide, there’s no reason not to be completely honest, is there? 

 So, to answer your question, this looks a lot like cheating to me.

Q: Is it time to end this relationship?

A: When people ask questions like this with no detail or background, I always think they are really just asking for permission from someone else to do what they really want to do. 

In other words, they have already made their mind up but are scared of the consequences. 

What if breaking up is a mistake? 

What if I never find anyone else? 

What if they do something stupid because I’m leaving? 

What if I’m judged as a bad person. 

What if, what if, what if… 

But if you want out, it’s entirely likely your partner knows, at least on some level, that things aren’t working out. And you are probably making them unhappy. If so, that’s not fair. 

All you can do is talk to them about how you are feeling and explain that you feel your relationship has run its course. 

 Don’t dump them and run - that is likely to make you unhappy in the long run. As the old maxim goes, it’s not the one you can live with you want - it’s the one you can’t live without. 

Just remember to be kind.

How would you have responded to these questions? I'd love to know. You can find more advice on my problem page.

All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

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New Releases, Free & Bargain Books Link-up Week 45

How are you all this week?  It's certainly got a lot colder and I'm sitting here with my lovely hot water bottle which is likely to be a constant companion this winter!

It looks as if everyone has started their Christmas shopping, especially since the long awaited John Lewis Christmas advert was released yesterday.  If you haven't seen it, you're going to love Buster the Boxer.

Talking of dogs, check out my review of Debra Vey Voda-Hamilton's great book on mediation in animal disputes - "Nipped in the bud not in the butt".  How do you settle who gets the dog in a bitter divorce case?

Or if you're a wine lover and you love a good mystery, check out "Overcast Sunset" by Joyce T. Strand - murder, theft, kidnap and romance at a winery which will keep you guessing.

If you're strapped for cash this Christmas but want to give your loved ones something great to read, you've come to the right place as there's plenty to choose from on this week's link-up.

Don't forget that I still have plenty to be won on my competitions page and don't forget my new problem page here.

Happy bargain and freebie book hunting on this link.

Have a great week!

Sharing the Love of Books
Enjoy our selection of New Releases / Free & Bargain Books this week

Authors please feel free to add your own books
Readers please free to add your own finds
(any genre except erotica welcome)

This weekly link up is hosted by Beck Valley Books & these awesome book loving blogs...
Monday
 Life as Leels | IrishdaisylovesRomance | Book Babble | All Romance Reader
Tuesday
It's My Side of Life | Celticlady's Reviews | First Time Mommy Adventures 
Wednesday
Beck Valley Books | Cinnamon Hollow Reviews
Thursday
Miki's Hope | Nicki's Nook
Friday
Ebook Addicts | I Love Romance | Mother Distracted | Colorimetry | The Ultimate Fan Blog
Saturday
Totally Addicted to Reading | 3 Partners in Shopping | Angie's Angle | I Create Purty Thangs | Wishful Endings
Sunday
Lynchburg Mama | LibriAmoriMiei | Ali - The Dragon Slayer | Wondermom Wannabe | Deal Sharing Aunt | Rambling Reviews 

For Pre-orders post - PRE-ORDER / genre / title /author

For New Releases post - NEW / genre / title / author

For Free Books post - FREE / genre / title / author / end date 

For Bargain Books post - SALE / price / genre / title / author / end date
(Strictly no Erotica please.  Steamy romance is fine but watch those covers people, incase any underage child is viewing it!)

Click here for this weeks awesome selection!

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Save 25% & Beat Rylan At Christmas Carol-oke To Win With Buyagift.com

Here's a great competition for all you budding X Factor stars out there and all you need is a smartphone and the ability to carry a Christmas tune - specifically "The Twelve Days Of Christmas".

Buyagift.com, the UK's leading gift experience provider, is looking for Christmas Carol-oke stars to create their own unforgettable moments, so they gave ITV’s Xtra Factor Presenter and previous X Factor contestant Rylan Clark-Neal a Christmas challenge he will never forget to see if he is up to the job!

Rylan’s task was to sing Christmas carols whilst being driven around the Brands Hatch race track by a professional racing driver at speeds of over 100 miles per hour, with plenty of hair raising moments along the way!

Watch Rylan’s hilarious attempt at Christmas Carol-oke!

I think it’s safe to say Rylan failed the challenge and apparently he is no longer friends with the driver Pete (!) but he was definitely a good sport.

Rylan said, “Singing Christmas carols whilst being driven around a race track at over 100mph was certainly an experience I won’t forget in a hurry! It was harder than I thought it would be to sing at those speeds and even though I was worried about getting helmet hair, it was definitely an adrenaline rush!”

So if you want to give your loved ones the gift of an unforgettable experience this Christmas, have a look at Buyagift.com’s extensive range.  They have over 4,500 gift experiences, with everything from adrenaline fuelled days including the longest zipwire in Europe, sky diving and car racing, to relaxing spa days and hotel breaks.  Personally an afternoon tea is about as racy as I'm prepared to go!

As Rylan says “Experiences are the perfect gift for Christmas as the sentiment lasts longer than other gifts and they create long-lasting memories. Its experiences like I had, speeding around a top race track in a supercar that you can give to your family and friends this Christmas, which are sure to be remembered for years!”

Buyagift.com and Rylan are making it easy for people to give their loved ones a Christmas they’ll never forget by offering a discount of 25% off the Buyagift.com website, just enter the code RYLAN25 at the checkout (expires midnight 7th December 2016. Exclusions apply).

And if you think you can do better than Rylan at Christmas Carol-oke, send a video of you or your friends singing ‘The 12 days of Christmas’ carol and you will be entered into a competition to win £300 worth of Buyagift.com vouchers, just in time for Christmas to share an unforgettable moment with your loved ones. Not only that, but you will also be in with a chance of starring in the Christmas Carol-oke video edit made from the entries!

Just go to www.buyagift.co.uk/christmas-caroloke  to enter!

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Get Your Home Ship Shape And Ready For Guests

In just a few weeks winter will be back with us again, bringing Christmas and all of it’s fun festivities. Christmas is a magical time of year, but as a busy mum you’ll know there are a million and one things to think about! Seeing friends and family is one of the best things about the season, but if you’re house proud it means there’s probably a fair bit of work to be done. Plus with the change of weather, our homes are in need of some serious winter- proofing. Making sure all of this is done early will mean everything runs as smoothly as possible right through to the spring.

Clear The Garden

Most of us are done out in the garden for the year now the weather has taken a turn for the worst. If you’re lucky you might still have some flowers blooming and prettying up your garden, but before long most things will die back. Unless you’re a hardcore gardener, now is the time to tidy your tools away. Move your mower to the back of the shed, and bring your leaf blower, rake and snow shovel to the front. Clear the gutters on your house and any outbuildings which can become blocked with leaf litter and cause leaks. Turn the water supply off to your outdoor tap/ pipes, or at the very least cover them with insulation. This will prevent them from becoming damaged or bursting when the temperatures drop to freezing over winter. Having a clear and tidy garden makes a good first impression when guests arrive, as it’s the first thing they will see when coming to your home.

Picture source: Pixabay

Get Your Boiler Serviced

The last thing you want over the Christmas period is to be troubled by heating issues! If your boiler plays up, you can end up with no hot water or heating. If this happens to fall on one of the festive bank holidays, you’ll pay well over the odds to have someone come out and sort it. A boiler service should be done once a year and will cost you around £70. But it’s money well spent, and could potentially save you an awful lot more if it prevents anything major going wrong. To make sure you’re not getting ripped off by rogue traders, a site like TrustATrader will help you find reputable workmen.

Tackle Any Repairs

November is a great time to tackle any repairs and finish up any projects before the worst of the year’s weather hits. It could be a bit of painting, filling in cracks or holes in walls, finishing up some tiling or anything else that you’ve been putting off. Having the house in tip top condition means you’re ready for your Christmas guests and are free to hang your decorations and make your home look beautiful come December.

Clean and Declutter

When children are getting things like new toys, clothes and books for Christmas you could clear out the ones they’re no longer using. Put anything sentimental up in the attic, and donate the rest to charity. This could make a less fortunate child’s Christmas, so it’s a win-win. Finally, getting everywhere clean and tidy in anticipation of guests is a good idea. You could do the kinds of jobs that don’t usually get done on a regular cleaning day. Hire a Rug Doctor and clean all of your carpets. Wash curtains, clean windows and pull out large furniture items and vacuum behind them. That way, if you get a text or phone call from a visitor saying they’re popping over in ten minutes, you only need to do a spot of tidying before they arrive.

Picture source: Free Stock Photos

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Beck Valley Book Tour: Overcast Sunset A Brynn Bancroft Mystery By Joyce T. Strand

NEW RELEASE.....

Brynn Bancroft’s enjoyment at running her former husband’s winery is overcast by a rash of troubling burglaries and her inability to reconnect with her ex. When she receives an urgent phone call from an old college friend requesting that she speak to an investor, she welcomes the interruption. Unfortunately, her friend’s business activities intrude on her routine. Then her ex-husband threatens her marriage hopes when he considers selling the winery. When the burglaries escalate, a sense of foreboding plagues her, hinting at trouble to come.

Available to buy from....

Amazon.co.uk   Amazon.com   Barnes & Noble   Paperback    

About Brynn Bancroft

Brynn Bancroft evolved from the Jillian Hillcrest mysteries where she served as Jillian’s manager while Chief Financial Officer of Harmonia Therapeutics in Silicon Valley. A shapely blonde with a MENSA IQ, she had an affair with the CEO of the company.

Unfortunately for Brynn, the CEO’s wife figured out that the two were involved and asked Brynn to leave the company, which she agreed to do.

In the meantime, her husband, Liam—not unfamiliar with extramarital affairs himself but also understanding that Brynn grew up in an abusive household- grew tired of waiting for Brynn to commit to their relationship and asked for a divorce. At the same time, he solicited her assistance in developing his new winery in Sonoma County, Calif.

As the protagonist in HILLTOP SUNSET, Brynn begins to shed her past and her behavior of protecting herself by blocking emotions. We watch her transition from a shallow uncaring person to someone who starts to understand the emotions of friendship and love.

At the same time, much like Jillian—who occasionally shows up in the Brynn Bancroft mysteries—Brynn, too, attracts mystery and murders as she grows to enjoy life at her ex-husband’s Hilltop Sunset Winery.

My Review

I loved this mystery - not least because it features a female detective with a Welsh name and lots of wine. Brynn Bancroft is interesting because she combines a frustrating reticence to deal with issues in her private life, with plenty of energy when it comes to crime fighting and protecting her beloved winery and her rather ad-hoc family comprising her ward (the son of a previous romantic partner) and her ex husband who she is desperate to remarry.

The story centers around the sudden reappearance of an old friend who is looking for investors to help build their wine business but then things start to go missing, solar panel and wines, and a body turns up.

The plot is intricate and interwoven with so many threads it is occasionally difficult to keep up - but all the more interesting because Strand writes about and adapts real life events. This more than makes up for the slight lack of descriptive detail about the characters' appearance.

Although the reader suspects quite early on who the villains are, Strand keeps the reader on the edge of their seats, teasing them with clues but never quite giving the game away.   When the baddies are finally confronted it is immensely satisfying, not least because Brynn finally realises the truth about friendship. 

Although Overcast Sunset is part of a series, it works perfectly well as a stand alone mystery and certain whets the reader's appetite to return to the beginning to understand why Brynn is such a complex, occasionally annoying, but engaging character.

Also Available
Hilltop Sunset: A Brynn Bancroft Mystery

A mystery set in wine country pitting financial exec Brynn Bancroft against a determined stalker, a troubled love interest, and career clashes.


Brynn Bancroft learns that a former employee who beat her nearly to death has returned to stalk her and her friend, Jillian Hillcrest, also a former victim.

Recently divorced, Brynn turns to a new love interest only to encounter additional unwelcome issues. Meanwhile, short-timer Brynn, who has resigned from her Silicon Valley company, becomes bored fulfilling her remaining responsibilities there. She begins to prefer supporting the launch of her ex-husband’s new hilltop winery while waiting to move to her next position. Between her stalker and her new love interest, Brynn faces a series of life-changing events.

Read an excerpt here

Book available from....

Amazon.co.uk   Amazon.com   Barnes & Noble   Paperback

Landscape For Murder: A Brynn Bancroft Mystery

A friend’s murder. An unconnected cast of suspects, including the victim’s missing adult daughter. As if that wasn’t enough, Brynn Bancroft’s winery has been broken into. Can she deal with her co-owner ex and help the police find her friend’s murder so she can finally overcome her own troubled past and enjoy family life with her teenage ward?

Book available from....

Amazon.co.uk   Amazon.com   Barnes & Noble   Paperback   

About the Author

Joyce T. Strand is the author of who-done-it contemporary and historical mysteries set in San Francisco, Napa-Sonoma wine regions of California, or Ventura, California.

Her most recent novels, Hilltop Sunset and Landscape for Murder, feature protagonist Brynn Bancroft, a financial guru in transition to winemaker from corporate executive. Brynn Bancroft is a minor character in Strand’s first three novels On Message, Open Meetings, and Fair Disclosure—three mysteries solved by Jillian Hillcrest, a publicist in Silicon Valley whose boss was Chief Financial Officer Brynn Bancroft.

Her first historical mystery, The Judge's Story, tells the story of a Superior Court Judge with a passion for social justice as well as the law who strives to discover the truth behind the mystery of a robbery-murder in a small California town in 1939.

All of her novels are inspired by actual events and/or real people, although they are definitely fictionalized.

Much like her protagonist Jillian Hillcrest, Strand headed corporate communications at several biotech and high-tech companies in California’s Silicon Valley for more than 25 years. Unlike Jillian, however, she did not encounter murder in her career. She focused on writing by-lined articles, press releases, white papers, and brochures to publicize her companies and their products.

She lives with her two cats and collection of cow statuary in Southern California, and enjoys exploring and writing about the growing wine region in the Ramona Valley near San Diego.

She received her Ph.D. from the George Washington University, Washington, D.C. and her B.A. from Dickinson College, Carlisle, PA

Find the author on the following sites....

Website   Blog   Facebook   Twitter   Pinterest   Google+   Goodreads   Amazon Author Page

Follow the book tour

I received this book through Beck Valley Books Book Tours, I have volunteered to share my review and all the opinions are 100% my own.

NOW FOR THE AUTHOR'S GIVEAWAY

1st Prize - Win $50 Amazon.com GC / Paypal Cash (winners choice) 
2nd Prize - Win $25 Amazon.com GC / Paypal Cash (winners choice)
Open Worldwide

Ending on Sunday 11th December at 11.59pm EST

Enter Below and Good Luck !!
a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Is Your Kitchen Ready For Entertaining

Is your kitchen ready for entertaining? Now that the festive season is almost upon us, you are probably thinking about hosting some of your friends and family for dinner parties. You may also be thinking of gathering everyone at yours for Christmas dinner!

Image credit: www.pexels.com

But before you send the invitations out, you need to make sure that your kitchen is all ready for entertaining and hosting guests. Do you think yours could do with a bit of improvement? Here are some useful tips that can help you get your kitchen up to scratch.

Image credt: www.pexels.com

Update Your Kitchenware

Cooking appliances and crockery can quickly become dated. Unless you are going for a vintage style in your kitchen, you should update any old-fashioned items in your kitchen. Not only will this do wonders for the look of your kitchen, but you will also find that they are a lot easier to use. And new cooking appliances will help you cut down the time you spend in your kitchen. Meaning you will have a lot more time to mingle with all your guests!

Get Rid Of Clutter

I’m sure most of us have a lot of clutter on our kitchen tops and dining table. It’s because it easily gathers on these surfaces! Especially the likes of letters, bills and important paperwork. So before you start cooking for your dinner party, make sure you quickly tidy up all of this clutter and remove it from your kitchen. It is also important to tidy your kitchen work surfaces once you have taken all the clutter away. Keep them neat, and you will have plenty of space to prepare your food. They will also look very tidy to your guests!

Image credit: www.pexels.com

Clean Your Fridge

Your fridge will be used a lot during the dinner party. Even by guests who could be going in there quite a lot to top up their glass of white wine. So it is very important that the inside of your refrigerator is looking clean and tidy. If you are placing a lot of dishes in the fridge ready for the meal, make sure that the door shuts tightly. It is also a good idea to check that none of the food is blocking any of the air vents. Otherwise, the refrigerator could quickly heat up.

Image credit: www.pexels.com

Take The Bin Out

You don’t want a nasty smell to put your diners off their meal, so remember to take the bin out before anyone arrives. It might also be worth cleaning out the bin itself with some strong disinfectant. After all, no matter how careful you are, there is always the chance that some food has escaped out the bin bag and made its way into the actual bin! Make sure you have plenty of extra bin bags as well. The rubbish will quickly pile up during a dinner party, and you might have to even take the bin out half-way through the meal!

Once you follow these tips, your kitchen will be all ready for you to entertain. And your guests will certainly be impressed!

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How To Find The Best Local Family Photographer

As a blogger I love photography but my own skills aren't quite up to scratch (yet!) when it comes to taking memorable, well-composed family portraits.  For a start, I'm lucky if I actually get to be in the photo - that's so true for us mums, isn't it?

So I've been looking for a good family photographer who won't charge an arm and a leg and, better still will come to me with some creative ideas, both for style and location.

Back when I was a marketer, every business had to be in the Yellow Pages.  It was probably the number one place we all turned to to find a tradesperson or a business service.  In fact I spent many hours laboriously writing the Yellow Pages ads for our law firm!  Today, with everything online, you have a wealth of services to choose from - all at your fingertips.

But how do you pick the right one for you when there's so much choice?

I recently discovered Bidvine which is a free to use website specially designed to help you hire local professionals in your area.

You simply select the type of service you are looking for and enter your postcode - for example you could search for decorators, music teachers, children's entertainers, photographers etc. My search was for Family Portrait Photography.

Then you are guided through a series of questions about your requirements.

I was then asked:

Where will the photos be taken?

What style of imagery I was looking for  - again with a drop down box and a choice of Candid, Artistic, Traditional etc.

Whether I have a specific theme in mind?  (This is optional though)

What format I want the photos in - e.g. album, on a CD.

What is my budget (anywhere from £100 up to £1000)

Whether I want to travel to the photographer and the distance I am prepared to travel or whether I want the photographer to come to me (which in this instance I do)

My timescale - days / weeks etc - your request can be flagged as urgent.

Any other information I want to pass on to the photographer

How I'd like to receive quotes - email is the default setting but you can also opt to receive telephone or text quotes too.

Then you simply hit "Get Quotes" and wait for these to hit your inbox.  I made my request on a Sunday and was told to expect quotes by the Wednesday.

So how did I get on?

Bidvine say you will receive up to 5 requests per project which is a sensible amount because otherwise choosing becomes a little overwhelming.

But I actually created two requests (or projects as Bidvine calls them) as I only received one quote for Family Portrait Photography (my first request).

My second request was for the more general search term of Family Photography and I received three quotes for that.

The reasons for this, I suspect, are that I live just outside Cardiff and asked for the photographer to travel to me and I had been quite specific in my requests.

Nevertheless, making the request via Bidvine was incredibly simple and relatively quick.  You may just find that you need to be a little more flexible to find the service professional you need.

Once you have chosen your professional, your contract is with them and you pay them directly.  Businesses who list on Bidvine have to buy Bidvine credits and then 'pay' to send quotes and personal messages by using these credits.  This is a good way of making sure that customers receive a considered, properly structured quote that addresses their requirements fully.

I received my quotes via email but you can also view them on Bidvine in the file that the system creates for each of your projects.  The main benefit of this is that you can read any customer reviews that have been published for your service professional.

The fees quoted ranged from £450 to £700, but the latter was higher due to travel expenses from the West of England.

I liked Bidvine and can see that it will further develop into a valuable resource for time-strapped parents.  I would still suggest creating a checklist of your requirements beforehand so that you can assess each of your quotes on an equal basis, simply because there is quite a bit of variation in what you get for your money.

A quote is, of course, just a guide and by having your requirements to hand (perhaps in a written list) you can have an open and constructive conversation with the service professionals you choose to contact and make sure everything is covered - and that the final price is acceptable to you both.

*collaborative post

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