Mother Distracted

Friday, 7 October 2016

House of Lords Communication Committee To Examine The Safety Of Children Online

On 11th October, The House of Lords Communications Committee will examine how safe children are from the safety of children online, as part of its inquiry into the impact of the internet on children.

Representatives from the Information Commissioner’s Office and internet safety organisations will be among the witnesses.

The Committee’s investigation is looking into the risks and dangers presented to children by the internet, as well as the benefits, and also online governance and regulation.

In the first evidence session at 3.30pm the Committee will hear from Mr Mark Donkersley, Managing Director, e-Safe Systems Limited and Professor Derek McAuley, Professor of Digital Economy at Nottingham University.

Then at 4.30pm the Committee will hear from Adam Glass, partner at law firm Lewis Silkin, and Steve Wood, Deputy Commissioner at the Information Commissioner’s Office.

Questions which the Committee will ask across both sessions could include:

• What sorts of harmful behaviours are children exposed to?
• Which types are on the increase, and why?
• How well informed are children and parents?
• Do children of a particularly young age need extra protection?
• How well does filtering work?
• What role should schools play in safeguarding?
• What rights do children have with regard to the internet and the protection of their personal data?

The evidence session is open to the public. If you wish to attend you should go to Parliament’s Cromwell Green Entrance and allow time for security screening.

You can watch the session live on the internet at www.parliamentlive.tv. Sessions can also be viewed back at any time after the event and it is now possible to clip parts of evidence sessions and share them on social media and third party websites.

You can also follow the inquiry’s progress by signing up for alerts on the Committee’s webpage or following them on Twitter @UKHouseofLords.

I'll be reporting their findings on the blog when they are published but, as a parent I'd want to see some representation from the social media giants such as Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat so that their role in preventing cyberbullying and the online exploitation of children and teenagers could be examined.

Having a recommended age for using providers such as Facebook does nothing to prevent underage children accessing it and it is time, in my view, for social media to take more responsiblity for the protection of its users.

The findings of the Committee are going to be very interesting.

How are you all this week? It's getting colder now so we're unearthing our warm winter coats and preparing to freeze on the school run!

On the plus side,the pre-Christmas buzz is beginning and, even though it is a little too early, I can't resist starting to plan our decorations and what we're going to have for Christmas dinner.

I've been reading a fabulous book about using mediation to solve disputes between pet owners called "Nipped In The Bud, Not In The Butt" by lawyer Debra Vey Voda-Hamilton (review to follow shortly). Did you know that divorce proceedings often grind to a halt completely when warring spouses start to sort out custody of their animals?

Debra explains some useful mediation techniques which I reckon would even work on my kids! Look out for my review on the 9th October - and there's a giveaway.

Happy bargain and freebie hunting on this link.

Have a great week!

Sharing the Love of Books
Enjoy our selection of New Releases / Free & Bargain Books this week

Authors please feel free to add your own books
Readers please free to add your own finds
(any genre except erotica welcome)

This weekly link up is hosted by Beck Valley Books & these awesome book loving blogs...
Monday
Life as Leels | IrishdaisylovesRomance | Book Babble | All Romance Reader
Tuesday
It's My Side of Life | Celticlady's Reviews | First Time Mommy Adventures
Wednesday
Beck Valley Books | Cinnamon Hollow Reviews
Thursday
Miki's Hope | Nicki's Nook
Friday
Ebook Addicts | I Love Romance | Mother Distracted | Colorimetry | The Ultimate Fan Blog
Saturday
Totally Addicted to Reading | 3 Partners in Shopping | Angie's Angle | I Create Purty Thangs | Wishful Endings
Sunday
Lynchburg Mama | LibriAmoriMiei | Ali - The Dragon Slayer | Wondermom Wannabe | Deal Sharing Aunt | Rambling Reviews

For Pre-orders post - PRE-ORDER / genre / title /author

For New Releases post - NEW / genre / title / author

For Free Books post - FREE / genre / title / author / end date

For Bargain Books post - SALE / price / genre / title / author / end date
(Strictly no Erotica please. Steamy romance is fine but watch those covers people, incase any underage child is viewing it!)

Click here for this weeks awesome selection!

Relationship Dilemmas - What Was I Asked In Week 40?

This week I'm talking about keeping your older boyfriend a secret, dealing with 'psycho girls' and telling a friend her child is too badly behaved for your child to play with. What would you do?

If you would like any advice, feel free to message me or pop a comment in the comment box at the end of this post. I promise to be gentle.

Here's just some of the questions I've been asked this week.

Q: Should I tell my parents about my older boyfriend? I'm 16, he's 22.

A: It depends how old you are. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that if you are below the age of sexual consent in your country then your boyfriend could end up in a lot of trouble - and so could you if you are not using contraception.

As a mother, I would want to know about your boyfriend. The fact that you are unsure whether to tell them tells me that there is something about this relationship that they will disapprove of.

When we are young women, it is easy to fall for a charming older man but they are not always who they seem to be. Sexual predators can be very charming indeed. Men (and women) are not always who they seem to be.

If you are mature but worry about an age gap relationship then, assuming everything is OK, then at that stage, it is your business and if you choose to continue with the relationship you may have to make a choice between your boyfriend and your parents.

But I wonder why you feel you can’t tell them and even introduce him to them. For your peace of mind (and safety), that is what I would urge you to do.

And if he’s a decent man, he should be telling you the same thing.

Q: How can my boyfriend get rid of a 'psycho' girl?

A: I’m guessing you are very young. And rather jealous.

I’m also assuming that the ‘psycho’ girl has a thing for your boyfriend and is chasing him.

The person who needs to sort this out is your boyfriend. It’s very common in this situation to focus on the other woman, whilst the man gets off free whilst the women fight. Is this girl an ex girlfriend?

I can sense that you are feeling very threatened but getting bitchy and demanding won’t help. Has your boyfriend been encouraging this girl?

Sometimes we choose to ignore what is going on right under our nose. Tell him to ‘shape up or ship out’.

Q: Is chatting with strangers on the internet bad if you already have a girlfriend or boyfriend?

A: Not bad but it can be dangerous. Do you mean general chat or sexual chat?

You don’t say how old you are but I’m guessing you are quite young.

I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that it is often impossible to know who you are talking to on the internet.

If you need to do this despite having a partner I would suggest that the relationship is pretty unfulfilling and it would be fairer to them to let them go and wait until you are ready to commit to a relationship in the real world - rather than a fantasy one in cyberspace.

Q: When children are not disciplined (or guided) and not held accountable for their actions does that cause emotional problems?

A: Emotional problems for whom?

As parents having to constantly deal with an out of control child is exhausting. I believe children actually need boundaries in order for them to feel love. They need to know their place in the family and how far they can go.

They test our love all the time to see if it will break.

So I agree with you that an over liberal parenting style can result in a child who, paradoxically, feels unloved.

If nothing you do ever makes a difference would you feel like you mattered?

And if we don’t set boundaries for our kids whilst they are under our care and guidance, what will happen to them when they enter the world of work and find that they are expected to toe the line and act like mature, responsible adults.

Everyone’s parenting style is different. Every kids is different. But I think we should be parents first and friends second.

Q: My boyfriend just told me he thinks about his ex every day and wishes he could go back and change his mistakes that made her leave. How do I even reply?

A: I really feel for you. That must have been so hard to hear but the only way to view it is that he has done you a favour but letting you know that his heart is not really in your relationship. It is obviously his guilt talking and I wonder what the ‘mistakes’ were that made her leave.

If he was unkind or controlling then I think you have just had (no matter how awful it feels like now), a lucky break.

There is also something a little controlling in the fact that he is making YOU responsible for his upset rather than manning up and dealing with the consequences himself. He sounds very immature.

I would suggest that you separate for a while so that he can get clear in his head who it is he really wants to be with.

We always want what we can’t have and it’s the idea that he can’t have his ex back that’s making her seem so attractive.

In reality, if they got back together the same problems would be there. And I’m wondering if these same problems are already in your relationship.

But he’s an adult. You are not responsible for him and you DO deserve someone who wants a relationship with you.

I suspect most women’s advice to you would be “show him the door”.

Q: How do you tell a friend that you don't want your 7 year old children to be friends because of their child's behavior issues?

A: I don’t think you can if you want to keep her friendship.

Could you find a way for your children to play together under supervision with you and your friend and make her aware of when her child’s behaviour is unacceptable.

You don’t say what the ‘behaviour issues’ are. It would be very hard on your friend to abandon her if, for example, her child is autistic or has a problem like ADHD. She needs your support, not your censure.

If her child is just exhibiting bratty behaviour and bullying your child then you either have to tell her straight out or see less of her. Your child’s health and safety has to come first.

But 7 year olds are ALL capable of bratty behaviour and their friendships go from best friend status to all out hatred in a heartbeat - and back again the next day.

Are you sure YOUR child is a little angel? Could they be contributing to the behaviour in some way.

Can you not sit down with your friend over coffee and tell her openly that you have noticed her child behaves in these ways and is there a reason why? She may confide in you and tell you that she knows but needs help dealing with it.

Makes sure you’re not about to jettison a nice friendship due to a couple of 7 year olds’ stroppy - and entirely normal - behaviour.

How would you have responded to these questions? You can find more advice on my problem page.

All materials included in this post are intended for informational purposes only. This post/information is not intended to and should not be used to replace medical or psychiatric advice offered by physicians or other health care providers. The author will not be liable for any direct, indirect, consequential, special, exemplary or other damages arising therefrom.

Children's Book Review: Message In A Bottle By Tom Percival & Tuire Siiriainen

I have been privileged to be a member of the launch team for this lovely personalised book for children and it's been a real eye opener to discover exactly how much work goes in to writing, designing and producing a story like this.

Personalised children's books seem to be all the rage at present and readers of this blog may recall my recent review of The Little Boy Who Lost His Name.

This book, with words by Tom Percival and illustrations by Tuire Siiriainen is different because it combines the personalisation with an educational element and is complemented by an online kids club.

Message In A Bottle tells the story of little bird Kiki, a Scarlet Hawaiian Honeycreeper who wants to explore the world and gets her chance when she finds a message in a bottle washed up on the shore.

This message is where the personalisation comes in. Parents, grandparents or any other gift giver can send a personalised message in the bottle which is revealed towards the end of the story.

Even cleverer, by entering your child's name and address, these details are shared at certain points in the story so that you feel Kiki is really sending a special message direct to your child. The rolled up message has your child's name and address on it and they are referred to by name in the story.

On her journey, Kiki meets a number of other animals who help her to track down the bottle's destination, and some are more of a hindrance than a help. Will she get the bottle and its message to the right owner?

Some of these animals are easy to recognise but one of the great points about this book is that it introduces you to new species that your child may not have learned about - for example the Plover and the Sailfish.

The team at Blueberry & Pie, (the publishers) has worked closely with Szymek Drobniak, Ph.D. of evolutionary biology to ensure that the zoological and geographical facts are accurate and true. Dr Drobniak also helped to create content for Kiki’s Kids Club.

Not only that but the route of the journey is accurate as well with the story being specifically designed to start in Hawaii and end in Europe with the animals on the way geographically true to their locations.

At Kiki's Kids Club online your child can learn more about the animals in the story by clicking on an interactive map which takes them to the right continent and ex;plains a little more about the creatures who appear.

For example, by clicking on Europe you can learn more about the Long-Eared Owl and in North America you can learn about the Grizzly Bear. In total you can learn about 14 animal species, the same number that appears in the story.

There is also a quiz, a monthly poll and printable colouring sheets to download.

The book is beautifully produced with warm, bright illustrations and the story is long enough to keep a child interested. I would say that the ideal age range for this book is up to around 7 years old.

Message In A Bottle is ordered on line via a simple process.

You simply add the child's name, address and then your message. There is even a selection of templates for you to choose from to help you write your note.

We chose a message to help Caitlin face her fears and stay brave in the face of a challenge. She loved this and was even more impressed because her photograph was printed on the page (simply upload when you order).

In fact, the whole 'message' of the story is to be brave, take a risk and you'll find people (or animals!) to help you get to where you want to go - a pretty good motto for life in general.

You can the preview the book to check that you're happy that the details are correct and then check out and pay in the usual manner.

The book, which is printed in the UK, costs £19.95 with free shipping.

I think it would make a lovely, thoughtful gift for Christmas.

It's always interesting to learn more about your fellow bloggers and Lyndsay Edwards at the blog livingwithcowsmilkproteinallergy.com has started to use her skills as a medium to offer psychic email readings.

Lyndsay grew up in the spiritualist church and has attended open circle services all her life. She has always received communication from the spirit world and, having begun to read for others earlier this year, is now offering the service via her blog.

Readings include a minimum of 400 words and cost £25. Lyndsay will shortly be offering readings over the phone too.

Now you may be wholly cynical about psychics but I have been interested in psychic phenomena and mediumship ever since I was a child.

Try as I might, I simply cannot believe that when we die, that's it. What is the point of the intelligence we have been gifted with otherwise? So I am entirely open to spiritualism and the belief that our loved ones never leave us and may try to communicate with us from time to time.

Of course, the industry has its charlatans and those who would seek to exploit the grieving but I believe in general that psychics are driven by the need to do good and to offer comfort.

I have certainly found great comfort from past readings at times of crisis in my life, even if the predictions were not 100% accurate.

Sometimes we can ask a psychic things we wouldn't dream of asking a family member or a friend. Asking a psychic questions creates a safe space for us to ask the things that are really bothering us - and sometimes those things we find it very difficult to admit to ourselves.

Lyndsay asked me to give her 2 questions to answer and, without going into personal detail, both questions centered around the fact that I had my children in my forties and am concerned about maintaining a good level of health so I'm around for long enough to see them mature, and hopefully see them have a family of their own.

My reading began with an accurate description of the type of person I am and then dealt with my questions. I have to say that Lyndsay's answers were insightful and identified a few points which she could not have known.

Firstly, spirit advised that I can do far more and should just take the children with me - I am forever using my family situation as an excuse for not getting out and about more. It seems like such an upheaval but I know that's not really a justification for turning down the opportunities that come my way.

Secondly spirit highlighted the exact health worry that scares me most on a daily basis and reassured me that I would be fine. Since the Husband refers to me as "a major drain on the NHS", this really cheered me up.

The reading ended with a message from my grandmother which, although I don't remember the exact moment, had enough detail to be entirely plausible.

I would have liked a slightly longer reading but the answers I received certainly put my mind at rest and gave me comfort.

That, to me, is the main purpose of a psychic reading.

And to those who say that the future cannot be predicted?

I think a psychic reading is a bit like being given a map. We are shown where we are but we still get to choose the route we take throughout our life.

It's nice to occasionally have a bit of encouragement along the way.

For more information about psychic email readings, visit Lyndsay at www.livingwithcowsmilkproteinallergy.com.

*I received an email psychic reading for the purposes of this review.

Review: The VAX Air Stretch Pet Upright Vacuum Cleaner

VAX is a name I've been familiar with for a long time but I have to be honest and say that I thought the company only produced rather cumbersome machines which cleaned your carpet by dampening it.

Times have changed greatly. VAX offered us the chance to test one of their new, lightweight, bagless models and we chose the VAX Air Stretch Pet Upright Vacuum Cleaner.

Our existing vacuum is a pull-along one from a well known 'bagless' brand and, although I could never fault it's vacuuming power, it is difficult to move. It doesn't corner so that if you pull it, it generally smacks into the furniture if you're not paying attention.

It is also quite heavy and because we've managed to lose most of the tools, nooks and crannies are often overlooked. Its weight also doesn't help my back so lugging it up and down stairs is a problem and it simply doesn't have the reach to vacuum the ceiling.

The VAX Air Stretch cleaner has none of these problems. It is a powerful (820w) and lightweight upright vacuum cleaner with a long reach hose and cord.

It is also ideal for homes with pets as it comes with a TurboTool to help remove stubborn dirt and pet hair from surfaces around your home.

The product is also supplied with a 3-in-1 tool

Whilst we don't have a pet (yet!), both the Husband and I suffer from a dust allergy so a powerful vacuum is important for us. We have stripped out lots of the carpet so we also need a machine that copes well with hard floors without scratching the surface.

The VAX is multi-cyclonic (which means you don't lose suction), has a HEPA filter and, best of all it comes with a long cord and hose which reaches up to 17 metres.

You can use the VAX on carpet or hard floor by simply altering a gauge on the base of the machine and the tools attach to the body of the upright (although we haven't found where the TurboTool goes).

It weighs only 4.9kg making it easy to lift and, whilst it is a battle with my existing cleaner to lift it step by step to do the stairs, the VAX has the reach to allow you to just use the cord and the TurboTool which makes it much easier on my back.

The machine is also easy to empty - you just detach the dust container, unclip at the bottom and empty straight into the bin.

The only slight negatives I can find are firstly that the machine is quite noisy for those of us with Tinnitus but the same could be said of most of today's updated household appliances.

Secondly, an upright vacuum cleaner does take a little more storage space but it's given us an extra incentive to clean out the cupboard under the stairs where we tend to 'store' too many coats and cans of tinned tomatoes from our forays to Costco.

The product comes with free delivery and a 6 year guarantee. It retails at £249.99.

We found it was easy to use, light to lift and did the job well.

You can find more information about this and the full range of VAX products at www.vax.co.uk.

*We were sent a VAX Air Stretch Pet Upright Vacuum Cleaner for the purpose of this review.

Review: Kids' Halloween Costumes At Matalan

Every year we love spending time deciding what we're going to dress up as on Halloween and this year we found our inspiration at Matalan.

Caitlin transformed herself into a Gothic Bride and Ieuan, being a sweet natured boy, decided he was going to be the Grim Reaper.

Obviously Mr Bones didn't want to be left out.

Their costumes were very good value at £12 a piece and as you can see from our photographs, the detailing is quite impressive.

We got both costumes in a size 9-10 as my kids are both quite tall. Caitlin will be 9 in November and Ieuan is 7.

Both costumes fitted well with enough room under the arms to dance and threaten people with plastic weaponry without risking a split seam.

Kids Gothic Bride Halloween Costume - £12

Matalan's kids' Halloween costumes are made for ages 4-13 (the age ranges vary depending on the costume) and they have ensured that all of their Halloween products have passed additional Flammability Testing BS5722.

If the Gothic Bride and the Grim Reaper don't inspire you, how about Vampirella or a Pirate Skeleton? You'll find face paints and wigs too just in case the grownups want to join in (who doesn't!).

Kids Grim Reaper Halloween Costume - £12

On the Matalan website there's a fun Halloween section where you'll find spooky decorations, costumes, lifesized skeletons and party tips and ideas.

There are even pumpkin carving templates, should you be stuck for inspiration - although we usually delegate this to the Husband. It's good to get everyone involved, isn't it?!

Click here for pumpkin carving templates

Delivery is free over £50, otherwise it's £3.95 but Matalan offer free Click & Collect and Free Returns to Store.

For more information visit www.matalan.co.uk.

*PR samples were received for the purpose of this review.

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